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Ongoing awkwardness in the work place what to do

12 replies

Cumbrianlass66 · 27/09/2018 23:11

My Line manager fairly new to her role is not based at the same location as me. I speak to her on the phone, she is lovely and trusts me and the rest of our team (who are scattered about) to get on and manage/organise our workload day independently without micromanaging us which is great.
However, where I am based the buildings receptionist/gateway type person where my office is we’ll call her person A is in another department/team to me. But we still work fairly nearby and inhabit shall we say accommodation floor space I have my own office on the fairly small floor due to the nature of my work but their are few offices. Anyway person A is around my age, is two grades lower than me (and always has been), works full time and resents the fact I have my own office and the fact that I work part time as she is always clock watching and being sarcastic when I start work on a Wednesday or if I take leave. A colleague she likes in her team person B the same grade as me but in a different role doesn’t have her own office. They are both part of another team/department and person A is well known to be moody, awkward, up and down and has a difficult relationship with many in her wider team.
I used to get on ok with her when she was having good days which was at least more than half the time and I excused her occasional moods, snappy ness and occasional dirty looks. As she was sometimes kind hearted, was good with our mutual customers and I knew she had problems with her grown up daughter and financial issues as her husband lost his job at one point etc etc. I only work part time and whilst I have to pass her desk to get to my office and communicate with her occasionally due to customers in common. I don’t have to spend much time with her or work directly with her.
Anyway over a period of a few months almost a year her attitude towards me has got steadily worse. I have tried to be the same with her been nice, polite, respectful
to her shown an interest in her family and asked about some of her interests etc but she seems to have taken unbridge with me and it’s getting worse. Neither her supervisor or Line manager are on site either.
She’s surly and short when I go in and more awkward than she needs to be which doesn’t make for a pleasant atmosphere to work in,
Yesterday she sent me a short email about something she could easily have discussed face to face any time that I passed her desk after lunch or on my way to the loo or knocked on my door etc. She also took it upon herself to copy in her supervisor who is the same grade as me and also my Line Manager. It was something and nothing to do with the office I use as her latest tactic instead of moaning about person B not having an office seems to be to try and drop me in it instead. Offices are in short supply and person B has recently been moved to another work area further away from person A. Person B doesn’t seem to be bothered about not having an office or the move or if she is she certainly doesn’t vocalize her concern, unhappiness or moan about the unfairness of this unlike person A.
Where I am based is very convenient for me as it is extremely close to my home so I don’t want to rock the boat too much nor do I formally want to get her into trouble as I don’t want to be responsible for her maybe loosing her job or maybe affecting her state of mind. Her attitude to our customers seems to be ok and she seems to do her other work ok as far as I am aware but I think it’s her bad attitude towards me that is wrong and it can’t really go on or get any worse but I don’t know how best to resolve this? I have mentioned it to my Line manager informally on a couple of occasions so she is aware of the situation with her. My Line Manager was once also on the receiving end with person A on a phone call. So she is aware of what she is like but she is a also a fairly new manager. I would maybe like to sit down with person A talk this through try to resolve any issues she has or thinks she has and put this behind us and move on but I don’t think she is a very reasonable person so this might make things even worse. I think person A blames me for person B not having an office but she really needs to take this up with their managers if she feels so strongly about this and see what they have to say or leave it to person B to sort it out who is more than capable of doing this and speaking up for herself if she felt this necessary. Any advice would be appreciated or would it be easier to get my Line manager to have a word with her manager or her supervisor?

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 28/09/2018 02:25

Speak to your line manager. Write it all down in an email so you don't get emotional when you talk about it.

It's not on.

Not on at all that she's bullying you like this. And it IS bullying. She won't get sacked...she'll get a talking to and a reminder that she's not allowed to take her shite out on other people.

daisychain01 · 28/09/2018 04:40

Manage your manager. Ensure she is upsides of this person A and her timewasting office politics. Say you don't want it to escalate to becoming a distraction to you or anyone else, because you have a full workload and you need to be focussed without all this crap going on like a sound track in the background

Whatever issues Person A has, I would tend to reduce your contact to the bare minimum. Don't get sucked into trying to smooth the troubled water with her, if necessary nice non commital smile and breeze past her. Over time she will get the message you aren't interested and have far more important things to do. Separation is a good way of not adding fuel to her fire.

Btw none of this should have anything to do with grade, ow junior or senior the person is, or whether they have an office or not. Everyone should behave professionally no matter who they are.

