getting better at my job = critical, clingy colleague

[user1471449040]

Hi. Thanks in advance for your help. I'm really at a loss. Long time lurker (river of sweetcorn, poo cube, penetraaation man, naice ham etc) although I rarely post.

Background: this is about me and my colleague, Wilma (*not her real name). We are on the same pay grade and have the same manager. There is no way to move up. It is up to you to either skill up and get better at your job (or not) and stay, or move companies. In the past, I've spent many hours helping her with projects, confidence boosting, giving her ideas, updating her, etc. I recently stopped that as I don't have time to focus on anything other than the work I'm doing, as I've just gone back to uni part time in addition to working.

Wilma struggles to get her work done and is highly stressed. She's told me that she's been bullied at work in the past and is understandably sensitive to any criticism. I have 15+ more years experience in this type of work; I'm quite social and people seem to like/remember me, where as she's quiet -and often people don't remember her name or presence at meeting. I spend far more time socialising/ networking outside of work hours; I've started a relevant part-time degree; and finally, I recently had a part-time secondment, which gave me a boost in confidence, skills, contacts and knowledge. The trouble began with my life changes: my secondment ended, I've returned to work with Wilma, and I've started at uni. The results:

-Wilma is constantly asking me to update her on what I'm doing

• insists on meetings to pick my brains then pretends the resulting work is hers

-I went to sort out an event for my project only to find that she'd contacted the caterers and told them wrong info (because she wouldn't have the right info...given it's not her event!) -attends all meetings I set up with others about my projects (unrelated to hers) -doesn't want to hand over any unfinished work, or release any ideas she's had, even though she has no time or plans to move on any of them, going back years -And then there is the criticism. Constant, little, negative things that get me down, from my choice of crisps to have at an event (!) to snide remarks about my course -accuses me of having secret meetings with my boss whenever I meet with my manager

Wise Mumsnetters, what do you recommend?

do You have supervision?

Thx for your reply @Grannyannex yes, but he just lets us get on with it. There has been bullying colleagues etc in the past and...nothing. When you go to him with a problem, he asks 'user what do you suggest?" makes you feel heard, helps you think it through, but lets staff get away with ridiculous behaviour.

I recently stopped that as I don't have time to focus on anything other than the work I'm doing, as I've just gone back to uni part time in addition to working.

The difficulty is that you initially gave her support and encouragement, but now, seemingly randomly, have withdrawn your collaboration and cut her adrift, which may have made her feel you're giving her the cold shoulder. She is feeling vulnerable and exposed because you're a more independent worker able to work autonomously, sounding a bit "I'm alright Jack" now you've decided to put the foot on the gas, leaving her in a pile of dust.

I can't solutionise your situation but that's how it comes across. One possibility ... Can you sit down with her and your line manager and agree boundaries around who is doing which projects so it's out in the open without directly pointing fingers at her.

Thank you so much @daisychain, you've really helped me with a new perspective! I was feeling so resentful after 5 years of, essentially, training her every day, and couldn't see how it looks to suddenly stop. I also really like the idea of working with line manager to make it clear before we start another set of projects....