Career Suidcide - any tips to get through a difficult time

[chocolatekimmy]

I have just done the ultimate no no and put in a formal grievance against my boss. He is a senior manager on site and I am his deputy.

Basically he has lied to me recently about a situation I was in and this is just the latest in a long line of issues. I have only been back from maternity leave for three weeks and things are worse than ever before. At least before I knew I was going off soon and that kept me going.

I think he feels threatened as I am more experienced and qualified than him and we both know we don't like each other.

I do want to go anyway and I am sure he will be more than pleased if I do.

Its just that I now have to go through all the S**t of dealing with it whilst suffering stress for something serious unrelated to work. I have just started a course of counselling.

I am fairly knowledgeable about employment law and I know I potentially could look at constructive dismissal but I seriously don't want to do that as I know its hard and I have enough other things on my plate.

Basically the guy is a twat, likely to be protected by others at the top, and will probably walk away from this with no consequences.

Any tips to help me get through this, absolutely dreading it Monday when I go in for the first time after putting the letter in?

Any employment lawyer advice on how to 'play the game' on this one would be gratefully received.

Thanks

Hang in there, these things always seem to take much longer than they need to. Squiffy is spot on about health and self esteem. Make sure that you are eating properly and book in some relaxation - I used a self hypnosis CD when things were at their worst and it did help. Alternatively maybe you could schedule in some massages or whatever you find relaxing each day.

Have you seen your GP, occupational health, any other sources of support?

chocolate - I had a meeting today with my boss and Hr about my grievance against him. He was retreating big time. Hang on in there and keep reminding yourself why you are doing it. You are right and they are in the wrong and you are right to raise it formally [big hugs]

Foxcub, glad its going ok for you too.

Idream, I did see a GP a few months ago but haven't been back since - probably should as I feel a lot worse. I am having counselling now which seems fine. Do need to find some relaxation time.

Feels weird to be on here with this issue, its usually me giving the advice/info on employment issues. Goes to show I am human too I suppose!

kimmy - you helped me
(I had a different name)

what goes around comes around!

aaah thanks - always nice to know.

Had a meeting today and have decided to take it all the way - got some cracking things that I see as a resolution. Feel that I have nothing to lose as I want to leave anyway.

Feel a bit stronger about it all today. I think he is going to have a big shock! I have taken on board a lot of the tips on here - the large file with lots of paperwork in (not labeled up yet) was questioned so thats a good start - got them concerned already!

dh did this a few years back after i encouraged and supported him to
his bosses boss flew over from the US to sort it out

since then he has had promotion after promotion. he was definitely applauded by both his peers and other senior staff who were glad someone finally had the balls to bring things to a head and probably saw that he had the calmness, professionalism, clear head etc that is required whilst his boss went uber-emotional and flipped out.

so go for it! but do stay calm, composed, professional, stick to the facts and keep your cards close to your chest the whole time.

well done chocolate echo sentiments about keeping calm and focussed and on guard.

My grievance has resulted in a pay rise for me

Good luck xxx

you sound lots more positive

stick with it and you may be suprised that the outcome is better than you expected

wishing you luck!

how's it going?

Thanks for asking.

Not in work yesterday or today but I have let the general manager know that I want to go down the formal route, based on nothing changing or improving previously when I have tried to resolve issues (prior to maternity leave). Haven't heard back yet but I am hoping that they will arrange the initial formal meeting for early next week.

Going to get a load of stuff typed up ready and have one statement from a colleague to back me up as well as lots of other evidence. They will struggle to do nothing with the info I have. Hope to be able to report back on here next week. Also hope to have the upper hand by then.

Chocolate skinny, sorry have read thread and not 100% clear on what the grievance is for?

Not sure if the fraud is boss accusing you or just informing you?

Informed me but made it sound like if its mis-use of my card then it could be deemed as fraud. I felt that he was implying it may be seen that it is me committing fraud. He was very vague anyway and made out he had only just found out 2 days before, no one else knew and they had only given him one tiny bit of info. Turns out he knew (along with others) 6 weeks ago and pretty much the full details - including that it could be identity theft against me!

