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No idea wha to do, what happens now.

5 replies

NaToth · 07/10/2018 19:33

Public sector, same Admin job eight years, colleague in the same job eleven years but on and off performance management. Colleague also has a long term health condition which makes her very anxious. For example,she will e mail something to me at my request, then phone me several times to make sure I have received it and, if I don't pick up, for example if I am in a meeting, she will phone other colleagues. As you would imagine, this can be wearing, but because I understand that she is ill, I put up with it.

Last week, I asked her if a task had been completed. She said another colleague had done it. I asked him and he said she had done it. We went backwards and forwards like this for half an hour. In the end she attempted to show me where the document I wanted was located on our shared drive while knowing perfectly well that it wasn't there. She eventually admitted this.

Unfortunately, one of my triggers is gaslighting, so this upset me a lot. Think crying that day in the office ' at home that night and in the office the next day. My line manager was on holiday so I requested a meeting with her manager and explained that this relationship has now broken down. She ensured that we were kept apart on the next working day, but this won't work long term, or even short term.

I don't know where we go from here. I am unwilling to resign because of something someone else has done.

I am being referred to Occupational Health re a recent physical diagnosis I have received. Might they help with this, or is it a matter for our HR, who are not the greatest, or perhaps my union?

Thanks

OP posts:
flowery · 07/10/2018 20:18

”one of my triggers is gaslighting”

Triggers for what? I assume some kind of medical condition? An incident such as you describe shouldn’t result in you feeling you have to resign unless a colleague is permanently removed, so I would say yes, occupational health is probably the best bet. If your condition means some more drastic action is required than would normally be necessary, an OH recommendation will add far more weight than a request from you.

NaToth · 07/10/2018 21:32

Thanks, that sort of confirms I'm on the right track. I know this is a difficult one,

I have some longstanding issues arising out of a deeply abusive childhood and adolescence. Gaslighting is very bad for my mental health and I don't expect to meet it in a work environment.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 07/10/2018 23:15

Could you also get together with your colleague and try to support each other. It sounds like there is common ground between you, as you both have a tendency to be anxious. She wasn't able to admit the document wasn't where she said it was, and that's triggered some frustration from you.

If you can be honest with each other, it could help you both? It isn't clear why she wouldn't admit to the misplaced file, so maybe discussing it (just the 2of you, don't get HR involved) might unlock that situation.

buckingfrolicks · 07/10/2018 23:18

Mediation. Proper mediation done by a professional workplace mediator would really be viable in this situation.

Lougle · 07/10/2018 23:49

It sounds like you both have some mental health considerations which make your working relationship difficult. Is it possible that you are hyper-alert to being deceived/gaslighted and this might intimidate your colleague if she isn't well prepared with some resource/material that you were expecting, and she simply doesn't know how to tell you that she doesn't have what you were expecting?

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