Unhappy working mum

[aisat]

I was on maternity leave for a year and it was the greatest year where everything was at my pace (babies pace) and it was full of love and fun. Going to baby classes, meeting up with friends and family on their days off or lunch breaks or just going on long walks or staying home with baby.

I settled in quite quickly but going back to the work environment suddenly felt cold and lonely after being off for a year full of love and home life. All of a sudden my younger colleagues seemed so much younger and there aren't really any mums in my dept. I went back full time as there's no flexibility with being a buyer. I was very undervalued anyway and was paid badly and received virtually no pay rise for 4.5 years I was there so I've moved.

I like my new place but it's just one of those jobs that's very stressful and there's a lot of pressure. I feel really anxious all the time and unworthy and just generally not good enough. My child (2 yo) loves nursery and is super happy and developing beautifully but I feel so unhappy. Since I have been back to work, this years felt awful. Like I don't belong, or I'm too weak for the pressure. I know something needs to change but I don't know what. I get really down and anxious and it's killing me.

Sorry for long post but would love to hear from mums who feel as lost as me, or who have found the light....

[Momo27]

It sounds to me as though you have a happy child and that it’s just a case of being in the wrong job. Would another change of work placement help? Or are you in the sort of field where it’s the type of job that attracts a younger fast paced workforce and therefore you just feel out of sync now?

It might be a good time to take stock and change direction in your work life. It’s not unusual nowadays to change career once or more in a working life time.

FWIW I think the only downside of year long maternity leave is that you develop a completely different rhythm to your life and it’s likely to take longer to adjust back to work. When I had my first, ML was only 3 months and although hard in other ways, it really was relatively easy to slip back into the working world.

I think it’s quite usual after a break to lack a bit of confidence and to question whether you can cope with it all. Just remember you were clearly good enough to get offered a new job quite recently, so there isn’t a problem with your ability- it’s simply adjusting and regaining your confidence