Hi everyone, I’m hoping there are some wise HR/employment law experts here who can help. Any advice would be MUCH appreciated, so thank you :)
Background (bit long sorry but relevant):
I work for a large multinational. I’ve been at the company about 4 years, and I’ve been promoted once.
I’m in my late 20s, and in June of this year, my fiancé of 7 years and I went on a break and subsequently broke up. This has been the most painful experience of my life so far, and really knocked me for six. We lived together, we were half way through buying a house together, I was closer to his mum than I am to my own, and it’s been a very emotional few months.
I didn’t tell anyone at work at the time but it definitely affected my performance at work. In July, my manager questioned my work and set out various projects/deadlines on paper which were sent to me in an email. I panicked and ended up crying in front of her the next day, and told her about the break up. She was pretty neutral but asked if I had supportive friends/family, which I confirmed. A few weeks after that I discovered that my ex-fiancé was already seeing someone, and that they had already been dating 4 weeks after I moved out (or so I thought). I found out at work and couldn’t stop crying, so I told my manager and asked if I could work from home the rest of the day, which she agreed to. Other than that, I’ve not mentioned this break up to her or other senior people at work and I’ve not taken any proper time off until recently. But the emotional repercussions have definitely been going on in the background. My manager also didn’t again bring up the projects/deadlines she’d sent to me by email.
Fast forward to October: a close family member had a serious health scare, and at this time I was still in touch with my ex-fiance’s mum, so I mentioned this to her. My ex-fiancé then got in touch with me to say he hoped everything was okay, which led to us having contact again and considering getting back together. Over a very difficult few weeks I discovered that he had actually gone on holiday with his new girlfriend 6 days after we started our break, that they had met before I actually moved out of the house we shared together, and various other things which he had been hiding from me. It was extremely traumatic. We basically went through a second break up, and I also had to ‘break up’ with his parents, as I knew we had to stop all contact. It was the right decision and a relief in a lot of ways to find these things out, but also just utterly shit, and again I was super emotional and distracted throughout all of this. During most of this time, my manager was actually away on holiday for a month, and then I went away for two weeks of holiday, so we had a good 6 weeks of no work contact.
The day I got back from holiday (end of Nov) my manager sat me down and told me that she’s worried that I’m going to struggle in my annual review in January/February, that my performance had been ‘noticed’, that there had been feedback that I’ve not been very available or easy to get hold of, and that there had been a few ‘misses’. She said she thinks there’s still time, but the previous plan we had agreed on was out of date and sent me a new plan with new deadlines. I mostly listened in the meeting and tried not to say anything because I’m terribly scared. Since then I’ve been knuckling down and really trying to deliver. The projects/deadlines are intense and it’s meant working late nights and weekends. But I’m terrified that it won’t be enough and that I’ll be put on an employment improvement plan at my annual review.
I’m posting here because I’d really like to get advice from anyone who’s an expert in HR and/or employment law, on the best way to handle this situation. Can anyone advise me on the following:
• Should I talk more to my manager about what I’ve been through over the last 6 months?
• Should I acknowledge/agree that I have not been performing?
• I also have an eating disorder which I get lots of support for but flared up over the last 6 months due to all the stress/emotional pain – should I mention this? I’d prefer not to, but is it in my best interest?
• What will happen in Jan/Feb if I don’t meet the bar for my annual review?
• Will her manager (my skip manager) be aware of all this? I’m supposed to have monthly catch ups with this skip manager - should I open up about everything? How open should I be?
• What if I can’t meet some of the new deadlines? I have already missed one due to the massively intense workload of 1 specific project – my manager is aware this has been pushed back, but will this come back to bite me come Jan/Feb?
• Do you have any other advice on how I can manage this? I just really want to get out of the woods and back on an even keel with my life, frankly.
For context, I don’t think my manager is a horrible person, but she is not emotionally invested and is extremely critical/prickly (not just of me, across the board in all her interactions), and the whole atmosphere just now feels intensely oppressive. I am considering looking for a new job but I was hoping to buy a house in the new year, and I’d rather stay put for now if I can.
Any advice would be really, really gratefully appreciated.