Returning to f/t work and DH is caring for DS, anyone else in this situation?

[Ettenna]

DH will take over from me in September when I resume teaching. I work long hours in a boarding school and, although I'm not dreading it, I'm not relishing it either. My main query is about DH caring for DS (who'll be six months). Does anyone lese have this type of arrangement? Does it work? Is DH happy with it?

My DH has just started being a SAHD after losing his job a few weeks ago. I'm working 4 days a week at the minute (may increase it to five) and up until recently did most of the childcare, housework etc as DH was working very long hours (including weekends).

Altough my DSs are older than yours (4 and 2), our situation is similar - I presume you've been off on maternity leave and your DH has been working up until now?

So far it's working pretty well - I think the key to it is to let him find his own way of doing things rather than expecting him to do it your way (not implying this is what you will do by the way!).

Do you have any specific concerns?

Thanks for your responses. I guess I just want reassurance that neither one of them is going to suffer from the arrangement. I'm not sure that DH fully understands the nonstop nature of stay at home childcare!! I don't know any families in RL where it's the man that cares for the baby so I'm looking for other people' experiences.

I work f/t and dp is a SAHD, it works very well. They have their own little routine through the day and I let him get on with it.

However I do sort out all DDs meals, clothes and make suggestions on how he may want to do things e.g. we recently dropped her afternoon bottle - important never to demand he does something and he is happy with that.

He usually tells me what he plans to do that day in the morning in anycase and he says the day goes really quickly and it seems no time before I get home. I then tend to take over in the evening.

If he has any problems he always rings me. I am also pretty sure that when DD has a nap in the afternoon, he does too.

i've got a similar situation, my DH has just been made redundant, and although i was going to have a year off with DD (9 months), i've gone back to work 3 days a week and he is looking after her for those days. its been 6 weeks now, and i've had lots of "can't believe you do this on your own", and "god, i'm sorry i ever thought you were being a drama queen about how hard looking after a baby is!" which is great!
its working out really well, she's got her own little games and routine with him which is brilliant to see. he does the housework and cooking far better than i ever could, but he doesn't take her out as much as i do. it all balances out though as on weekends i tend to take over again. he likes it but doesn't want to do it full time, he's also looking for full time work so probably in a few months she'll be in full time nursery. but we don't have a choice as we are unbelievably broke so i can't allow myself to feel bad about it!
good luck. x

Dh looked after dd1 when i went back to work, she was 4 months old when i went back, now (after having dd2) dh and i both work part time taking it in turns to look after the dd's, it works well for us and dh is great with the girls

DP cared for DTDs for 4.5 days until they were nearly 2. It was fine. I think he lacked the adult social element that a woman would have been happy to get out and fill with toddler groups and 'mummsy' things of various natures. He is now looking after DD3 for 2.5 days - he didn't want to do 4.5 days this time - and she actually gets a lot out of being at nursery for 3 mornings.

Having said that I do know fathers that have made teh effort to do teh toddler group typ e actiities (and were welcomed by teh mothers) so just cos he is a man doesn't mean he can't (DP just chose no too).

My dh worked part time for about a year and then was a full time SAHD for a year or so when the children were (I think) 3 and 5. My dd (the younger one) in particular looks back with great fondness at her "daddy days". I have to admit I did find it a little difficult at times (but it also co-incided with a very difficult time in our relationship), and I think that dh got a little low at times - probably more around having no money and being turned down for jobs though. Having said that dh was never one for building up social networks (not keen on playgroups etc) so I think he probably got a little lonely. I know lots of dads who do an increasing proportion of childcare (lots of compressed working where I work, so many parents do 4 long days and 1 day at home with their children), so I think that there are lots of placees to network, and some dads of course have no problems in going to mostly female environments.

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