Potential new job role

[LifeBeginsNow]

Throwing this out there for anyone with experience or opinions...

I have a much longed for 2yo (and a husband) and am looking at a new role which would potentially see me traveling a lot further than currently. Early estimations are out 2-3 days/ week and wfh the rest (the days out would be long). Added to this will be some international travel.

I've never really travelled but like the idea of being taken to destinations and supported during these visits. The work sounds really interesting and varied but challenging.

The money looks to be about £5k/ yr more than my current salary (although I'd like to negotiate on this due to the high pressure of the role and the extra travelling) so not a massive increase but the bonus system is much more achievable (as in I might actually get one!).

Does anyone have any advice on juggling this kind of lifestyle with a toddler?

What does DH have to say about it? Is he a sahh?

He wants me to be happy and knows the role is up my street in terms of how interesting and varied it is. It plays to my strengths too.

He won't be staying at home. My LO is in nursery full time but we would struggle without help in collecting him. DH is going to be going onto a shift system soon so will only end up working for half the month.

It's difficult but doable. My thoughts would be...

• You and DH both agree about sharing household jobs and childcare responsibilities

• Planning is key, particularly if DH works shifts. In our house I am the 'default' for school pick up and drop off. DH does his share but I message him with the dates that I am away so we are both clear when he needs to do it. It won't work if you both think someone else is doing the school run

• Consider who your 'in an emergency' contacts might be. Even if you never need them it's good to know that friends/neighbours will go and get DC if one of you is delayed

• Nursery is the easy bit - longer hours and 51 weeks/year. Start thinking now about how you will manage school hours and holidays - you will need some good wraparound care

• It may be too soon to know but how flexible will the role be when you're not travelling? If DH is away I wfh, pick up DC, do homework/bath/bedtime etc. and then log back in and do another couple of hours of work in the evening. It gives me the flexibility to finish early some days or go to sports day/assemblies etc. without using annual leave.

It sounds like a good opportunity, but for only £5K more (that's about £310 in your hand each month) for all that additional stress? Hopefully the actual salary is meaningful... make sure you aren't undervaluing your own worth, skills and experience to the organisation.

Ironically some companies offer what seems like a varied and interesting role, but underpay if they think a candidate will be happy to work for less for the variety, travel, status etc

I think a proper plan of action will be vital. It seems cheeky asking family to help out more than they do but I'm hoping to get our money situation sorted and be able to offer some cash for their help. Those questions are fantastic, thank you!

As for the salary, I think that's going to be a big contributor to my decision. It's all very well being intrigued and stimulated by a job but the extra stress and inconvenience really needs to be offset by a hefty increase.

It's worth pointing out also that international travel for business is not all it's cracked up to be. You find that you do not a lot from airport to meeting to hotel to meeting to airport, you get barely any time to yourself as everyone wants to entertain you in the evenings, you are exhausted, you get to know every short cut through the airport, every business lounge, even the staff, but it's not glamorous.

I travelled a lot when my kids were tiny - 3 and 1. I missed the 1yo's first birthday because I had a crucial meeting in NY. My husband set up his own consultancy so he could take the kids to/from childcare, stay at home if they were sick etc.

I felt like I never saw them and minded terribly. I felt very guilty because although I really enjoyed the work, I barely saw the kids when we were all awake and on form. Wfh was impossible unless my husband was there to deal with them. I felt like I was endlessly juggling and it nearly killed me tbh. The very significant payrise I had very quickly seemed insufficient for the disruption that it caused to our lives. I lasted 5 years before I was properly burnt out.

Sorry to sound so down about it but although there were some amazing highlights, in the end, it's still a grind of a job but with added complications like different time zones.

Orlando, that's the kind of realism I need to hear. I want to work hard but don't want to miss my son growing up. Why could these opportunities not come around when I was young and without commitments?!?

It's a really tough decision for you and I have huge sympathy. I was very ambitious and good at my job so for me although we discussed it a lot up front, it would have killed me not to take it. But in the end, rocking up at the very occasional school pick up (once they were old enough to go to school) in my suit and not knowing a single mum or any of my children's friends, standing at the back of the playground with the dads also in their suits, just symbolised to me how out of touch I was with my children's lives and I really minded it.

Of course, the kids (now 21 + 19) weren't scarred for life, and we are still very close, but it took me a long time - several years in fact - to recover from the strain of trying to hold it all together.

It may be something that you just have to do otherwise you will always be wondering how it might have gone. But if you do, make sure you have a rock solid plan for your son plus several back-ups. Establish early on what you will and won't be doing on your weekends off (in the early days I found I would rock up back at the airport late on a Friday night to find my lovely husband hadn't done any washing or cleaning and I was expected to do it at the weekend!). Keep a suitcase with a duplicate set of all your essentials in so you only need to take out/put in clean clothes. Business lounges are crucial - buy a pass if needed. Sign up for frequent flyer cards - they can get you upgraded, off planes early etc and I've had flights held for me before now. Don't drink on flights - it really doesn't help and it means you can hit the ground running. I used to try not to work on flights so that I could get my sleep done then I would be ready to work wherever. And make sure you have a discussion with your husband before you start regarding what the triggers might be for you to resign. I kept telling my husband that I was finding the juggling very difficult and he couldn't really believe it. I think if I had managed his expectations a little better, I might have had more support when I eventually did quit (and he had to go back to full time work which I think was his issue!)

Good luck - whatever decision you make, commit to it and give it your absolute best shot and you'll be fine.

That's great advice and tips! I think we will go through these things and discuss further tonight.