Last 3 weeks at my job - I can't do it. Please help

[pinkunicorns18]

I am leaving my job in 3 weeks to start a new one. I've always been happy working where I do and always got on with everyone, even the managers.

Last week I cracked a joke with one of the managers, she laughed, I laughed and I didn't think anything of it. The next day, I got a bollocking from my manager for the joke, was told how unprofessional and inappropriate it was etc. Now they have form for treating us like children, but I was pretty shocked. The manager who I had shared the joke with had not said anything, let alone acted offended.

Anyway, then another member of staff has been telling me that these managers have been slagging me off, saying I was aggressive with my joke (?!) and inappropriate etc etc. I thought my telling off was over, but according to this woman it sounds far from over.

I haven't slept for 48 hours or eaten. I feel sick with stress and anxiety and am not sure I can face going back to work for my final 3 weeks. I feel like I can't go in and show my face as I feel mortified and frightened that this joke could potentially ruin my career!

I feel like I want to take these final few weeks off sick and start my new job afresh, learning from the experience to never make an even vaguely inappropriate joke with anyone in an office again.

I have checked my contract and am entitled to full pay etc, but I am worried my work will go back on their (excellent) reference they gave me for my new job, and that then the new job will stop me starting with them.

Please help me, I feel in such a state. I'm so angry with myself, so confused and almost feel like I'm being bullied because I am leaving.

The lady who said that I've been slagged off can definitely be a bit of a stirrer but there has to be some truth to it!!

You're leaving anyway, they won't do anything. Grit your teeth and get through it.
What was the joke?

It really depends what the joke is, but I think you are taking it a little to heart seeing as you are leaving anyway, unless there is a backstory maybe?

You're going to have to tell us the joke

Go to work. It’s only 3 weeks. Don’t show any interest in or mention the joke issue and it’ll hopefully die down.

It sounds beyond ridiculous but I am known to be a hyperchondric (lots of banter about it at work) and I've had a terrible cough and the manager (who I have constant banter with), said 'sounds absolutely terrible' and I said 'yes I am probably about to die of some awful lung disease' and she laughed and said 'sounds like you've only got days left'.

Apparently her dad died of lung cancer which is why I was bollocked for it. But this manager jokes and diagnoses me with things on a weekly basis. It was such a non issue that has been blown wildly out of proportion, but I'm so frightened I am going to be hauled over the coals for it.

Please be gentle with me as I genuinely feel ill with worry

Blimey that's not bad.

That's no where near as bad as I expected.

She's being completely oversensitive

I think she's taken this to heart but you weren't to know her father died of lung cancer. Did you apologise to her? It might help clear the air.

No, because she has never said that she was offended. It was my manager who bollocked me for it and apparently I've been slagged off left right and centre for being unprofessional and not having professional boundaries (????!!!!).

Sounds like she had a rethink about the joke in her own time and decided to take it personally.
Just daily banter really. Not your fault .

The company has a very fair reputation for micromanaging people - the managers think they are the thought police and honestly tell people off like they're children for things.

Thank you by the way.

They can't go to the new company and suddenly give me a bad reference can they?

FWIW I was widowed very very young (no one at work knows this!) so to call me insentive etc when I went to hell and back really stings

Christ both my parents died of cancer and I wouldn't think twice about that joke! How ridiculous.

Go to work and act normal op, you've done nothing wrong.

Genuinely don't think you have anything to worry about and wouldn't be surprised if nothing else comes of it. Careful who you listen to! Can't see them changing reference. Joke surely doesn't fall under any HR policy. Just shrug it off and keep your chin up for last 3 weeks.

You could just go sick, and get signed off for the rest of your notice period. It sounds like a very stressful place to work anyway if you haven't slept or eaten for 48 hours. As far as references are concerned, a lot of companies only give a basic reference ie dates when you were employed. If they do give a proper reference it has to be honest and accurate, and give a true portrayal of your work. (A bad reference could be defamatory if it wasn't true).

Go to work and try not to worry about it. As pp said they won’t change your ref on the basis of engaging in some daytime banter someone later took offence too. And yes , defamatory if not a reflection on your true character. Probs too much hassle for them to do that anyway. Chin up OP. Sleep well tonight

Thank you so much and kittykat so sorry about your parents. Cancer is so cruel.

Singlenotsingle - work already gave my new work a reference several weeks ago, which I guess should make me feel better as surely they can't then go and give a bad one after a good one!

Thank you so much eggncress. Luckily we have a solid HR department which would hopefully buffer bad references etc.

It's really made me realise that in my new job I will very much keep myself to myself and not really engage in anything!

I'm sure they wouldn't. They'd look a bit silly wouldn't they!

As they have already given your reference, can you ask new employer to confirm their offer if they have received all pre-employment clearances?

I do think you should go in, apologise if offence was caused and hold your head up high. Whilst they can pee on this particular parade you probably will need a reference from them for the job after this so I'd not do anything to that could be recorded as unreliable.

Have you sought professional help for your health anxiety and anxiety in general? It sounds serious.

Can't pee on this particular parade.

Thanks ohtheroses. No I haven't t but I probably should. The death of my amazing 25 year old husband started the healh anxiety off and it's exhausting me, it really is.

It seems that your manager has taken offence rather than the person you told the joke to - but I think you are over-reacting a bit to think that you can't go in for the rest of your notice.

Your manager has said the joke was inappropriate - fair enough. Nothing else has been said by your manager.

You've only got three weeks left, honestly they will fly by - just focus on that lovely new job!

Go in and don't take it to heart.

You didn't say anything offensive or malicious.

I think ringing in sick would be stressful in itself, you'd have to get signed off for that long and it's not a good start to the new job.

Rise above them.