No friends at work

[GemGem97]

Hi all, I work in a fairly chatty and open office. Up until now I had a really good friend there who I used to skype throughout the day and spend my lunches with, we fell out recently and now I don't have anyone to help get me through the day (I bloody hate my job) and no one to spend my lunches with.
I can't leave as I'm currently pregnant, due to go on mat leave 3rd week of October.
I find my job really difficult to enjoy and now I feel completely alone, I'm quite a private and selective person so up until now I've kept everyone else at an arms length and doubt they'll want to be friends with me after that.
May sound childish but I'm just really struggling to get myself into work because of this and don't know how to cope another 3 months - any tips?

I doubt the reason we fell out will be resolved by the way - it was a pretty nasty argument...

I think youve only got 2 options.

1. Spend lunch hours alone, listen to podcasts or music
2. Proactively try to make friends. Or at least lunch buddies.

Obvious question but do you 'need' to enjoy work, or can it be something you just get through, particularly as you only have a few more months to go? I know ideally we'd all be bouncing out of bed on a Monday morning raring to get into the office and loving every minute of the day, and sometimes the media/social media/modern culture makes us feel like that's what we should expect from work, but how realistic is that? I do know a few lucky (annoying!) souls who feel like that, but I'd say that vast majority feel somewhere between bored/ambivalent and vaguely positive about their work the majority of the time.

I'd stop worrying about friends and the other people at work, put your head down and focus on doing what you need to do. If it's boring/repetitive stuff put headphones in (if you're allowed!) and listen to music/audiobooks/podcasts. Lunch breaks get out for a walk if possible, if not bring a book or magazine and treat it as chill-out time. Be serenely above all office politics and dramas (after all you have a new baby to plan for and think about - how much more fun/exciting is that than whatever the news/scandal du jour in the office is?!).

I've made a few good friends through work but these days I find it's more trouble than it's worth trying to engineer work friendships. I get on well with my colleagues but mostly we're very different people and I would not think of them as friends, that side of my life is totally separate from work.

Hope it works out for you, and good luck with the baby!

Sorry, re-reading that it sounds like I was advising you to be really stand-offish with your colleagues- not what I mean! Obviously continue to observe normal office etiquette! Greet everyone in the morning and say good night when leaving, smile, engage in really boring kitchen/water-cooler small-talk where appropriate, participate in tea rounds etc! But just don't dedicate any more head space to it than is absolutely necessary!

Treat work as different to home life. Sorry but I'm afraid you are setting an expectation that may be unrealistic to other people, maybe they don't want to mix friendship with work. We all just have to get on with it, I'm afraid, and especially in a dull, mundane role, trying to make it more bearable by making friends with people isn't always possible.

My suggestion is to bring in your Kindle or iPad and enjoy a bit of light reading at lunchtime, or go out for a walk if the weather is nice, fresh air and a complete switch off from work often makes the day go smoother.

What did you fall out with your friend about? Is it salvageable?

To be honest, given your last friendship at work burned out in the way it did, I'd steer clear of forming a bond like that again in the office!

Do what a significant proportion of the population do. Have a small amount of chit chat with your other colleagues, chill out in free time by yourself or do something useful.

I'm not really friends with anyone in my office. I can have a brief chat and there's one lady I'd go for a drink with but I'm not particularly keen on anyone else. I am leaving now but I've stuck it out almost two years. As I have a five year old I treat my lunch break as 'me time' and read my book.

I always think it's good to be friendly at work but to keep friendships for outside of them.

Friendships at work can be really tricky, as you have unfortunately found out.

Just keep your head down, get on with your work, go for a walk at lunch time or is there a local library, shops you can browse around? Or just work through your lunch,maybe you could negotiate a later/earlier start/finish time?

I'm nearing the end of my working life (hopefully ) but have managed to avoid any close work friendships, plenty of acquaintances and have actually now become close friends with two people I originally met through work - years since we worked together but we now holiday/go out for days/evenings together - I wouldn't have done that when we worked together !

I worked somewhere for 14 years without making a single close friend. I had had to take the job for several reasons . Just accept life cannot be perfect and in the end we go to work to earn money