Help me with this inner conflict

[Miggins]

I am currently a SAHM with ds aged 3 and dd aged 10 months. Much as I adore my two children I really want to go back to work 2 days a week as I miss the social interaction, intellectual stimulation etc but really struggle with the thought of leaving them in nursery. Part of me feels that if I go back to work I am putting my needs before theirs or am I being a martyr by staying at home with them full-time even though this makes me feel quite miserable at times.
Do all working Mums feel like this?

i didn't i was glad to get away from mine, andquite frankly i think they were glad to get away from me too.

You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't!

All I can say is that in my experience, I found I was a more attentive Mum after I went back to work as my time with ds and dd was more precious.

I found childcare I was 95% happy with (100% is impossible!!!) which made it easier, but then I would drop dc's off and feel guilty that I was so busy at work, I did not think of them all day!

To repeat:

You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't!

If you're not enjoying being with them full time then you probably need to go back to work to fulfil your needs as much as theirs. I had to go back to work when dd was 17 weeks old and it broke my heart at the time, but looking back, I couldn't have been a SAHM full time - she got much more stimulation from my sister who minded her for me.

Gone to the other extreme now though and I am away with work or late back far too often and trying to get the correct balance so that I can be there more for her is proving challenging due to the nature of my job.

I think it's more important to have a happy mummy. So if it will make you happier then do it - and don't feel guilty or that will negate the whole point of doing it! You can always resign if you end up feeling it is not for you.

2 days a week isnt that much, and they will still be with you for the other 5. Try and find childcare that you trust and like first, whether its nursery or nanny share etc. Tbh i was very apprehensive before doing 2 days a week when ds was a year old but as soon as i did i was very glad i made that decision.

Now i am at the other extreme. I have been a sahm for 9 1/2 years, and my dc3 is starting school in September. The obvious question that everyone is asking is "oooooooooh what are you going to do with yourself now then?"

So whereas i personally feel that i would quite happily like to still stay at home for at least the first term i can't help but feel that maybe i am being totally selfish and should be going back out into the big wide world.

i think 3 year olds are fine with a preschool so 2 days is just all their sessions together - the 10 month old will find it harder usually because it's the age for separation anxiety - i'd go for a childminder if you can as it's more like what she's used to.
i do know a lot of miserable part time working mums too because they don't feelthey're doing a good job of home or work and i tend to remember that work could be really dull and full of arses at times too, it's not for ever - 4 years?and you can do lots of other things in the evening and so on for social stuff. however, you will be in the majority if you do this and it won't kill them and it may make you feel whole again which is precious.

My three yr old would be totally fine. I am just not sure about the baby.

Sometimes the relentless grind really gets me down. It is just same old stuff every day. No accolades, no praise really.

I used to be quite high acheiving and I am looking forward to being so again but I had a shit childhood (not connected to a parent working - my mum was a sahm)and really want to do the best I can for my girls.

I went through the guilt even though I was glad to out of the home as I am in no way a natural mother and probably not a very good one so dd was probably better of with me in work.

I dont think 2 days is much to ask.