City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

[RosieIrene]

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

I haven't read this thread, and it's probably to late to even contemplate getting through it all. So, I'mnot sure if this is still helpful, but RosieIrene something that helps me is that I have to put my foot down and say this is work time and this is family time. Saturday and Sunday is for seeing my kids. Mon-Thurday I'll work as late and as hard as my employer demands. But, come Friday night it can all wait until Monday morning. If I don't do this I will miss knowing my kids and that is unthinkable.

Likewise, if DH wants to delegate some house hold tasks like "Can you go to the bank, or Tesco, or do this laundry, the answer is generally "not before Friday".

It's a bit like the fly lady approach, I have x amount of time and when the time ends, I must move on to my other job.

Believe what you want, yentil. If your life suits you, fine. I would hate my children to be inarticulate and not understand the world around them or be able to hold decent conversation. Which is a real risk when they never hear proper conversation and don't have anyone to answer their questions properly.

Don't let Anna rile you up. Most of know full well that Anna's rediculous argument are self serving and nothing more.

My children are also very happy and developing just fine. Anna disputes this is possible. But she is wrong.

Eleusis - nowhere have I disputed that your children are not developing perfectly well. You really shouldn't put words of criticism in other people's mouths, it undermines your intelligence and credibility.

I make a choice for my family based on my circumstances and defend it. That is not a criticism of others. Please be as polite.

anna, like these uncritical words?

"I've never been a Mozhe fan, always thought her attitude to others was all about her own ego and attention-seeking"

and no taint of judgment here?

"The best role model you and your husband can possibly give your children is a balanced family life. Two full-time working parentss in high pressure careers is very rarely compatible with that. "

Oh Anna, you are always harping on about the (unproven) ill effects of children in day care rather than with their mothers. The stuff you preach is simply not true.

I have some radical opinions too (not in line with your thinking, however), but at least when someone mentions them I admit what I've said.

Bundle - what have posts taken out of context got to do with anything? Anyone can do that...

I am constantly amazed at how incredibly sensitive working mothers are at any minute suggestion that their children might in any way not be getting the very best possible childhood (which others' choice to be a SAHM seems to imply to them). We non-working mothers know we are no longer filling our bank accounts and are compromising our future earnings and we don't get all worked up about that. Why are you all so sensitive? If you are so uncomfortable with your choice that you take others' defence of their decision to be a SAHM as a criticism of you, shouldn't you be re-examining your true feelings?

There you go, hurling insults and accusations at whole of the WOHM community in order to keep your own self image up in the flufy clouds of Paris.

And it's funny, I actually think that you are for more sensitive about being a SAHM then Bundle, Xenia, Mozhe or any other WOHM I can think of off the top of myhead.

You go on and on about how horrible WOHM is and how we are damaging our children and them you a quick 180 and accuse us of being sensitive. And then you have the gall to suggest that our perceived sensitivity (your perception, not mine) is evidence that we are in fact unhappy with our choice to be WOHMs.

Planet Anna is void of logic.

Anna - Am I reading this correctly? SAHMs don't get upset when people remind them they're not 'filling their bank accounts', so why should WOHMs be upset when it is suggested that they are denying their children the best childhood?

God wouldn't it be awful to be as perfect a Mother as Anna8888?
Perfect children too,obviously.

My dd is clearly damage by being raised by myself and a qualified nanny (what qualifications do parents have ?)

Wish I had the same wealth of knowledge before I sacrificed my child[sob]

Utter,bloody claptrap

you have been rude & dismissive to other posters, despite your protestations and I think you deserve to have this pointed out to you.

you are as eleusis has pointed out, incredibly chippy about the whole thing.

I have many friends who work both in/outside the home and I do not judge them or feel insecure about my own choices

Eleusis - there you go again, exactly what I said - you perceive criticism where there is none at all. I have no problem with working mothers per se, but I do think that quality of childcare is a major concern and we don't all have access to decent childcare (wherever that may be coming from), for myriad reasons.

I seriously think you need to look at yourself carefully and ask yourself why you find any discussion of childcare so sensitive. I don't get worried about discussion of my career prospects.

meanmy - don't rewrite what I wrote in stronger terms and ask me to confirm that that is what I meant. It's not.

Was it in stronger terms? Or just without the flannel?

You are still doing it. Ans still projecting your own behaviour as mine.

"I seriously think you need to look at yourself carefully and ask yourself why you find any discussion of childcare so sensitive. I don't get worried about discussion of my career prospects. "

You did it again. And no rewriting required.

meanmy - you are being silly. Like lots of people on this thread. Any mention of any possible way in which children of WOHMs might lose out in any way and you try to turn it into an outright condemnation of WOHMs by SAHMs. Why the grief? Or are all WOHMs the most incredibly competitive perfectionists? Is that what's driving you?

Um. I am a SAHM.

And lol at "you are being silly"!

Anna, you are happy with the path you have choosen, they are happy with the ones they have choosen, can't you leave it at that ?

I very much doubt the OP will bother to read the read which is ashame as tin between the whole WOHM v SAHM drivel there has actually been some good advice

I haven't said anything about SAHMs on the whole. I have been talking about you specifically, Anna. I know lots of lovely SAHMs.

But Eleusis - I didn't criticise YOU. I discussed childcare and work. But you criticise ME. "Anna's ridiculous argument" "Don't let Anna rile you up".

Where did I say "Eleusis's silly unfounded whatever bla bla bla"?

You have put together the two issues - not earning/diminished career prospects and cognitive/linguistic developmental issues for children in childcare. You have asked why suggesting the latter should upset someone when you are not upset by the former. If you really cannot see how that is offensive then that is actually rather concerning.

Oh Ann, your cognitive abilities really are not up to snuff. Did you spend your early childhood in a nursery?

My point was that it is you who is pinning WOHM against SAHM. You are generalising the groups. I am talking to and about you specifically. I did criticise you. That much is true. See when I say something and it is quoted back, I admit it. You might consider doing the same.

But why do people find it offensive to discuss non-personalised issues?

There is a reality for us all that we make choices and can't be there and do everything we might like to wish to do.

I chose my child's development (among other things) over my bank account. That's my choice and I defend it. It is NOT a criticism of others' choices. I don't go around saying "Don't listen to Eleusis, her children are disturbed" because I don't know anything about Eleusis' children. But Eleusis reacts as if that is what I'd said. Why?

Aaargh!

That is the best one yet .