How do you deal with criticism at work?

[LoveBeingAMum555]

OK so I did something at work today and got it wrong. No big deal, I put together a proposal for something, e-mailed it to someone senior and they essentially picked it apart and were quite critical.

I am still thinking about it which is stupid at this time on a Friday night. I think part of the problem was that reading it back I could see their point, I had rushed to finish it and would have been better going over it again on Monday morning. The other thing that is needling me is that I have a lot of respect for this senior manager and I want him to think I am good at my job (I was recently promoted).

Are you good at putting things like this behind you?

I am useless at putting things like that behind me!!! But I try to think of work as an opportunity to learn and improve. I want to be genuinely good at my job not just get praise for it. In the past I was good at a superficial level and my last employer was full of compliments. But I was insecure deep down as I knew there were things I was missing or not doing well really. They just didn't notice. My current job has been a more painful process. I have an amazing boss who has coached me but that has meant facing up to my faults. They are big but my strengths are also big. And through facing the faults in a supportive environment, I've improved and feel confident at a much deeper level. I don't have imposter syndrome any more.

You are newly promoted so not going to get it all right at first. Give yourself permission to grow.

But as I said, yes it feels shit at the time and is hard to forget about!!!

X

Clearing the air with the person would make me feel better. Just a quick. Hat where I started by saying "so you didn't like my proposal.. With a bit of a smile. If they are nice you can often get to the point where you say the proposal or whatever was really important to me - I thought I'd done a good job so I was dispointed with the feedback but I can see your points and next time I won't rush it. Or whatever. And if the person is nice they will say - oh don't be too down it was a good first stab or some other platitude and all is well. Or else they say something horrible and you know it is them not you.

Thanks both, Janefx40, that's a really helpful post, I know I will learn from this ... when I get over it.

And itsboiledeggsagain, I think I would have felt better if he had come to see me in person, rather than replying to my email as I left work stewing about it. Clearing the air would be good.

I don’t love the sound of his management style, it’s better to give a lot of negative feedback in person or at least try to highlight some positives too. But either way I guess you just have to try not to be stressed by it. I say to myself ‘I choose NOT to get stressed’ and repeat it in my head like a mantra! You didn’t do anything wrong, he has a different view and you can do it more his way next time. Don’t stress about it 😊

By the sound of it, the feedback you received by email cut deeper because of being in writing, and may not have been balanced with any positives.

Its all about trust and intent. If the person is someone you trust and knows the feedback was given to help you develop and grow, then you can reconcile it in your head as "they have a point, I know exactly what I've done wrong and how to fix it". That's healthy, positive and part of a supportive learning organisation. If they have a personality problem and the feedback is to belittle and minimise contribution, then see it in that context, but still take the learnings.

Learning is painful, it involves one's ego. I've had a bashing through my career, but it's the darkest times that enabled me to be truly self-reflective about myself as a person, how I perform at work (and life in general). Organisations can be brutal places, people are in general rubbish at giving feedback, they shoot from the hip rather than being measured, considering how to get the message across in a consumable way. Pull from the feedback what you've learned and throw the rest away.

Taking positive steps to improve will make you feel better. Think What could I do differently next time? Be self-reflective, and most of all, give yourself permission to be human. If called upon to do so, be dignified in acknowledging what you will change and thank the person for taking time to critique your work, invite them to look at the improved version of your document.

I always caveat everything I send out as being an "early peer review of content" - always SPAG check so it doesn't look sloppy.

Thanks, the manager is known for not having the best people skills but is allowed to get away with it because his technical skills and knowledge of the job are excellent. He has also been in the organisation for a very long time.

Comments on here have made me think about whether it's more important to get praise from your peers or know that your work is damned good. In reality you need a balance of both to get on in most workplaces, but knowing in your own mind that you are good at what you do gives you the confidence to shoulder a bit of negative feedback. Being new to this role I have got a way to go with that.

I like the idea of pulling out what will develop me as a person and an employee from feedback and binning the rest, I am going to remember that.

Yes. I think other posters have said some interesting things. It's very true about emails/written critique coming across as harsher sometimes. Also that people don't have good feedback skills.

It is so important to give positive feedback alongside negative - not just so that the person can receive the criticism and avoid being defensive. It's also important to recognise what is going right as well as what is going wrong so that we can maximise our team's resources and play to strengths. I find it easier to criticise (in my head) because it's my natural way so a good exercise to force myself to see the positives as well. Sounds like your boss needs to learn that.

Good luck with the promotion. I'm sure you'll do a great job x