Which job? Relaxed £50k pa job or more demanding £70k pa job?

[windygallows]

I am in a luxurious position of having a well paid and relatively easy and flexible job with a relaxed manager, interesting work and colleagues. £50k pa. I do have to do a lot of extra work at night and weekends from home but it's not excessive. However I have been there a long time (7 yrs) and want to move my career on and there is little opportunity for progress.

I've been offered a job in a SME that pays much more and sounds fascinating but would be much more demanding, as befits the salary, and much more extra working and responsibility. Wouldn't be relaxed, would be expected to really drive the business forward but would be challenging and help to further my career. It pays £70k pa and would net about £800 more/month.

WWYD? I'm a single parent with two little ones so worried the higher paid option might be too much for me to take on but equally worried if I don't take it then I won't get the chance again. Everyone (family, friends) thinks I'm crazy to take the new job when I've 'got it so good' in existing role.

Rosa how long have you been in your current role?

That's the worst possible outcome you're describing there. The reality would be somewhere between that and the best possible outcome. The change would be stressful because adjusting to a new life always is...but that would be a temporary state. After that, life would settle down and you'd make the best of it.

Whichever decision you make, it won't be all good or all bad. And my apologies for that statement...it was useless advice when it was given to me and it's useless now. Just don't fall into the trap of black and white thinking, where one outcome is "right" and one is "wrong".

I'd say go for it, think of the lovely things you could do for your children with an extra £800pm! And you've said you want to progress, good luck! X

No. The more I think on it the more I think you stay put and keep looking.
I know it's not fair but if you are the main parent then you do owe it to your kids to be present when you are with them ( not always distracted) and not be extra stressed and exhausted.
I don't know how old you are but if we are all going to be working until 68 ( well, you suckers will, I will have sold my business and be on a yacht in the Caribbean in my dreams ) you have time to realise your ambitions.
I honestly couldn't have cared less about a high flying job when dc was small as I felt knackered just doing an ordinary one plus the cleaning, shopping, child stuff so I'm already in awe of anyone actually having a career while doing all that.
In a few years you might find the whole prospect a lot more doable.

Personally, I think it's too many changes in one go. If you were single it would be a completely different ball game.

DH's friend split up with his wife a couple of years ago. He has always been successful career-wise and was doing a job he loved with a company he believed in. He wasn't earning his potential (c. £80k) so decided to take a job abroad. Other than more than doubling his salary, it was possibly the worst decision he could have made. He has stuck with it but has had problems with his boss, the company culture and for the first time in his career was actually failing at his job. Added to that, the country he moved to is very different to the UK. His wife moved away to a remote part of the UK so he barely sees his kids and his new girlfriend has lived in new country 10+ years and doesn't sound like she would want to move the UK. On balance, I think he might have been best to stick with the great job and sort out selling the family home then deciding where to move (if at all) then changing job.

I would keep looking for another opportunity or set up a gig on the side if it were me.

Good luck whatever you decide.

IfNot thank you for your comments. My current role is full time and I usually also catch up on work and emails from 9-12pm every night plus every Sunday. As i have to do everything with DCs and the house, and life admin it is really quite hard to do more.

I'm having difficulty reconciling the fact that I'm not going to get the career I want now but it's something many women have to reconcile with and as one poster noted below, it doesn't mean never, just not now. sigh!

I left an (old, comfortable) job six months ago for a new job, and I wish I hadn't.

New job turned out to be not what I thought it was at all, very strange boss who treated me like an assistant and wouldn't delegate any meaningful work.

I then left and took another job which I'm not sure about either as it was an 'any port in a storm' situation, I'm now thinking of quitting and taking a bit of a break to find what I really want. Basically, it's a mess and I'm probably going to use up my savings just to get back to a role similar to what I left in the first place (although I'd never go back to my former employer, management were very toxic)

So basically, the grass is not always greener and less you're very sure I'd say there can be a benefit in staying where you are.

No do not move to an SME - I’m sorry but my family have all had very bad experiences of being made redundant when the business slows down as has my very high achieving friend. As a lone parent you need security in your job and I really would not move my children if I was going to be soending way more time in work. Also what support system do you have where you are now and what would you have if you moved? BTW my friends and I have worked long enough in business to know there are always more opportunities so no need to take a compromise role. Keep looking.

BTW my friends and I have worked long enough in business to know there are always more opportunities so no need to take a compromise role. Keep looking. thank you Anna's girl - that line is very comforting!

