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Not sure whether to make official complaint or not?

11 replies

bellylaughs · 18/07/2018 19:48

A co-worker found out last week that my DH and I are significantly better off financially than her, this came out accidentally, I’ve worked with her for 3 years and was deliberately careful not to mention any obvious economic differences. Since she found out she has made a few comments about this to me and others.

Then today she ridiculed me in front of others as being posh (I’m absolutely not!) and laughed with another colleague about how I wasn’t like them etc. And how it affected our job - we work with some very vulnerable people (I was easily shocked apparently whereas she’s seen it all before etc)

The other colleague was obviously uncomfortable and said she didn’t think I was easily shocked etc. But the woman ploughed on with her opinions. This was all in front of two other colleagues. I felt humiliated and angry, mostly angry I think. I left the room and when I’d had a chance to calm down I went and spoke to my manager asking for the conversation to be kept confidential.

She encouraged me to make a formal complaint but all I can think is that I have to work quite closely with this woman and I know from experience she is an absolute bitch to people she takes against.

So, do I... speak to her myself, make the formal complaint or forget it all and move on? And how do people make complaints against people they work with and then carry on amicably? I’ve always thought I’d stand up to anyone who intimidated or bullied me but now I find myself doubting the wisdom of this?!

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 18/07/2018 19:53

Shes an idiot, a show off and a bully. I would ask for a meeting with her, yourself and your manager, make sure it is documented and say that if this ridiculous behaviour doesnt stop you will take this further with a formal written complaint. I would keep it informal at this stage, keep your dealings with her to a minimum and always be professional. Don't discuss anything personal with her about yourself or anyone else.

GinisLife · 18/07/2018 19:56

/\ this. Keep it informal but with a witness and make sure she knows to stop with the smart remarks.

HoleyCoMoley · 18/07/2018 19:58

Good advice about having a witness there, maybe a union rep if you have one. Make sure the manager tells her that thus is a confidential meeting and is not to be discussed outside the room.

donquixotedelamancha · 18/07/2018 20:08

all I can think is that I have to work quite closely with this woman and I know from experience she is an absolute bitch to people she takes against.

This is why I would make it a formal complaint. She has already taken against you. You would be sensible to lay firm boundaries while there is a clear issue to be resolved, before it becomes ignored as just a 'personality clash'.

Catinthecorner · 18/07/2018 20:09

She’s already taken against you and started with the bitchy behaviour. Make the complaint formal

VelociraptorRex · 18/07/2018 20:15

What @HoleyCoMoley said. And keep a note of any further comments or bad behaviour. Sounds like other colleagues are aware that she's being a bit of a bully so probably worth trying to make sure you're never on your own with her as well. My mum always told me it's terribly crass to discuss income, whether your own or someone else's, it's just nobody's business but yours. Do you have to work with her closely all the time?

bellylaughs · 18/07/2018 22:48

Thanks, the replies are exactly how I’m feeling 50:50 whether to make it formal or informal. Was out this evening with 2 good friends who had the same idea of having an informal conversation with the manager present. Either way Infornal or formal she will hate me (if she doesn’t already!). Thanks for all the replies. I will speak to manager again tomorrow and decide on the back of that and these replies. Rubbish situation whichever way it goes Angry

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 18/07/2018 22:57

She is just a nasty, jealous, petty little bully, she is a known bitch, don't worry
about what she thinks of you, she's not worth worrying about.FlowersWine

HoleyCoMoley · 19/07/2018 20:16

How are you OP, hope everything is ok at work for you.

bellylaughs · 21/07/2018 20:33

Thanks Holey, I spoke to the manager the next day and she agreed to keep my account of events in case of anything coming up in the future.

The person who the made the comments noticed that something was going on and I think she must have realised she Had overstepped the mark. She then blanked me for the rest of the day! We work term time so I won’t see her again until September. I’m not sure whether she’ll have forgotten by then or the passive aggressiveness will be worse!

Either way, I can still put a formal complaint in on September if need be.

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 21/07/2018 20:45

Wine enjoy the holidays

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