New job with chronic illness

[afrikat]

I have a dilemma. Well it's probably not a dilemma, the answer is probably very obvious but I'm struggling with it.

I have a fairly senior role in a niche field. Jobs more senior to mine don't come up often. I saw an amazing opportunity being advertised a few weeks ago and decided to put in an application, mostly because I thought I didn't have a chance of getting an interview and otherwise it would have played on my mind. However I have been offered an interview. That would normally be amazing, but the tricky bit is I have a chronic illness (ME/CFS) which I have spent the last 18 months learning how to manage. I thought I would lose my current job at one point as I just couldn't perform properly but I've managed to turn that around and am doing well again, but it's a constant battle not to 'crash'. I have no idea what the long term outlook is for my health. Maybe I will recover. Maybe I will get worse. I don't know. Where I am now I am fairly protected in that they couldn't just get rid of me - it would be a long process and would potentially be entitled to ill health severance. I could also potentially move to a less senior, part time role if that's all I could manage.

Moving jobs / company right now obviously wouldn't make sense and it would be a massive risk, for both me and them. And the added issue - it's the other end of the country! So I would be moving husband, kids etc 6 hours away and if my health gave up we would be screwed. (Husband can work from remotely for a while in current role so wouldn't need to find a new job for a bit and would be open to the idea I think, but is obviously concerned about my health)

The interview is also other end of country. If it was just down the road I'd probably go along just for the experience and to see how I get on (realistically I'm not expecting to be offered the role) but a 12 hour round trip and all the energy that would take is obviously another kettle of fish.

So why am I finding it so hard just to turn it down, say thanks but no thanks? I was sooo ambitious before I got ill and I'm finding it so hard to give that up! Can someone talk sense into me please?

Urgh sorry about the lack of paragraphs. They were in originally!

I totally get where you're coming from OP. I haven't been diagnosed with ME but I suffer from chronic fatigue which in my case I'm pretty sure is explained by not getting enough deep sleep at night no matter what I do. Each day is a drag and I am only at about 50% of my normal mental capacity, well that's on Monday, I'm more 20% by Friday.

Like you I used to be really ambitious and there is still that part of me that wants to believe that I could do it but I know I can't. I took a secondment promotion last year and loved the job and was so please I was good at it... but I couldn't cope with the demand and in the end, I didn't just step down after 6 months but changed jobs. I now have a much less stressful job but I'm still struggling every day. It's very frustrating.

My view is that you would be totally mad to go for it as you have so much to lose. You are better focusing on your health and try to get better. I'm about to start cbt as ultimately I know I need to change the way I process information and learn to relax again before I can hope for better sleep.

I was sooo ambitious before I got ill and I'm finding it so hard to give that up!

Oh, this really got to me. You poor thing.

Have you found sure-fire ways to manage your energy and prevent a crash? I would be so tempted to go to the interview. Could you fly there? Would that be easier? Or could you make out you're wildly busy with work and ask for a Skype interview instead? You can't be the only high-flyer who couldn't get away for a whole day for an interview, surely...

Are you concerned about moving jobs because you'd only be in a probation period for a while, so any health flare ups in that time might cause your new employer to let you go?

As you can tell, I gave absolutely no advice at all 😆 but your post really affected me. I'm really sorry you're suffering.

Good luck with everything. I say just do it.

Swingofthings I'm so sorry you're experiencing something similar. It is unbelievably frustrating when you know you're capable of so much more but your body just won't allow it

Whatsgoingon thanks for your message. I do think I need to physically go to the interview and reckon I could probably manage it, it's the potential after effects that worry me i.e. if it triggers a crash and I have to take more time off this job. And realistically the new job will involve travel and lots of high energy engagement with people so I need to be able to deal with all that. I'm just so so angry at my stupid body for making this so hard!

I can understand how frustrated you must feel, I'm in a similar situation myself except not ME/CFS but for health reasons I need the security of my current employment.

The way I've chosen to deal with it is to weigh up who could lose what - I've got to support and provide security for my family, and this job has that covered even though it doesn't always stretch me as I'd like.

Then I find myself other things to do at work that keep my mind occupied when I'm a bit bored with it all.

It sounds to me like it wouldn't be a good move at all.

I’m 7 years in to a chronic illness diagnosis that includes fatigue and fibromyalgia. I have struggled continually with work, being managed out of 3 jobs and leaving 1 before my MH was damaged by it.

I was, and still am, very ambitious. Never had problems with wok prior to this.

I would advise you to stay put. 18 months still isn’t very long to know how this affects you, what your triggers are and how you can protect yourself. Moving away from your support network and to a role where you will have less security is incredibly stressful. Do you know how your symptoms respond to stress?

I find pain increases with stress, but even worse, when I feel vulnerable or open to criticism my stress rises. And then so does the pain. Any external pressure from my employer then magnifies the pain further.

Please think carefully about this.

I too really think you need to stay put. You need to consider the risk. Do you know the sickness policy with that new job. Would you be entitled to anything over than SSP?

You also need to consider that you can be dismissed within 2 years without any reasons. It's more difficult if you suffer from a disabity but they can still do it, and even if they want to but decide not to take the risk, they will make your life difficult and hope you quit.

All this would make your condition much worse. It is really sad, but I think you are better off trying to get better before taking this big jump. It might feel like the opportunity of a lifetime but there will be others.

I don't think your ambition is helping you, now.
I'm sure you don't need to stay a highly ambitious person in order to stay you or to be happy. You can happily develop into a different person who can be happy without constantly climbing.

OP didn't describe being unhappy in current job or needing more money; those things would change the picture.

Very probably another similar job will be offered in next 5-10 years. When other things may have changed. There will be other opportunities.

Thanks all.

After careful consideration I am definitely not going to consider taking the job, if offered, but I may still go to the interview so I have the experience of being interviewed at that level for the future, when my condition is hopefully more managable.

In the mean time I will stay put and try to shape this role into something more enjoyable (for various reasons it kind of sucks at the moment)

Good idea. You never know what the interview might bring either way. It could make you realise that it is not the perfect job you thought it was and that would help feeling no regrets.

Yes good point Swing. That would be a great outcome!

Having looked at the pay range again it wouldn't actually end up being much of a pay rise overall as I get car allowance and bonus in this job which I wouldn't there so that's helping too