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Original poster

Hi.

39 replies

LKAO · 15/12/2018 14:59

Hi all.

My name is Luke and i hope you don't mind me posting on here, i'm in desperate need of some advice.

I'm 24 and my partner is 25 (We are both Gay) and live together in the South West of England, i am in my final year of my degree and will graduate in June 2019.

My partner has been in his current work (WHSmith) he earns £12,000 a year for 3 years however we're looking to buy our first home together and despite his best endeavors he's unable to get anywhere in regards to a new job which pays more.

And it's beginning to grind on me as i work 28 hours a work part time and earn more than he does!

I moved down here from up north where i'm originally from 2 years ago to be with him, but i feel he's going nowhere fast and i'm much more of a go getter.

Is there anything i can do to help him? As my patience is wearing thin.

Thanks.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 17:25

If you have a graduate job for 2019, why do you want to move?

What makes you think he’ll be any more successful in getting a better paid job up north?

eliolip · 15/12/2018 17:27

Also I moved from South West to midlands for my partner who really wanted to move for better career opportunities and because it'd be cheaper to buy. 2 years in and we're still renting, he's still unemployed and it took me 7 months to find a job even though I was perfectly happy in my old job in my hometown and now I resent him very often for it.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 17:28

I’d love to the the equivalent thread from his point of view...

My partner keeps putting pressure on me to get a better paid job. I’m trying my best but I hadn’t been successful. We keep having arguments where he tries to pressure me to move a long way from my home, and although I keep swing I don’t want to and I’m happy where I am, he won’t drop it. What should I do?

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 17:28

Apologies for typos there.

Original poster
LKAO · 15/12/2018 17:30

Just to clarify i moved from Leeds, to Exeter to be with him as he's from Sidmouth i switched to study in Exeter which i did for him.

I'm more than happy to move again if he finds something that he wants to do, but my frustration is he has no drive to find something better he doesn't apply unless i'm in his ear about it.

He tells me he doesn't want to work at Smiths when he's 40 i said fine apply for something else and now he's fed up because he's getting nowhere with his applications.

And i believe he could get better prospects up north as we've been looking at positions for him which he likes the LOOK of but won't apply he just states that he's happy here and doesn't want to move.

OP posts:
cheesywotnots · 15/12/2018 17:32

Bringing home 1k a month is not the same as earning 12k a year, that is his take home pay after deductions. There are places you could look at to buy outside Exeter city, what do you expect to be earning when you start work.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 17:33

My partner keeps putting pressure on me to get a better paid job. I’m trying my best but I haven’t been successful. We keep having arguments where he tries to pressure me to move a long way from my home, and although I keep saying I don’t want to and I’m happy where I am, he won’t drop it. What should I do?

What would you advise this person to do?

daisychain01 · 15/12/2018 21:03

What qualifications does your partner have?

Frustrating though it must be to you, being in this stalemate, the only thing you can do is try to reason with him that if he wants you to be able to afford a house together, it means he has to change his attitude from can't be bothered to at least giving it a try.

It will take more than you wanting him to get a better paid job with more prospects, he has to want to contribute towards a better future.

swingofthings · 16/12/2018 05:09

Is it the lack of money that gets to you or do you find his lack of ambitions a turn off? If the former, than maybe things will be OK when you too work FT and earn more. If he takes home £1000 after tax, he isn't earning £12k but more.

If the latter, maybe you need to accept that you are not compatible after all.

Alfie190 · 16/12/2018 05:28

I think he has every right to choose to stay in his home area and you are being very unfair trying to force him to move north. You knew what he did for a living before you moved to be with him didn't you? Stop trying to change people. If you don't like who he is, leave him alone i.e. Split up.

Gina2012 · 16/12/2018 05:57

I don't think he's going to change

He'd rather earn a low wage and live in the SW than potentially earn more and potentially be able to buy a property, up North.

There's nothing wrong with that

But if it's not right for you, then you need to end the relationship and move on with your life

umizoomi · 16/12/2018 09:50

He works in retail. So moving to Leeds and working in retail won't change his salary.

It depends what he wants to do and what he is qualified to do. What are these 'opportunities' in Leeds?

Also what kind of job/salary are you likely to get? You are above the average age for a recent graduate so either you went late or you are going to be a doctor or similar as that's a longer course in which case you salary will be reasonable. But to be honest OP, graduate salaries are a lot of a mishmash and what defines a 'graduate' salary and job is not what it was 30 years ago.

Lazypuppy · 16/12/2018 10:08

If he brings home £1k a month his salary isn't £12k. His salary is what he earns before tax, ni deductions,pension etc

BIWI · 16/12/2018 10:56

Property in Leeds is actually pretty expensive these days - unless you want to live in a not-so nice area. You'll probably get just as good a property in the SW

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