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Original poster

City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

821 replies

RosieIrene · 11/06/2007 23:30

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

OP posts:
Aloha · 12/06/2007 19:26

Actually, I'd say, book a two week holiday - all of you. Use some of that money you must be earning (otherwise really what would be the point) and go somewhere where everything is done for you and you can breathe. Take an au pair of book some childcare when you are there. Get a break, talk to your husband, and think of new ways to live.

Anna8888 · 12/06/2007 19:53

I asked my partner this evening whether he'd like it if I called him at work during the day. After asking me where the question was coming from (I didn't say) he looked at me quizzically and said that, no, definitely not, emergencies only, he just doesn't have the time to be disturbed at work if he wants to be sure of getting home between 7.30 and 8. He's totally full on at work in order to spend time with us in the evening.

He makes calls to friends and family from the car on his way to and from work.

hatrick · 12/06/2007 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bakedpotato · 12/06/2007 20:05

I enjoy the implications that bcs some DPs are contactable at their desks, they are somehow lower ranking. Frightfully Fifties!

NKF · 12/06/2007 20:07

Re: taking a holiday, I sometimes think that spreading holidays throughout the year is more restful. Just having a long weekend on a regular basis can be very good.

Anna8888 · 12/06/2007 20:10

bakedpotato - totally imaginary implications. The reason my partner isn't contactable is because he is very busy trying to get through the day in order to spend as much time as possible with his family. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mercy · 12/06/2007 20:14

BP - I know what you mean!

What if you/dp had a job in a shop or factory or a hospital or a school or as a bus driver?!

soapbox · 12/06/2007 20:14

And the implication Anna is that everyone else is not busy or is not desperate to get home to their families!

soapbox · 12/06/2007 20:14

And the implication Anna is that everyone else is not busy or is not desperate to get home to their families!

Enid · 12/06/2007 20:15

I very rarely ring dh at work tbh, I'd rather he got on with it

he works flat out and is home by 5.50pm though

Anna8888 · 12/06/2007 20:16

I just don't know why, if you were working and had some control over your diary, you would spend time talking to friends and family in working hours... And, given the types of jobs done by people on this thread, I assume they do have that control. So I'm amazed they spend time here, chatting to partners, children etc...

Am I wrong in assuming you have that control? Is there something I'm missing?

hatrick · 12/06/2007 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Callmemadam · 12/06/2007 20:23

Well I do know city law dirm culture as am dw of heavy legal eagle and no, law firms are not family friendly and you know that, my love. so does your DP. Is he a partner or struggling to get there? I dropped out when I coudn't take the sacrifices either. Life was tighter for a few years but then my support for the home and dh helped him really go for it and we have a great lifestyle now. Just know Xenia will come along and tell you I have sold out and I'm living off my man but I don't care, the kids are happy, I'm busy doing other things and dh would love to give it up too and downshift. Says it all, really. Its not possible to be 100% happy with the decision you and your dp are maybe going to consider, but life is full of compromises, so maybe you need to consider whether or not you want to compromise family life, or FT legal career. Compromise doesn't mean you won't find other ways of earning money, or of being stimulated, or of having a side to your life that is not covered in Ready-Brek!

Mercy · 12/06/2007 20:25

Not everyone on this thread is a well paid high-flier (well I'm not anyway). I can't offer advice in terms of working as a city lawyer obviously, but a mum is a mum is a mum.

Pre-kids I couldn't contact dh except in a dire emergency as he was only really contactable via his mobile. We were barred from phoning mobile nos, sending emails or using the internet unless work related.
If you work in the public sector you are not allowed to use tax payers money on your personal life.

soapbox · 12/06/2007 20:53

Anna - I suppose it depends on what kind of work you do.

I don't tend to find that taking calls delays me from leaving for home. 10 mins or so out of my working day isn't going to make a vast difference to my output.

Sometimes there is a fair bit of waiting around for things to happen. Meetings to start, teams to finish of things for review, fellow partners to hear back from clients etc etc.

I am not really paid for a set amount of output or a set amount of hours, but for solutions to problems, that as often as not come when I am in the shower or drinking a G&T! How I spend my days in the office at my desk, isn't really what counts, I suppose.

soapbox · 12/06/2007 20:56

Mercy - there was a City law firm who recently tried to bar access to Facebook during the day. There was a complete back lash from top to bottom of the firm, saying that if they were going to bar access then people would work their contracted hours and no more!

Needless to say, the bar on access was withdrawn rather speedily

chocolatedot · 12/06/2007 21:04

I'm curious as to how far people take this "zero distraction in order to rush home to partner and family" thing. Does that mean no chats with colleagues, no drinks with colleagues, no coffee, no lunches??

barbamama · 12/06/2007 21:13

I work in Canary Wharf and judging by the vast number of people that can be seen in Starbucks, lolling on the grass, outside having fags, looking round the shops at any time of day, this is not a universal viewpoint.

Bink · 12/06/2007 21:22

Indeed, soapbox: if you really are worth your salt, you are paid for your output - and not how many uninterrupted hours your bum has been on your chair (and your phone on divert).

Anchovy · 12/06/2007 21:35
soapbox · 12/06/2007 21:36

LOL Anchovy

MrsWobble · 12/06/2007 21:38

also don't forget the mind numbing tedium of transatlantic conference calls where with a phone on mute you can get on with other things (such as this)

Bink · 12/06/2007 21:39

but you know motivating people is a rare & special skill

urgh I can hear Margaret Thatcher doing her special "do not disagreeee with meeee" spectral hypnotic speech voice behind me (dh is watching Andrew Marr)

Bink · 12/06/2007 21:40

I'm just off to the "war poetry for an 11yo" thread - see you there

soapbox · 12/06/2007 21:40

I managed to find and book a holiday whilst on a conference call the other day Mrs Wobble - alas it wasn't a transatlantic one