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Original poster

Would you leave your dd/ds for 3 weeks to have training for a new job?

54 replies

lilymolly · 04/07/2007 10:13

DD is 18months old, and I have the opportunity to apply for a dream job.
This role allows me to have flexible hours and spend time with my dd once I have started, and will provide us with a good income.
I am not happy with my current job, and I am miserable, what ever job I get in my industry will involve some time away training.
My gut instinct is to go, as I am sure dd will be fine and adaptable, as she is very comfortable about staying away from me. I feel that this could change as she gets older, and think that is better to do this now not later iyswim?

Saying all that I prob wont get the job

Advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
3andnomore · 06/07/2007 12:45

HI, have only speed read this, but by the sounds of it your dd would be fine and in the longterm it would mean that you possibly would have more time to spend with her, etc....so, I think the longterm benefits do outweigh the shorterm "hardship".
Also, espeically as you are unhappy in your current Job and this new Job would make you feel happier, then that will also benefit your dd won't it!
Whatever you do, best of luck

Original poster
lilymolly · 06/07/2007 15:17

Wisteria, I think I am more bothered that I will be percieved a a crap mum if i piss offf to another country for 3 weeks, I am sure we will both be fine, but not sure if its the "right" thing to do iyswim.

OP posts:
oranges · 06/07/2007 15:20

i would. i make this decision all the time - by occassionally leaving ds for a week or so for work, i get to work from home with flexible hours the rest of the time in a job i really love.
sod what other people think really. if you have good childcare, with people she likes, go for it.

DontCallMeBaby · 06/07/2007 16:01

LM, someone will always think you're a crap mum, whatever you do, it comes with the territory. It doesn't matter what such people think.

Good income and flexible hours - brilliant. I personally DO think it's better sooner rather than later. I've been going away for courses for a week at a top (half a dozen times, plus some shorter trips) since DD was a year old. It's only ever got harder.

Wisteria · 06/07/2007 16:33

Absolutely - as a parent you are always judged by some poor sod who doesn't have a life of their own! Chances are it's always behind your back so you're never aware of it.
Ultimately it's your family, your dd and your career - you know in your heart of hearts what is right for you and yours.
Out of all the posters on this thread I don't think one person has judged you unfavourably or made any negative comments and that is usually a fair indication of the general reaction.

Go for it! We're supporting you anyway, what more can you ask for !

Yanka · 06/07/2007 16:49

I think you are absolutely right in thinking that it is better to go now than later. I have left my DD twice for a week (with DH and a perfect nanny) at a time (also global training in the US) - the first time she was about 12 months and was perfectly fine (I was missing her terribly of course!). The second time she was just over two years - once more, she was fine, but she could already speak and she has learnt how to say 'I am missing Mummy' - that made is SOOO much harder for me .

I would say go for it - the long term benefit is wonderful.
Good luck in getting the job!

allgonebellyup · 06/07/2007 16:51

Do it. i would.

WideWebWitch · 06/07/2007 16:59

Do it. It's only 3 weeks, it's not a long time. She'll be fine.

I spent 6 months working away from home from when dd was 18 months and although it WAS hell, I was offered a perm job in the end and we relocated and it was completely worth it. So the end justified the means.

I was doing what was best for us as a family at the time, with dh's full support. He was a single parent to both children for 6 months, while working ft oth too, while I drove 2,500 miles a month and worked bloody hard etc and it was tough for everyone but I still think it was the right thing to do, retrospectively. Not that I'd do it again but 3 weeks? I absolutely would for a job like you describe, no question. Really, in your position I'd go for it, definitely.

Original poster
lilymolly · 06/07/2007 19:53

Oh thank you so much for your support, its really appreciated.

All I have to do now is get the job

Can I also let you into a little secret?