DrinkCoffeeASAP · 28/09/2018 06:28

Op you have been calm and more than reasonable so far.
But you need to put things in pls e now as she seems to be trying to escalate the situation.
Speak to your line manager get it all documented. I know you are making allowances for this woman but you need to protect yourself.

swingofthings · 28/09/2018 08:19

Ignore it and let it fly over your head. You say you don't have much to do with her and others are aware of her issues so why bring it up?

Most likely managers have tried to deal with it before to no avail. The last thing they will want is someone else expecting them to try again bringing on more stress. This is what could annoy them more than whatever issues about she brings up.

Smile, remain calm, pretend you emphatise with her and stay as far away. Ignore her emails and snappy comments and take dee breaths!

Gardenpicnic · 29/09/2018 11:55

Do not ignore it, this will not get better. Keep a diary and then you will have a written record which you can discuss with your LM.

I am in exactly your position and this has been the advice of everyone (union, counsellor, colleagues).

Good luck.

Cumbrianlass66 · 02/10/2018 15:12

Thanks all. I am back on work tomorrow. Calm after a few days off. I was well prepared to speak to my Line manager and hers at the end of last week. Now i’m Not sure. Do you think an informal chat with my manager? Alternatively I could really stir the shit and subtlety drop her in it for leaving the key in the key safe unlocked in an open office.

OP posts:
MaryandMichael · 02/10/2018 15:19

You could talk to your line manager and explain why you're going to email to them a full account of what has happened so far, and that in future you will be keeping a diary of incidents. This is bullying. You've tried to overcome it by being pleasant but that hasn't worked, so now you are asking them to be aware, and if it carries on you'll be asking for help.

When you send in a written account, somehow include unlocked key safe. Nicely.

Bright and breezy, keeping your distance from her, as suggested by other posters who seem to know what they're talking about.

What I would say, from my own experience, is 'don't put up with it for too long'. I held on in a job where I was being mercilessly bullied, until my health broke. Don't let it come to that. Leave if you have to.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/10/2018 15:20

Seriously, I think you are overthinking this and over personalising your work relationships. Stop knowing or thinking all about her personal life - how invasive! And stop judging her motivations or criticising her for choosing to do something by email.

Be pleasant, professional and impersonal. Stop worrying about her or what she thinks - that’s nothing to do with you.

daisychain01 · 02/10/2018 19:51

Alternatively I could really stir the shit and subtlety drop her in it for leaving the key in the key safe unlocked in an open office.

Think about what you hope to achieve by this over the long term, and how you think it will come across. Don't you think it will tar you with her brush?

Cumbrianlass66 · 02/10/2018 21:18

Your right daisychain01 she bragged to a part time colleague of hers that she had reported me. I don’t want to stoop to her level.
Working -I was meaning I have made allowances for her bad attitude as I know she can be moody. 18 months or so ago before things went sour in previous conversations she had chit chatted about her family particularly about her daughters and her little grand daughter who was born close to one of my nephews. So I was hoping she might be civil and we could return to some normality. Their are very few staff members physically present at my place of work and it isn’t unreasonable to have the odd two minute conversation with a work colleague about something non work related or is it? Or it never used to be in my world.
But I think I will be bright breezy but professional and keep my distance with her.

OP posts:
Cumbrianlass66 · 03/10/2018 13:01

Would an email like this to my line manager something like this be ok? As the atmosphere is awful. I have said morning and got my key but I have to pass her desk when going to the loo (which I have kept to minimum), when greeting customers (as she has stopped letting me know customers were here or asking them to knock and wait) or going to the printer or photocopier etc.

Hi x, I could really do with an informal chat with you when you are free following on from the email x copied you into last week and ongoing issues with her attitude towards me (which has gone on since September 2017). I have tried my best not to let it affect me and to remain friendly, pleasant and professional but she obviously still has issues which she is taking out on me which is neither professional, fair and may affect the experience of our customers. I could really do with some advice or at least raising my concerns about this with you.
Thanks x

OP posts:
Cumbrianlass66 · 03/10/2018 17:19

Attitude continued so spoke to my boss this afternoon. She spoke to her supervisor and manager and unsurprisingly their are a number of issues with person A and her attitude to other colleagues in her team. Her supervised is going to speak to her. I have asked them to try to leave my name out of it but they are going to explain the position with regards to office space here no way is person B getting an office and tell her it is nothing to do with her and also explain to her about her responsibilities as a receptionist/gateway person etc.

OP posts:
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