Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Row with mum over nursery

37 replies

mylittleman · 23/06/2007 12:32

We are sending our son to nursery when he is 8 months old as I have to go back to work for financial reasons. My mother has strong views on the matter and really thinks he is too young to be at nursery full time. In an ideal world I would give anything to stay at home with him a bit longer or go back to work part time but it's not possible. I now feel really sad and really guilty about it all. I guess what my mum said got to me cos I have misgivings about it, but on the other hand my mum knows I can't afford to go part time so I wish she had kept her mouth shut to be honest.
I guess I just need some supportive words from those of you in the same boat or those who have been through it.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 26/06/2007 16:30

DD went to a nurseyr, albeit PT, from 5 months and she thrived there. Not a single day's worry or concern at all. She loved it and her carers loved being with her.

I chose a day nursery over a childmonder for many reasons, and would do exactly the same again.

What does your mum suggest? Tell her you will stay home if you can find someone willing to give you the amount of money you would get from working.

Your mum is being really unfair.

AlbusPercivalWulfricBrianSun · 26/06/2007 16:43

DS went at 7m full time. He loves it and I specifically chose nursery as I thought the environment would be good for him. He's sociable and we make the most of the time we have together.

Foxey · 26/06/2007 16:58

My dd went 4 days a week from 4mths to be honest though I found being at home with a baby that young quite dull (no offense!). I liked work and went back - dd is now 14mths and she is thriving and now i wish I could have some more time at home with her as have had to go full time from 13mths. dd loves painting and dancing, she also has a brother/sister rel. with a boy who has been there from the same age which is great interaction for her etc.. i honestly don't think she would have got as much stimuly just at home with me.

MrsBoo · 26/06/2007 16:59

I had exactly the same situation with my Mum. In my nursery it is 1:2 care in the baby room, and there were only 4 babies. My older DS has been going since he was 14 months, and little DD since she was 3 mths. Now DS is in their after school club too. They are both really happy.
But I still get my Mum saying, oh those poor kids going to school every day blah blah - and then I see her looking after my sisters youngest after school and in the holidays. And my neice is just hanging out, at her grannies, doing messages, work etc - but not having loads of friends to play with, trips, swimming,etc like my little ones. Drives me mad!

joash · 26/06/2007 17:00

DS went into creches and nurseries from being 5 days old, as I went back to work. He is now 17 (almost 18). He is extremely confident, very independant, can look after himself emotionally, physically and financially. He is extremely loving and caring. He has travelled all over europe without us. He is intelligent, could read and write from an early age and is currently studying to become a barrister.

In contrast DD1 did not go to any nursery until she started school. She was never confortable at school and found it difficult to be away from us and to mix with other people. We couldn't leave her anywhere. Now at 26 she has only recently begun to develop her confidence, and has for the first time in her life - gone on holiday abroad.

I think nursery wil do your little one a world of good. It also improves your relationship with them as the time you can spend with them becomes more important IYSWIM.

Take no notice of your mum. My mother thinks I'm a bad mother, in fact I am "...the devil incarnate for what I put my kids through..." (She means for working to put food on the table, clothes oin their backs and staying wiht the same bloke for 25 years - instead of following her lead). DO whats best for you and your family.

Mumpbump · 26/06/2007 17:04

My mum went back to work when I was 4 months old, leaving me with a childminder, but got very upset at the idea of ds going to nursery, despite having raised two career focused daughters. She actually ended up in tears when she came with me to pick ds up once so I won't let her collect him now.

Suggest to your mum that she could look after ds or tell her that if she can work out a way for you to be able to afford to stay at home without selling your house, you will be happy to oblige her. Otherwise, tough! It really p*sses me off that people give women guilt-trips over their decision to return to work, especially when it is a question of financial necessity and not a choice.

Eight · 26/06/2007 17:05

I agree with Enid.

joash · 26/06/2007 17:09

TBH I would be careful about asking your mum to take over from some of the nusrery stuff. My experience (with my own & SIL had same issues with her mum) is that mums tend to spend time with the grandkids oin the same way as they spent with their own. Nursery will do educational stuff with them (suitableto their age of course) whereas gran's tend to jus give them anything that will keep them quiet. Sorry - not meaning to diss anyones mum - it also depends on the age of the gran.

Mumpbump · 26/06/2007 17:14

BTW, I am assuming that your mum wouldn't want the responsibility of caring for your son full-time! Agree that nursery is a much more stimulating environment and don't have televisions so you can rest assured your ds isn't stuck in front of the box all day. The other reason we went for a nursery is because it is self-checking, ie. no carer is going to act inappropriately - eg. smacking - because there are other adults around...

NAB3 · 26/06/2007 17:15

Your Mum needs to either offer to help with either money or childcare, or keep out of your business. If you really have to work then you have made your decision and you must stick by it. Find the best childcare for your son and get on with it.

Mojomummy · 11/07/2007 14:21

I can understand where you mum is coming from & also how you are feeling.

I went back to work parttime when DD1 was 7mths old. I thought it was great. 3 years down the line, I regret it. I did 3 days a week & of course the money came in handy (I could have managed without it though)

DD2 is almost a year & I 100% don't want to go back. I think it's such a shame to put little ones in nurserys. They hate it, they all cry & they grow up needing attention all the time.

Those few years go so fast & I although it's great to have some babyfree time (ie when they are asleep), their place is at home with mummy.

I really don't believe babies thrive in nursery - how can they ? I expect your mum is sad that her grandchild is going to nursery & having been there I can understand it.

Agree that a good childminder is the better option.

Possibly not what you want to hear, but always good to make an informed decision.

Good luck with it.

Heated · 11/07/2007 14:46

You do whatever you need to do; thousands of other mothers do the same. Your mother, knowing you, should know better than to lay this guilt trip on you.

A lot of working parents claim childcare vouchers rather than tax credit which can be worth more - it depends on how much you earn and who you work for, but a lot of employers run the scheme.

I'm in the fortunate position of being able to afford to work part time but I have to say both my children love nursery. Where they go isn't cheap but it is a fantastic place to be - on a vistor's farm - and they both are happy and confident.

Flip

1 2