Stuck, lost confidence

[AwkwardPaws27]

I have well and truly fallen out of love with my job.
I've been there nearly three years; I'm still on a contract, renewed yearly, and still on the same pay band despite taking on lots of additional higher level work and undertaking a qualification (which I was encouraged to do when I asked what I needed to do to get to the next pay band).
I'm leaving soon, waiting for a start date, but I'm so miserable. I have to pay back £1k for the qualification, and my manager keeps making odd remarks as if I am unreasonable for leaving after the "great opportunities for progression" not materialising after almost three years.
I'm doubting myself so much that I feel like I am incapable of doing the new job.

I'm in a very similar situation, also doing a course which is unlikely to lead to anything.

Have you been applying for internal positions though? They wont fall into your lap. That said, I've been applying for positions that I keep getting turned down for because I don't have the experience required. Can't move up, can't move sideways.

The course and job role are niche, and we are the only department in our organisation, there have been no internal vacancies at/just above my level to apply for. Manager kept talking about restructuring at which point a vacancy would arise but it hasn't happened. I've applied for similar external roles but not been shortlisted as they have been in a different type of organisation. I'm now moving to something completely different, based on transferable skills.
I've taken on lots of work (2-3 grades higher than my current role), completed this vocational qualification as asked, contributed to projects... I don't know what else I could have done?
I just feel like there must be something wrong with me, I'm useless. I'm scared I'm going to fail at this job too.

Flopsy I hope you get a chance to move up soon

I was where you are now before I started my new job. My last workplace was dysfunctional and frankly, soul-destroying, so when I left my confidence was rock bottom. But you've done well to land this other job, and just remember, they've chosen you! They clearly value your skills. This is a chance to start afresh and you'll find that with time, your confidence will build up again. Good luck with it

Your manager sounds awful. It's good you are moving on. Positive things will come your way. They have clearly made you loose your confidence, that says alot about them rather than you. All the very best in your new role, I'm certain you will be great!

Thank you for your kind words; I thought it might be lost confidence but equally that little voice in the back of my head just kept saying that I'm crap.
I really really hope I can prove myself in this new role and actually start climbing the ladder.

8I've taken on lots of work (2-3 grades higher than my current role), completed this vocational qualification as asked, contributed to projects... I don't know what else I could have done

Did you ever get it agreed like this, exactly like this?
And formalised it in writing?

If you've done those things an your manager had agreed to your getting X in return for achieving Y within the performance year, you need to feed this back to them via the exit interview process, surely?

And you should have raised it sooner - given them an opportunity to remedy the issue (IF you got it all agreed and they didn't deliver).

If it wasn't agreed, or only agreed in very vague terms, it sounds like a dangling carrot that was never going to materialise (can you tell i've had plenty of those over the years!)

Nothing in writing unfortunately; I've read back over our meeting minutes and there is mention of career discussion, progression etc but nothing concrete.
I've discussed it repeatedly; at interview, at end of probation, at annual appraisals and every few 1-2-1 meetings, asking if there is anything I can do to support the rebanding / be able to evidence I'm working at a higher band (1-2-1s held monthly, I've brought it up roughly quarterly).

You sound like me. I've been working nearly 5 years as an Admin Assistant in HE. Am stuck at the top of my band - every application I put in for re-grading the job gets knocked back. I've taken on loads of additional stuff but the job is still considered to be a the lower grade. My Head of Service keeps holding out the promise of a departmental re-structure leading to a new job at the next grade but that still hasn't happened after 2 years. I apply for all jobs within my institution that come up at the next grade but I can only work part-time hours and there has only been one job I've interviewed for in the past two years which was part-time and I didn't get it. Like you, my service is quite dysfunctional and I'm really questioning my ability to do a higher-level job, despite having worked at a higher level before having children.

I'm starting my new job in a week and I feel like a complete fraud.
I hope something opens up for you at your current place or elsewhere soon. It's draining when you feel like you aren't good enough to be promoted, yet they are happy to keep giving you higher level work.

Just wasn't to jump in with some encouragement based on my experience... I also had a niche job in a company with a culture I really didn't get on with. Lasted 3 years and ended up with rock bottom confidence before getting a new job in a different company. Like you, I have no experience in the area / industry, but got the role on the strength of my transferrable skills. I have now been in my new job a few weeks and LOVE IT!

The culture is so supportive and the opposite from my previous role that my confidence is returning and they are aware of my background and training me accordingly. Hang in there, you might feel a huge improvement very soon!

Every new job comes with painpoints and a sense of doubt. You feel surrounded by experts, people who have already been through the pain barrier and are in their comfort zone. They have forged relationships and found their place in the team. They know a lot about process, the business, the industry sector etc etc.

Meanwhile, it's easy to create unhelpful comparisons with those people, that you're not like them and how you're nowwhere near as good as them.

My point is, you are moving into a new environment with low confidence from a poor experience. So don't compare apples with oranges, or you'll come away with bananas 🍌

Leave that baggage behind you, play the "new person" card, you have every right to. Get support, fall over a few times, you won't get things right straight away. Listen more than you speak (two ears, only one 👄), soak it all up.

You will be fine, all things will pass.