I took a ten year break from work to raise the kids. I used to love my work. An extremely clever friend offered me a three month well paid job. I had reservations because I knew I'd be rusty - but I had no idea how rusty. I used to be able to do stuff if I put my mind to it - it turns out I'm a different person.
I can't think fast. I have to divide my time up between home and work(I'm a single parent). My profession is one where you have to really keep alert tot he world around you, and I haven't paid it one fig of attention for the last ten years.
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When my boss gives me targeted jobs like - research that and summarise this (like an intern) I'm fine. I can happily understand, research, digest. But the work is now more amorphous. She needs me to think in a way I'm not used to and also to present the work like her. Not in an arsey way - she is an intellectually generous person and wants me to do well. But it seems I can't do it! It's reached some horrible point now where she needs me to do something tomorrow and I have tried all day - hours and hours and I literally can't. I can't seem to think (In my defence it involves putting what I've done in a format I've never done before). I've failed miserably. It is so humiliating. I feel I can never work again.
I was going to resign and just ask her to keep the money to use on someone else. I'm already working extra days without charge (not telling her, she wouldn't ask it, but I'm so slow I have to to do it to see pup). She was so happy when I started and I've let her down to the point that I've started to skulk around her and try and work out how to never see her again in my life once I finish the contract.
it's really depressing. .more depressing is I quite like working and could never now ask for a reference. I'd like a job. if this job had worked it would have been perfect for me in many way. if I'd had six months to learn it - by the end of the year I'd probably be alright.