Off work with stress....being treated unfairly?

[Nicpem1982]

Im currently off work sick with work related stress and depression caused by the way a colleague has treated me on and off for a few years. There is essentially a clash in personality and colleague can not remain professional and is openly rude and agressive towards me.

Ive spoken to management and hr about this but his conduct is not being addressed.

A welfare visit was undertaken by hr and management and manager states that she believes that i contribute to the problem but when challenged by me was unwilling to provide any evidence or examples. There have never been any issues around my conduct and management have never had to address anything with me.

Ive had an email from my managers this week stating that there are a number of performance issues that have come to light around my work that they need to discuss and they were hoping i would be back this week as my workload has not been covered and now deadlines are being missed and can i pop by the office for a chat on friday

Has anyone got any advice on how i deal with this?

Are you in the union? Do you have legal cover with your home insurance?

Not in a union

Not sure about home insurance cover will check

Hi there,

Have you raised a formal grievance about the conduct of your colleague? If your organisation is big enough they should have a dignity at work or bullying and harassment policy. If you haven't done so, it might be worth doing this. They would then be obliged to follow the ACAS Code on disciplinary and grievance procedures www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2174 and hold a meeting.

If you are off work with stress, your employer should not be causing you undue stress by raising issues regarding your performance. Why were these not raised when you were in work? If there are performance concerns then they ought to be raised when you are fit enough to deal with any meetings to discuss them.

It sounds as though they need to deal with the conflict between you and your colleague first before you are in a position to return and give of your best. I would write a grievance, requesting that measures be put in place to resolve the relationship difficulties so that your stress can be alleviated. Your employer might be able to offer mediation or transfer you to another department (if large enough). It is somewhat besides the point that you contribute to it: the issue is that your employer needs to take steps to manage it so that you can return to work and give of your best.

I'm not in HR but I am a manager. If this was raised several times before you went off and your manager did not raise the matter of you contributing then I would want to know why it has been raised now? Do you have emails/notes of when it was discussed and how often you raised it

How long have you been off? I'm aghast at the request to pop in to discuss overdue work. Your manager is responsible for ensuring your work is covered and deadlines are not missed whilst you are off and should not be calling you in for this.

Ally-lve raised this by email several times and spoken to hr, hr have told me i need to find a way to accept his behaviour as they are unable to change it and they told me mediation wont work as they believe it will cause further conflict.

Ive asked to redeploy twice and been told no both times.

the winds- ive been off for 7 weeks each time i feel a little stronger i get called, emailed or accosted in the street by managers colleagues or contractors and i get knocked back down again

Your manager certainly doesn't sound very tactful. Work mounting up in their absence is a source of stress to anyone off sick regardless of the reason, so to casually mention no-one's been covering your work wasn't a very nice thing to say.

How long have you been off and are you being supported by Occupational Health? If not I would ask your manager to be referred.

I think you might have to get a bit more assertive (in a polite way) with your manager. I would have a think about what you want to happen both whilst you are off sick and also to help you back to work and change the situation with your colleague. Are there some practical steps you/your manager could take with this - e.g. limiting the amount you work together, ensuring you aren't alone together, putting in place mediation, setting team 'ground rules' for how everyone interacts which are then enforced. Unfortunately just because someone is a manager doesn't mean they automatically have good people skills or even adequate training, and a lot of HR people won't/can't intervene until there's a formal complaint or process in place, so you may have to spell out more what you want to happen/what action you want them to take rather than just spelling out the problem and hoping they'll do something.

If they then still won't do anything you can look into raising a formal grievance. I know it feels like you shouldn't have to do this but sometimes it is the only way to achieve change.

Also I would probably be thinking about whether in the medium/long term this company/job is where you want to be. It doesn't sound like things were great before and they now seem to be going downhill. A fresh start away from the horrible colleague and ineffective manager could really help. Are there any internal opportunities within the company you could look into, perhaps even on a temporary/secondment basis initially?

Good luck, hope it works out for you.

@maxelly - were a team of 2 so no desk relocations etc, weve sat as a team and discussed issues in an attempt to resolve conflict but this has been unsuccessful as colleague is ok for a day or 2 and then becomes rude and aggressive again.

