New job and kids ill

[Duey12]

Hi all, so I’ve been a SAHM for 18 years...yes 18Years I have 3 beautiful boys 18, 14 & 10 and I have also lost 3 boys in this time. So it has been busy. I’ve now gone back to work, literally, this is my first week back. 3 days in and my youngest is now sick with a vomiting bug, nice.
Anyway when I had my interview I explained about being the sole carer for my boys ( my hubby works stupid hours and can not/will not take time out to look after sick kids. I made a rod for my own back years ago I know ) so when I phoned today and explained the situation I was shocked that my bosses attitude was not as understanding as I would have wanted. Nobody else in the office has children so the concept of having to take time out to look after them and stick to the schools 48 hour policy is lost on them.
He has made me feel guilty for taking time out to look after my youngest who can’t help being ill.
Having not been in an office environment for years I don’t know whether this is a normal reaction from a boss or whether he’s being unreasonable and May sack me???

I agree with the above poster, your end needs to share some of the load otherwise he is effectively preventing you from working to suit himself.

However the reality is that he wont, so in this circumstance, first week in a new job, i would have asked the 18yr old to take the day off and if that was 'impossible' (nothing is impossible btw it's all down to priorities) then i would have asked the 15 yr old to take the day off school.

Yes your employer chose to hire you but time off in the first week is the worst possible start. You need a back up plan for future sickness.

Your DH needs to share some of load that should say

I think part of the problem is in the first week in a new job you won’t have built up a reputation for reliability and trustworthiness.
Your employer is still getting to know you and will be concerned that this is a demonstration of your commitment to the job.

It isn't great timing but your youngest is 10. Very soon that can be left alone if not too I'll for half days etc.

You won't get much sympathy on MN I am afraid as it seems to be full of people who are the employers side. I think it is very difficult and is why I tried to keep up even part time work when I had my DS as employers who already know you and that you will work hard etc will usually be more sympathetic.
I.am really sorry it is so difficult but it is just bad luck really. Try to ride out the disapproval and hope they don't fire you. Then put in place something for in future of one of them is ill again.

It is very very stressful situation I sympathize

Also your husband absolutely should have put in place plans to be available for emergency child care for the first couple of montha or so of your new job. He could schedule it and would have more leeway than you as he is in an established role. His attitude is pretty unacceptable really. You having a job is good for.you as well as the family.and he is not willing to help with that which is pretty poor really

Your manager is only human. He is bound to have felt dismayed when you asked for time off in your first week, because you haven't yet built up a track record of good attendance. He will be worried this might become a regular occurrence and will be foreseeing all the future hassle this would cause him - having to arrange cover/overtime, having to account for his absence figures to his superior, possibly having to take you through time-consuming absence-management procedures.

Once you've been there a few months, assuming your attendance after this remains OK, he will be less alarmed by requests for time off because he'll know that they're isolated and infrequent.

If you expect your employer to always provide the flexibility when you have a husband you were always going to run into problems.

With an absence happening in your first week your manager if probably thinking here we go.

He is now in a position where if he was out for even a day unscheduled it would noticed by all in his company

Sorry OP, but that's absolute bollocks.

From your employers point of view, this must look very bad in the first week. I’m sure they will be understanding eventually, but in week 1 you don’t expect it. It happens, and I’m sure they’ll get over it if you don’t make a habit of it in the first 3 months, but it would have been nice for your husband to take the days just this once. I can’t imagine parenting with someone who wouldn’t take equal responsibility for his children’s care. If his employers are awkward about it, he needs to stand up for himself. A guy at my work left to pick up a sick kid from nursery, and management had to be put in their place when they said ‘can’t your wife go’. It’s never been said since. Fathers have the same rights to carers leave.

I feel sad at the lack of sympathy on here. You've clearly been a devoted mum, and you've finally had the chance to have something for yourself (ie the new job) and this has happened in the first week.

I think that when you go back, you should be really honest and say how disappointed you feel that this has happened in your first week. If you are going to be as committed in your new job as you were as a mother, they will be lucky to have you.

Hold your head high, and you will earn their trust as the next few weeks go on. Keep smiling and well done for putting your children first.