Can't understand why he lied about it all in the first place, wouldn't have had a problem if he had told me all that in the first place. On top of that he is a shite manager, cannot lead/inspire/develop a team, does not communicate or share information and isnt' technically or behaviourally competent in the role. Lots of issues re all this prior to maternity leave and since then majority of the team have left because of him and things are much worse. Not even legally compliant in many aspects of HR.

The grievance encompasses all of the above - the lying was the final straw, it would have come to a head anyway but probably not as soon.

Ah, I see an incompetent underhand boss. What do you want to happen? A pay off or him to improve?

Well I always wanted him to improve. I had open discussions with him before, involved 2 other managers informally (who both then left) and then he was left to get on with it whilst I was on leave.

Having seen how much worse things are now - and the way in which he lied to me I have had enough and just want to get out of there now. Can't honestly see how he will improve.

I agree, there is somethig wierd in the female psyche which makes us think we can fix things.

Sometimes the most healthy (for you) thing to do is find the best way to leave or move internally. The man is not capable of acting and leading in the way you need him too.

It may not be career suicide and it may be the right thing to bring a grievance but it is hard to keep positive and move forward when a process keeps you fixed on what is not working.

If he is thought of positively and does deliver then it is likely that you will go through the process and he will stay and you will need to work out how to work with him, whether it's upheld or not. Not easy after a grievance (but not impossible).

I would say that if you have a good case for harrassment or sex discrimination then you may be able to get to a compromise (depends on the companies view on it).But you need to play a straight bat and use your experiences of his line management well.

Even intimating that you think it is motivated by you being female and you recent maternity can do wonders for how seriously it is taken.

Thanks Rutht

Been looking at bullyonline.org and theres some very interesting stuff on there that does apply to my situation. I like your suggestion about the discrimination aspect. Came back after maternity in Jan 05 then was pregnant and off again in May 05 so maybe he sees me as a waste of space and thats why he doesn't bother with managing/supporting or developing me - now theres a thought!

I was furious today and nearly in tears as I left, told I can't be seen for the first stage formal meeting until the 12th July. Its not one of my working days, is way out of time for the set 14 days for each stage, and they don't seem to give a s**t about the stress they are aware of and the effect it is having on me. Not happy

If they aren't even complying with their own formal procedure process then IMO it is time to give them a very gentle reminder of their obligations - i.e. a polite note from a solicitor expressing concern that they are breaching their own grievance rules, and can they please confirm to you that you will be seen within the required 2 weeks for each subsequent stage?
You don't need to wait until they dismiss your claim to show them you mean business. It is entirely your perogative to speak to a solicitor if there is a clear breach of contract (as in the grievance procedure itself, never mind what you are complaining about). They are not treating you with respect so it is time to start showing them some teeth. It will put them in a complete spin and put you back in control.

With the larger solicitors the first visit to them is free and them drafting a letter such as this will cost about £150 (much cheaper if you use a smaller firm or work outside of London). Good luck.

I think I would concentrate on getting your stort straight. If you go to a solicitor they will help you do this but at such an early stage they will charge you for it by the hour.

I think the best thing you can do to help decide if you have a discrimination case is to sit down and log (to the best if your ability) the sequence of events. This is key meetings, key conversations. Try to be as factual as you can. Remove the emotions and suppositions e.g. he said that x but I think he meant y. Actually he said x forget for now what you think was behind it.

Once you have written out the chronology, going as far back as you need to, reflect on it. Does it build a picture. Be honest with yourself if it was a member of staff what woiuld you as a HR professional say to the staff member.

I would only alert them with 'I mean business' when I have a couple of things under my belt:

1. Clear breaches of procedure
2. A good case of discrimination/harrassment

I would let them start to hang themselves on the procedure front.

Ultimately you may bring another more clear grievance which will include in it the way they have run this process. In this you can make it clear by being completely professional that it simply looks unreasonable to take so long and then request you to attend meetings which are scheduled for days you do not work, some may say this reinforces views that they are making life difficult for you.

See?

Sorry I meant story not stort - fingers too fat!