I have clearly asked for any of the following as a resolution

Manager to sit nearer the team so she can hear what is going on

To be redeployed

Mediation

So far they have said no to all 3

Can you write down an account of several specific occasions when you have been bullied, treated with aggression or rudeness by the colleague

Did you have any witnesses, or if not did it happen in a meeting where you can evidence "there were 5 of us in the meeting when he became rude towards me" etc.

It brings it all to life much more if you can be very specific as to exactly what his behaviour was, and how it has affected you (eg it made me feel humiliated, it made me scared, I felt belittled, I was disenfrachised in front of other colleagues, I felt isolated) etc.

Did you, at any stage, try to discuss the behaviour directly with him, to try and get him to see the effect it has been having on you over the months? How did he react to you?

hr have told me i need to find a way to accept his behaviour as they are unable to change it

The fact is they don't want to change his behaviour because they, or your manager could change it by discussing it with him and stating it doesn't align to company policy on bullying. I am making the assumption, as you have an HR dept, that your organisation has a set of guidelines of some description, to state how people are meant to behave.

@daisychain in my initial complaint i outlined in an email the behaviours along with dates etc and have sat with the colleague and manager and gone through everything and it hasnt made one drop of difference the behaviour continues.

The colleague has lashed out publicly at management and hr and still nothing is done

I've a colleague like this. Management just ignores the behaviour. It's very depressing.

@wipsglitter i cant carry on with it anymore im constantly on egg shells

Thanks for the update Nicpem

It doesn't sound positive based on what you've said. They are doing what so many companies do - pay lip service to their bullying policy and failing to deal with it, putting the onus back on the targeted employee.

To maxelly's good point, the next step has to be a formal grievance, with a full account of this person's behaviour, referencing the company's policies on Grievances and Bullying / Harrassment. Highlight and reiterate the points you've already made about his behaviour targeted at you without just cause, and include the impact on you personally and professionally.

As they haven't placed you on performance management, there should be no impediment to them immediately conducting a formal investigation and placing on record their intended actions in response to your grievance. You can lodge your grievance during your sick leave and highlight your absence is a direct consequence of the colleague's behaviour towards you and you trust the company will take the matter seriously.

I raised a formal grievance against a colleague who bullied me, I had documented everything and there was no denying that I was definitely bullied by this person. Mediation was a farce, she bullied me during it! I knew my boss didn't believe me when she justified to the bully that I was bullied because I had felt bullied, not that there was overwhelming proof. A behaviour agreement was drawn up, I didn't see why I should sign it as it wasn't my behaviour in question. I did to keep the peace. The bullying continues and I raised it again, it's obvious they don't believe me and now Management are now trying to force me out. It's been ongoing for almost 3 years. I'm exhausted and very anxious. Finally plucked up the courage to see my GP about it today, he insisted I take a month break from that environment. I was reluctant because I'm worried I won't go back, everyday is a battle to walk in the building. I know it's not a solution but I'm hoping the break will help find a way out of this situation. I wish I'd seen the GP 2 years ago. He was adamant it was all documented and that my note said work related stress so that I have evidence of how much it's affected me. I hope you can find a way out of your situation.

Raise a grievance and speak to acas, they sound like complete arse holes. Your manager is either inexperienced or incompetent in the lack of management of this horrible colleague. A tribunal will wipe the floor with them because they waited until you were off sick to raise performance issues, that is constructive and idiotic. Get on to acas the will support you

We need to be clear here, this does not have the conditions that would amount to constructive dismissal. It has been going on for several years, arguable the OP has continued in their employment, so has accepted the situation. The OP should seek clarification from ACAS.

Employment Tribunals do not wipe the floor with anyone, they undergo a legal process and they consider evidence in the context of legislation, and determine the outcomes. I do agree that telling an employee for the first time, while they are on sick leave, that there are performance issues, is appalling practice and it would be frowned on at Tribunal, but that isn't the same as breaking employment law.

If, for example, the company dismissed the employee while they are on sick leave, citing performance issues, now that would be in breach of their contract of employment, as they have over 2 years continuous employment rights.