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Ill treatment of pregnant employee

12 replies

Rose1118 · 19/12/2018 10:29

I told my job I was pregnant at 5 weeks due to a miscarriage scare, I have history of miscarriage so am very cautious and now I'm 9 weeks I'm still not letting myself get excited or talk about it. I'm just trying to survive until 12 weeks. I only told my manager, and when I went in on my next shift everyone knew and kept coming up and congratulating me. I confronted her very upset as I don't want to talk about it yet, she just shrugged it off and said she's not sure if she let the cat out the bag or not and she's sorry IF it was her. (Who else would it of been?!) I then said I'm incredibly unhappy that people are now going to constantly talk to me about the pregnancy and I don't want to answer questions this early, she then offered to "tell them I have history of miscarriage and to not ask me" which just seemed massively inappropriate.

I was off sick after this with hyperemesis gravidium, I informed them of my week off sick and they continued to call me and hassle me for health updates every day I was off. They also rang me the day of a scan to confirm miscarriage (thankfully I hadn't miscarried) asking why I hadn't rang them to tell them how the scan had gone and that they needed this information. I appreciate they need to know if I'm off sick or not but I was already signed off and it doesn't seem like the first thing I should do after a miscarriage is call my manager. At my return to work they then said I hadn't made adequate contact and that they had to keep taking the time to come chase me, I have a second part time job who I also informed I was off and they didn't contact me once.. because they knew I was sick and that I had to contact them the next Monday with an update (which I did to both jobs)

I'm not assigned any work in this role, I have complained about this multiple times and have just been told that they needed to hire me to prove they needed the job whilst the other woman was on secondment. I have worked there for about 3 months and was supposed to have 2 months left. I spend 4 and a half hours a day just sat a desk doing absolutely nothing, but I'm not allowed to use my phone or bring a book in, I am literally expected to just sit there. Obviously with my history and being in the first 12 weeks having nothing to occupy my mind for so long just makes me panicky and I overthink to no end and I'm finding it all very stressful.

I've been signed off sick constantly due to the hyperemesis, I've been put on new medication to try and control it and I want to try and get back to my second job, which is just for a couple of hours in the mornings and I find a lot more manageable, they also treat me kindly and I don't feel stressed and anxious to go to that role. I have wanted to quit the first job since I started due to having no work, but I need the money and have struggled to find suitable employment and will struggle more now I'm pregnant.

I finally bit the bullet and handed in my notice, and they're demanding a months notice. I've explained that I'm finding full days exhausting, everyone's aware I'm throwing up constantly throughout the day. I'm stressed. Constantly upset. Constantly being asked about the pregnancy. I just can't take it. I can't do another month there, it's making me ill.

I've emailed HR asking to have my notice waived on health grounds, I've also informed them of all of the above. Where do I stand? I'm waiting to hear back but I'm sick with dread. I just feel they're treating me so inappropriately.

OP posts:
Rose1118 · 19/12/2018 10:42

Anybody please Sad

OP posts:
KatnissMellark · 19/12/2018 10:44

Go to a sympathetic GP and get signed off. I had similar and it did me no good.

Rose1118 · 19/12/2018 10:46

@KatnissMellark I'm currently signed off. I have 2 jobs though, 1 is only for a couple of hours in the morning and I'd make more money doing just that job then I will being signed off on SMP from both. I really need as much money as possible to save up for baby as I am on a debt management plan. I can't afford another month on SMP Sad

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/12/2018 10:49

It sounds absolute sh*t. I'm not an expert, but I'm here....in the absence of any other/better advice I would go sick, and get a sick note from your doctor. Then don't answer calls, as you're not going back, and its making you ill.

KatnissMellark · 19/12/2018 10:53

Ah I see. In that case, what about a fit note? Are your two jobs different so you could ask for a fit note stating that 'Rose118 is fit to do xyz (ie first job) but is unable to do abc (job with arsehole boss)'?

If not a third option would be to self certify for the maximum amount of time once your note ends then return for a day and if things are the same, self certify again.

I mean what are they going to do, fire you? Confused It really wouldn't matter as presumably you don't want to be there anyway, and pregnancy related sickness cannot be used against you.

You have my sympathies. I was pregnant with twins and lost one so had a lot of medical appointments for a very risky pregnancy which had taken five years and four rounds of IVF to achieve...my boss was mental! Told me my miscarriage was an inconvenience, didn't care if I post the other baby, tried to block me attending medical appointments, gave me fair negative feedback, tried to change my role, sidelined me, cut me out...it absolutely trashed my mental health, so honestly do everything you can to get out Flowers

KatnissMellark · 19/12/2018 10:55

Lost the baby, not post the baby

And unfair negative feedback!!

Stupid autocorrect!

User323676890 · 19/12/2018 10:59

Call ACAS to ask for advice. What is your written contractual notice period? In your position if you don’t need a reference I’d personally just refuse to serve notice, not turn up, and block any calls.

Also give Maternity Action a call. It sounds like you are being harassed due to your particular condition. The prospect of a maternity discrimination claim might get them off your back.

User323676890 · 19/12/2018 11:01

Here you go: www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/advice-line/

Rose1118 · 19/12/2018 11:04

Thank you everyone. Appreciate the replies.

@Hulahulahula Both my jobs are with the same employer, though in different areas and entirely different staff/management. I'm worried if I just don't turn up to my notice in one role that it could affect my job with the other?

OP posts:
User323676890 · 19/12/2018 11:07

Yes probably in that case. Do call Maternity Action as a first step. It’s free and they might also be able to refer you on to other free advice.

If you are sick during your notice period are you not paid for part of that by both jobs?

KatnissMellark · 19/12/2018 11:12

Ah that does make it more complicated then.

AngryAngryAngry this makes me so angry. Several years down the line I still can't understand how someone can be such an arsehole. And it's still happening. And it will carry on happening.

ACAS or maternity action OP. If the organisation is big enough, perhaps even HR- maybe factually state how things have been dealt with differently and ask for some guidance on how to navigate the inconsistency...it might prompt them to do something...but probably not.

Look after yourself.

And, by the way, congratulations!!! Try to enjoy this time. I know it is so difficult, but it really should be joyous/exciting, not overshadowed by horrible discriminatory bastards.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/12/2018 11:51

Do you need to be paid for the months notice? You could explain to HR that you're feeling so unwell that you don't think you could work it; and could you negotiate mutually terminating your employment now instead - but if there is no work for you there and you are literally there to prove a position is still needed, they may prefer that you're off sick.

In either case, you risk harming your other job if it's with the same employer. Realistically it seems unlikely that you could navigate a way out of the one job without hurting the other, if I'm honest.

I'm so sorry this has happened Thanks

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