Think it through really carefully. If the main attraction is being better off financially - will you be? If your new long hours mean you are forking out for wrap around child care, a cleaner, ready meals every night and late taxis home, then is the stress and the reduced hours with your children worth it? But if you'd relish the challenge and it might lead to still bigger and better things, then do it.
My choice would always be to spend as much time with DC as possible while they are young and look for more challenges as they grow independent. But only if that luxury doesn't leave you skint. Sounds like you are doing a great job already.

Generally larger firms are more flexible especially with work from home. So it’s very possible you may be able to spend more time with your children. Have you researched the company?

Go for it OP.

The extra 20k will allow you to get more flexible childcare, maybe a cleaner etc.

I think you may regret it in a few years when your little ones are older if you don't take this opportunity.

Update - I turned down the job. I'm not sure if it's the right decision and will never know but I felt like the risks outweighed the benefits and I couldn't go back and forth any more. Probably not the right decision but I just didn't think I had the energy to make it all happen. sigh! Thanks all for your helpful comments. Onwards and upwards.

I think that was probably the right thing to do windy.

I turned down a job with a £15k pay rise earlier this year, it would have netted me £700 ish a month after tax and involved a one hour commute whereas I currently walk to work.

I decided that I was only interested because of the money (and I was, especially the additional pension contributions) and that wasn't a good enough reason to deal with the rest of it.

@Toomanybaubles, I really wanted to do it - both for career progression and the move. It was also a v interesting job. But I had no one to help and new support in the new town and I felt that might be tricky if I do have to work long hours or things just fall apart a bit. I'm pretty gutted about it and now looking for something else closer by.

If it's any comfort, being a lone parent, I think you made absolutely the right decision for now.

Guarding your work/life balance should really be high up your priority list now.

You earn a decent salary, and the additional flexibility will continue to be worth it as the DC grow and require more of your 'guidance time'.

Been there, and as the kids grow, it's the time that you will value more than anything.

Best Wishes

@alwayslearning789 Thank you. That is very comforting to know and really helpful coming from another single parent.

Sounds great, you should absolutely go for the new job.

You weighed it up sensibly - that’s not a regrettable decision, its a good one (sometimes its not glamorous or exciting doing the right thing, but you are doing great and this will fire you up for the right next step in the future).

I have recently had a similar quandary. I am not a single parent, but my husband works evenings, sometimes feels like it.

I have just received almost £7k to stay in the same role, having pointed out that i was not being paid market rate for my role.

I turned down a further £8k to move to a role in London as the increase would have been swallowed up by commuting breakfast /after school club , plus there was also the time.

I have been with this company 23 years. I interviewed for 2 jobs and was offered both, so I am confident the roles are suitable.

If a move is what you desire, the right opportunity will show up at the right pay band and there will be no red flags attached.

Like @PrincessDando, I left a old but comfortable job a year ago. Moved for a pretty chunky pay increase to a company with a slick profile that turned out to be a total shit-show (culture toxic, board level management ineffectual, slackers permitted, dept head from hell, skills under-utilised whilst being paid crazy money).

I escaped after 6months. It is not all about the money and if I am being honest, I ignored a lot of red flags even though I knew deep down that the role & company was not right for me.

Like others have said, I have accepted a couple of the jobs in the past that turned out to be a nightmare. If I'm honest, there were red flags.

Conversely, I didn't have any doubts about the jobs that turned out okay.

You hesitate for a reason. It's really important that you pay attention to your gut feeling.

I think you've made the right decision. Just keep looking for the next opportunity....

Stay where you are.Stability is good when dcs are at.home.It could be a bridge too far to juggle that new job and two dcs.I work in a lower paid industry and I've seen so many people go above me burn out of turn to drink....seriously and end up no better off financially despite their salary being more.

@whatisforteamum thanks for the advice.

I've been feeling very down about my decision not to take the role as it's so hard to give up a good career opportunity and I know I could have done a great job. I love my DCs but finding the compromises I'm having to make in my career really heartbreaking, affecting me more than I thought possible. As a lone parent I've accepted that I have to step up to the plate and do all the house/home/wife work but having to dial down my career has been the saddest part for me.

My DH and I both have good jobs and very good salaries but if we both did our jobs in the "private" sector we'd earn 2-3 times the amount. However, we both have very flexible working, decent pensions, options to work at home, other non-cash benefits. So we've both decided that it's definitely not worth moving to the private sector and losing all the flexibility / relaxed working we have. Some things are worth more than extra money.