A little teeny tiny weeny part of me would actually enjoy the break

OP posts:
3andnomore · 06/07/2007 22:11

nouwt wrong wiht that (the wishing of the break..and I am a SAHM'ish, you know...maybe that is why I understand the break bit so good...or maybe I can just be the "crapmum" wiht you ;)
Anyways, good luck with getting that JOb, do let us know how it all goes

DontCallMeBaby · 06/07/2007 22:31

Heh, it was more than a teeny bit of me enjoyed going away when DD was smaller. There is still a teeny bit. The teeny bit really enjoys being woken up at 7.30am on the dot by the radio, rather than Random-Stupid-o'clock by a small person. If only I could get 7.30am on the dot AND the small person, that would be just right.

Wisteria · 07/07/2007 16:03

Honestly..... - I bloody loved it!

unknownrebelbang · 07/07/2007 16:30

Good luck with the job application.

My lads are older, but yes I would, if I'm honest, I'd really welcome the break.

Judy1234 · 07/07/2007 16:33

Yes, she'll be fine. No reason 18 months year olds should be any more attached to their mother than their father and he will be there and family. We left a 1 and 3 year old for a week for a holiday when I was pregnant. It did feel a bit long and we didn't repeat it but that was both of us away and the children were fine.

Most places 3 weeks you can get back. Lots of people fly all over the place and commute home at weekends every weekend anyway if you really want to see her even from the US. I know of someone who works in London and flies back to Israel every weekend to see his family.

tribpot · 07/07/2007 16:53

Sounds like it would be worth enduring the three weeks for the dream job and flexible hours afterwards. If it were me, I would explore all the options around taking ds (and dh) with me, though; I would find it appallingly difficult to be away from ds. Having said that, three childfree weeks also sounds heavenly!

Best of luck with the job application.

Anna8888 · 07/07/2007 18:20

I left my daughter for 11 days when she was 16 months old and it was fine. My partner and I went ski-ing in Switzerland with my stepsons and left my daughter in England with my parents (who she knows very well).

Three weeks is quite long - I would feel selfish leaving my daughter that long for a holiday but probably not for work training.

Go for it.

DoubleBluff · 07/07/2007 18:37

3 weeks is nothing out of a lifetime.
Go for it as you and your family will all benefit from it in the long run.
AND enjoy it too, once in a lifetime opportunity for you.
Your daughter will still love you when you get back and you are not a crap mum!

Original poster
lilymolly · 01/08/2007 20:19

Oh my god, had first interview last night and have been offered a second interview!

I am just now panicing at the thought of actually leaving dd for 3 WHOLE WEEKS

Can I really do it?

Support will be really appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
lilymolly · 01/08/2007 21:15

anyone?

OP posts:
TheQueenOfQuotes · 01/08/2007 21:17

fantastic - good luck with the 2nd interview.

And YES you CAN do it, she'll be absolutely fine - and the benefits to you and your family in the long run will make it all worthwhile

RosaLuxembourg · 01/08/2007 21:20

You can do it and you know it will be worthwhile in the long run. Congratulations on getting the second interview.

kama · 01/08/2007 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
lilymolly · 01/08/2007 21:29

will she not miss me?

I am actually more worried about leaving the dog

She really pines for me when I am away and sits on the lawn missing me looking at the gate

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 01/08/2007 21:33

I have to go away with work occasionally and I always find that the lead up to it is unbearable.

But once you're actually on that plane, you can start to enjoy it . Having said that I've not done whole weekends (maybe travelled on a Sunday or whatever) and I think that if not kept busy I might miss them.

I always try to remind myself that the actual being away is never that bad.

duchesse · 01/08/2007 21:51

If you are sure of your childcare arrangements for the time away, why not? She will be fine while you're away and may or may not be a little "off" with you when you get back, but you must explain to her often that you will be back -possibly use something that makes sense to her as a reference point (any birthdays or holidays shortly before you get back?): ie: I will be back one sleep after so and so's birthday. Even at such a young age, she will be able to understand that.

I went away for 6 weeks for training purposes when mine were 2, 4 and 6. It was fine really- they were fine, and were really pleased to see me back. The only bummer was missing my second child's fifth birthday by a day, but we celebrated the following day so it was fine in the end.