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Original poster

in the process of being promoted..but 3mths pregnant with no 2

13 replies

stardust · 17/08/2004 23:22

I have been back at wk for almost a yr and have my daughter in full time nursery care (£1000 pcm). We are thrilled to be expecting no.2 though the prospect of payign for 2 at nursery is a dampner, whilst a yr at work has convinced me that i need to work for me. My boss has just offered me a promotion that i really cant refuse, although i initially did, thinking that the disruption with my SMP not good for the company long term. He asked me to reconsider, and I am on the verge of accepting. My husband said I should as my employer cannot retract the offer...I just feel like i am deceiving him not to tell him I am pregnant first...though I am not sure how it could change things as he Has offered me the job but not in writing. Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:

Chandra · 18/08/2004 00:11

If you think that having a second baby is not going to distract you from doing the job he is offering I wouldn't say anything. However, if you feel that there would be some issues (for example you are planning to go back to work just part-time or want to take extra time after the maternity leave AND you will be directing a group of people) I would tell him about the pregnancy and let him decide what is best both for you and the business).

lydialemon · 18/08/2004 01:10

The baby is irrelevant - not to you of course, but in the context of your work. He is offering you a promotion because YOU are good at your job. In fact if he retracts the offer because of the pregnancy he is guilty of discrimination, and you could sue.

There are enough odds stacked against women, especially those with children, without us creating obstacles ourselves!

Do you want the promotion? If yes, then go for it. If you want to let him know about the pregnancy, fine - tell him when you accept your new position.

Oh, and congratulations on both

BadHair · 18/08/2004 01:12

Totally and utterly agree with Lydialemon. Nothing to add but my congratulations all round!

mit · 18/08/2004 01:38

This is not related to the promotion (congratulations by the way!)....and good luck deciding what to do.
Regarding your child care situation - wouldn't it be cheaper to hire a nanny when you have 2 kiddies?
Just a thought and sorry if it's not much help!
mit x

WideWebWitch · 18/08/2004 06:45

Stardust, what makes you think you're a less worthy employee just because you're pregnant? Go for it if you want the job! OK, you'll be off for a while, (and sociery needs women to have children) then you'll be back and will still be a useful and valued employee. The govt reimburse SMP (which is pathetic) anyway. Your company should (and probably do, sounds like they value you) be glad you're coming back since you're clearly a valued employee and continuing to employ you will be better value for money than getting someone new, given the associated recruitment and training costs. Anyway, they aren't allowed to discriminate against you because you're pregnant but sounds like you're doing a good enough job of that yourself! Congratulations on both from me too. If you want it, go for it. You don't have to tell them yet - get your offer in writing.

tigermoth · 18/08/2004 07:28

If you want the promotion, and you feel you could cope with the new job after having your baby, then go for it. Your boss obviously wants you.

As you are only 3 months pregnant it would still be plausible to say you did not realise you were pregnant when you accepted his offer, if you feel this would help. Whatever else your new job offers, you'll get more money presumably, which will help pay for childcare.

Later on, if you decided you wanted your old job back, could you get it? Does moving up bar you from moving back later? Would you feel happier negotiating a trial period in your new job, with the understanding that your old job will stay open for you for a while?

FairyMum · 18/08/2004 07:33

Agree with the other posters here. Go for it if YOU still want it. Your pregnancy is irrelevant.

hovely · 18/08/2004 09:25

Hmm, I'm not sure. Of course I think the other posters are right, that the job is for you and about you and your abilities. But this just seems like the kind of thing which could sour a good working relationship.
How big is the firm? If you discussed it with your boss and concluded that your desires about time off for No 2 woud make it very hard to be effective in the new post, would there be any other chances coming your way later on? If you took up the promotion then went off for while would you lose ground with a new team (irespective of the company as such)?
What about job sharing or flexible working? It seems to me there may be some value in negotiating it all as one package deal, but you might think differently.
Also FWIW I have found having 2 kids millions times harder than having 1 and I am still on mat leave with No 2 so would be extra anxious about returning if I had just taken on a new role before going off and had really not got into my stride in it.

aloha · 18/08/2004 09:57

Go for the job!! Why on earth not? You are clearly the best person for it, you intend to return after your mat leave and so all is good. Congratulations!

JiminyCricket · 18/08/2004 10:16

Totally agree that your pregnancy shouldn't stop you getting the promotion (and you could sue if it did), but agree with Hovely about working relationships and being up front if you can.IMO some organisations would be LESS likely to withdraw the offer because of fear of being sued. If you can't or don't want to tell them then maybe the white lie about not knowing you were pregnant when you accepted would make you feel a bit less uncomfortable about it.

aloha · 18/08/2004 10:44

can I also add that I'm very impressed that at 3months pg with no2 you clearly don't look pregnant. I'm 14 weeks, and have a big bump!

smellymelly · 18/08/2004 11:46

Take the promotion and get it in writing!!

Original poster

stardust · 19/08/2004 13:13

Dear all
I am continually overwhelmed by just how helpful this talk group actually is. Thank you for all the helpful comments, and a verbal kick up the xxxx from wicked water witch, lydialemon and badhair have incited action - I have expressed serious interest, await written details of the package on offer, and indeed will accept, take a deep breath, and come clean with the pregnancy. It is only a small company, (and I fully agree hovely, too small to rock the boat) but the pregnancy should not be too much of a problem - I would take the post in November and work for 3 months...be off for 5/6 (hopefully)
Keep you all posted and many thanks for all the comments. Oh, and Aloha, it is getting critical, I look like I've definitely eaten ALL the pies.(blush)

Oh, and then i'll have to reconsider child care (thanks Mit) and thats another message board at least.......

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