Why do i get so disproportionately stressed when I cock up?

[lightlypoached]

I'm good at my job, but I'm human and make mistakes. every time I do, I get soooooo stressed it's mad - high flushed colour, racing heart, not being able to sleep, paranoia every time the phone rings, avoiding looking at emails, thinking I'm going to be sacked, but deciding milliseconds later that I'll just resign and save them the trouble. All over basic stuff that anyone can get wrong, or just things where I've made a call on something complex and someone has a different view.

Is this just me or are there any other high-performing professionals out there who do this?

for background my job is quite high-pressure with multiple spinning-plates,, but I work in a decent company with nice people, so why do I go into overdrive all the bloody time?

should I just pack it in and do gardening for a living?

sorry for the rant, am having a bad day. anyone else have experiece of this, or advice as to how I can get a grip on a regular basis and save my sanity?

thanks

just me then

Hey I have exactly the same as you. I think as I have got older it has got a bit better. I think that mine is due to lack of confidence however as you said we are human and unfortunately we make mistakes. I have got to the point that my son is my priority and I'm just shattered by the end of the day so I sleep. But don't get me wrong I still do it just not as much though I have reduced my hours so that might be why lol

Although not as extream as you I have had similar thoughts. I have had counselling and some hypnotherapy which had helped me get to the root of the problem (some childhood stuff) and it has really helped.

Exactly the same as you here. It all came to a head this time last year and I self referred to the local mental health team and diagnosed with anxiety. Did online CBT which really really helped.

I still sometimes feel similar now but it passes much quicker and doesn’t feel as all encompassing.

I think for me it’s around some sort of imposter syndrome and the fear of being caught out.

For me, meditation, exercise and reducing caffeine help massively.

Lightlypoached - I've read your post twice and I can relate to all of it. It's the same scenario for me too.

I don't know what the answer is. I am going try mindfulness and breathing exercises.

I've been having some counselling for exactly this. I've just joined a lovely company but in my previous role I was absolutely paranoid I was going to be sacked for making a mistake. It was a bullying culture tho and I don't entirely feel it wasn't warranted.

Counselling has helped me to see things more reasonably, evaluate the actual evidence and stop catastrophysing. It was definitely worth doing.

I do that too. Sometimes will wake up for night after night worrying I should have done something differently. I know a number of my colleagues are the same. I also have a fairly high pressure job where poor decisions could lead to death which doesn’t help! I sometimes wonder if it is just too many years of having to make decisions.

I try and meditate (although am rubbish at keeping it up) and find that doing nice things when I am not at work makes a massive difference as does more time with friends which distracts my brain from ruminating. Debriefing with friends sometimes also makes me realise that my errors weren’t actually errors!

thankyou everyone, so glad i'm not alone - though wish none of you were suffering too.
I've had anxiety, stress and burnout several times over my 30 year career, and @Mide7 imposter syndrome definitely plays a part.

I swing from loving my job and feeling fulfilled and proud that i've 'made it' in a tough, male dominated industry to just wanting to quit/retire early.

maybe I need to revisit the relaxation stuff again...... and do more debriefing as @mrbob suggests.

I think a lot of mine is down to a) hating conflict and b) not wanting to show weakness (I was bullied at work a few years back and that stays with me still). God I wish I could be one of those gung-ho people who just don't seem to give a shit!

I could have written this! How are things now @lightlypoached ?

@MINEareCRAFTy a bit better. I do a lot of yoga and exercise now, and my mortgage is smaller so I have less pressure to keep the job. I still get quite stressed but I think I manage it better now.

are you suffering?

I go up and down with it but I recently did some CAT and that really helped to sort of give me permission to make mistakes although having said that, I think it's hard in practice! I'm a nurse too so I think it's drummed into you to almost be robotic like in your ability 😕