A few years back into work following a career break and still facing tough chanllenges.

[noons]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting and I am really just looking for some support to get me through a difficult patch at work.

After having my first child, I had more than 5 years off work and returned back to same line of work on a part time basis at same organisation as before my career break a few years ago. I am grateful that I was able to do this (even though the career break resulted in a significant pay cut) as I know that so many others struggle to get the opportunities.

Getting up to speed with the work itself was no problem but adjusting to how the industry and the culture of the team has changed has taken me some time. I am really struggling to fully get my confidence back as it appears to be linked in with my perception of the opinion of those that work with me and in particular those whom I delegate work to or that have less or similar level of experience compared to me.

Over the course of the last couple of years, I have often had to deal with snide remarks aimed at contributions to projects I am working on eg if I ask when will some work be ready for me to review, the response is along the lines of ‘what do you need to look at it for, I will just pass it to X for review’ which is very frustrating as X has specifically asked me to review it in detail with the aim of keeping their review high level. Another example is where I have expressed my own ideas or views on possible actions and they are either discounted without any constructive reason or mansplained.

I accept that I am not perfect but I know that more experienced people I work with value my contribution which is indicated by their positive feedback.

Having spoken to my colleagues who work part time, this sort of treatment appears to only be aimed at me and the only difference is that I had a career break whereas the others have come back straight from maternity leave.

I have many people in RL (who have no personal experience of this) who have suggested I ignore this behaviour but so far I have never managed to not let it bother me - I’m in tears atleast twice a month over these incidences and I fear it is affecting my confidence in all areas of life.

Are there others out there who can relate to what I am going through and how are you dealing with this?

I don’t want to stop working as I enjoy the mental stimulation, I work with some wonderful people and I am genuinely hopeful that things will improve.

Sorry can't help but bumping for you

I’m not sure if the challenges are due to your career break but rather that some of your colleagues are idiots. You sound as if you lack confidence in your ability and if more senior colleagues are happy with what you are doing then you need to focus on that.

My career break was massive compared to yours and the hardest part for me is that I feel I have no peer group. I work for a really large organisation and I don’t think I ‘ve ever met anyone who has taken more than just maternity leave.

Do you have access to anything at work that could help with the confidence side of things? Mentoring programs, self development courses anything like that?

NiceCardigan, you are right that I am lacking in confidence and in reality the main challenge is to stop myself from questioning my ability when others project their own insecurities onto me.

We do have informal mentoring schemes at work which I have taken advantage of. There are some self development courses/programmes but I have shied away from them because of the high pressure process, competition and time commitment. Perhaps, I need to give it a go.

Yes, I miss having a peer group too and the support that comes with it.

It’s uplifting to hear that you’ve managed a successful come back after a longer career break. Why is it still really rare to come across people who’ve managed to do this?

I’ve often wondered why organisations don’t do more to ease with the transition. Is it unreasonable to expect it?

I’ve been back at work for 5 years now - I worked part time at a charity for 2 years and then moved to my current employer in a full time role 3 years ago. I feel as if I have just got to the position where I have suddenly looked up and thought why is no one like me.

I am quite confident at work simply but sometimes I do feel like I don’t know the rules. Last week I saw a report that showed I was doing at least double the work of my colleagues in a particular aspect of my role. It wasn’t something i’d ever get credit for and it just made me feel naive. I do enjoy my job and am glad I was able to rebuild a career but it isn’t always a smooth way forward.

NiceCardigan - what I’ve found is that my work ethos remained the same as when I was trained and was distinctly different to those trained more recently so my aims/expectations/level of input was vastly different too. I’m still adapting to these differences to ensure my effort/focus is aligned with the rest of the team.

User - In hindsight my response would have been exactly as you’ve suggested but I think I was just shocked. I will be mentally prepared next time.

I will be catching up with my boss about this and have in the past raised my concerns around similar incidences. I fear though that asking for support in this way will in the long term reflect negatively on my ability to do the job. I realise that I need to work on being assertive and accept that I am not going to be ‘friends’ with everyone I work with.

I will consider your advice about getting a coach - the expense is a barrier though........

How long have you been back at work? It sounds like it’s been a while. You’re quite focussed on these problems being related to you having taken a career break, but in all honesty it sounds to me as if you’re holding on to that as a reason when it’s a bit of a red herring.

I’m a qualified coach and coach in the workplace regularly (my employer provides it for free!) It’s common for people to be either holding on to something or trying to use something as an explanation for why they’re not succeeding or experiencing problems etc. The key is almost always a lack of confidence in their own abilities.

It might be that you are feeling a bit unconfident because of your career break, so you’re pinning it on that, but it’s the blip in confidence which is the area you need to work on. Then, I’ll bet, your perception and reactions to how people are treating you will change enough to make all the difference. Some people can smell lack of confidence and exploit it.

I’d recommend a coach too. I find what people benefit the most from in the coaching process is just having someone on their side, and someone to be a bit accountable to (I always set up ways to check on what they’re doing, like if they say they need to be tidier at work we make a plan, then I ask when I should follow up with them to see how they’re doing) — that could be what you need.

Obviously I haven't been to your work place and don't know for sure - but the things you mention don't seem linked to your leave. I think you need to learn to be more assertive. In some contexts (depending on how they are said) your colleagues' comments could be reasonable and a genuine question - could it be you are taking them the wrong way?

I worked for many years before my career break and I never had any issues with my confidence which probably explains why I’ve linked my current situation with the career break. I guess it is frustrating and surprising for me that I have been back a few years now but still feel unsettled.

BlueJava - I possibly am sensitive but am certain that the examples I have mentioned and that have caused me upset have not been reasonable or professional behaviour in the environment in which I work in.

Just setting out what I am feeling and thinking in writing and then having all your views on it has been insightful.

I’m taking away a lot from this process, mainly that I need to work on being assertive and building my confidence. As I am struggling to achieve this on my own I think my best option is to seek out someone at work who can act as a coach and work on these areas with me.

I agree with the posters who have said this isn't related to your career break but sounds more like the people you work with who are the problem.

I had nine years off as a SAHM and returned to work (part time) four years ago (to a different organisation / role). I really enjoy it and definitely feel valued.