Job dilemma - near or far?

[Radiator23]

I have unexpectedly been offered a job at the top firm in what I do. It would mean moving jobs just before B*xt (3 month notice period), same money (once travels costs factored in), long train commute but excellent career prospects. People with this company on their CV can pretty much get a job after in any company in the same field. Unrivalled training. Brilliant supportive culture.

BUT.

I currently work a 15 min drive from home, free parking. Smaller company and I mostly love my work and colleagues but politics of the wider company leave me cold and our team is very separate from the rest of the company with little chance of that changing anytime soon. I have driven some new projects which are just starting to bear fruit. If I left, I feel at the moment I would be counting down the days until I could come back. I cannot imagine not working here. I could be here for life, but would have the same frustrations at the management which new company has confirmed it doesn't have.

AND.

Husband and i are TTC. I am just 38, so if I move job, would probably be 39 or 40 before I could take mat leave without pissing everyone off. I am assured my bits are working properly, but would consider IVF (if qualified for it) if needed. Most of H's friends settled down young and have kids, and we both only starting earning enough to not be counting every penny in the last couple of years.

So. Stuck on what to do. I enjoy my career, and this new company would be awesome for long term prospects. I might not get pregnant anyway even if I stay. Or I might get pregnant even if I go and somehow make it work (despite commute, possibly no enhanced mat pay).

Has anyone been in this position before?

Stay.

It sounds like a great opportunity, but the combination of same money for longer commute plus TTC makes it harder, despite the better opportunity. It seems to me like it's a heart/head decision, which only you can make.

What do you call a long commute?

You haven’t really given a good reason to jump ship. Stay and hope the management restructures at some point soon.

I was going to suggest going for it until reading you are 38 and ttc and that cha goes everything. Being in a new job where you have to impress with long commute and a little one equals sleeping disaster and the road to stress and exhaustion.

Stay where you are and reconsider after your maternity leave. In all likelihood you'll want to reduce your hours not increase them, but if you are still excited at the prospect of such a job, it is likely that the opportunity will come again.

Stay. Don’t under estimate the awfulness of a long commute. It crippled me.

My commute is an 45m/1hr each way and after 4 years of it I'd bite my arm off for a 15m journey. It's a nightmare with a school age child and means I can't work school hours.

Stay.

What are the chances for a pay rise/bonus/promotions where you are compared to new job?
Which has the better maternity deal?

If you took the new job and got pregnant very soon, would your DH share parental leave so you could return to work after six months? I would crack on with ttc. When you are younger it is a good idea to get a few years under your belt before mat leave, but at 38 you would be wise not to wait if you want a child, or have hopes of more than one.

My commutes have always been more than an hour, so that wouldn't bother me. But I think 38 and TTC make it a no brainer. Stay.

As someone who’s done IVF please don’t hang your hat on IVF being a guaranteed way to have a child, and looking at the current funding situation it’s unlikely to be funded for you after 40. I’m not sure what you mean by being assured your bits are working but assuming you mean you had a private fertility check I wouldn’t assume that means you’ll be fine conceiving. Those tests have been shown to be particularly unreliable.

Personally I’d go for the new job but not let it stop me TTC. I’ve wasted far too many opportunities over the last almost four years because ‘I’ll be pregnant/have a baby soon’. If you do end up with a new job and a new baby that’s a bit of a first world problem, it’s short lived and there are plenty of short term solutions while your baby is small (husband takes parental leave, nanny, flexible working patterns, etc). You’ll figure it out if you need to.

Without question, stay.

'same money' puts me off somewhat. Why not more? I've had experience recently of men haggling much harder than women for better money, we accept small increases too readily.

Commute - how long?

If the commute is not too bad and you negotiate the pay up, I would go for it. Long term prospects worth it, even post mat leave if that becomes part of the equation.