Mood changed after they found out I have a baby?

[GoodLifeHunting]

I had an interview for a role I'm absolutely desperate for.

It's part time, good salary and lovely role.

The initial interview, questions etc, went really well and they were very impressed.

The only question they had was, why leave a big London job for something local, less prestigious and less hours?

I answered truthfully, since the setting seemed quite warm and friendly, that it was due to family.

They pressed on further and asked "How many children is it you have?" I said 1, a little boy.

They said "Oh how old is he?" I said 8 months.

They then said "So are you still on maternity leave or back at work?" I said maternity leave, but I've been doing KIT days and keeping in touch. Their tone was less cheery at this point.

They then asked "I see, so have you got childcare sorted already?" To which I lied and said yes Technically I do, but he isn't with a childminder yet, although I have a space. Their tone wasn't as cheery.

The other interviewer said that the other member of the team (also interviewing me), came back from maternity and got the job. She nodded in agreement.

The interview was Thursday afternoon, I haven't heard back yet and they didn't mention when they would be telling me, but before I left, they said "Thanks so much, we'll be in touch very soon"

Isn't it bad practice to ask if someone has children, if they've got childcare, etc etc?

I always assumed it wasn't the done thing.

I've been to many interviews (all London based, admittedly), and they all seemed more professional.

I come at it from a slightly different angle - I ensure that I make it clear I want a part-time role because I have children and am not available full-time.

I don’t want to work somewhere their being unwell or my wanting to be late to watch an assembly is going to be a problem.

My current employer are understanding and flexible and they have the insight to know they get dedicated and reliable staff by treating them well and generously.

I wouldn’t want to work anywhere my family circumstances would be seen as a negative mark.

Yeh, it is illegal to ask.

They might still offer you, it's early.

Having worked somewhere that oh-so-casually asked me a similar set of questions at interview, I would hesitate to ever work somewhere that asked those questions again.

Either the company doesn't know or doesn't care that it's illegal to ask that at interview. Neither of those scenarios bode well for being their employee.

Not justifying the discriminatory questions btw - utterly repugnant.

Merry My overall impression before actually being asked those personal questions was that they are a very friendly and understanding bunch

It's NHS based, so nothing corporate

I feel a little sad that I didn't beat around the bush more I want that job so badly.

I live somewhere where local jobs aren't all that common, as they go like gold dust

My partner is job hunting and he’s been asked at every single interview if he’s got dependants, so I don’t think it’s just women. Think most worded it as outside work commitments, including a list of things, but kids are on there.

My work hired me whilst I was still on maternity leave and asked about childcare, luckily I’m all sorted for that and I was well qualified for the job so I was offered it. However we do have a lady there who is constantly off sick, either herself or because her child is unwell. We’ve just hired someone new, and although we don’t discriminate clearly, kids were a huge problem with people already asking to do different hours for childcare reasons.

But they didn’t ask the OP outright; the question was why the OP would want to switch from FT to PT - now as far as I’m concerned thats a stinky question cos let’s face it; if you’re a woman and between ages x and y you know fine well what they’re really asking.

We can debate the rights and wrongs of whether they should ask have asked about this, and what it says about them as an employer but honestly, I think most employers do think "additional flakiness risk" when they know someone has children, so in my opinion it's best to front it up and get it off the table ASAP. I do a lot of interviewing of candidates in my job and this impresses me. So I would much rather someone say, for example, look I've got an 8 month old baby but I want to absolutely assure you that this won't impact my commitment to the job, I've got XYZ set up as childcare, my partner does half the evenings, we've got backup in the way of nearby family etc etc. You might even throw in a cheeky "we're not planning to have any more" (who knows ). I actually think it would really weird if someone gave an evasive answer or didn't mention children at all, I'd honestly feel like they'd deliberately kept that back from me and it would leave me feeling a bit distrustful of them and their motives.

So I guess what I'm saying is I think you were probably right to answer the question honestly as you did OP. They might just have been a bit thrown by your answer if they weren't expecting it. But hopefully you managed to assure them hat you'll have childcare all lined up so it won't make a bit of difference to them.

GoodLife

I really hope this has all been misread and that they are good employers and appoint you.

My manager was a single parent for 17 years and has no time for people who try to suggest parents with responsibilities are not reliable.

After I’d been there 2 months my son got a terrible chest infection. She didn’t bat an eyelid when I was late, off at short-notice etc for a week - just asked for a list of things that needed attention.

More managers like her would be a real asset in all businesses.

OP I have never walked out of an interview but I honestly would have done, as they were so blatant in flouting employment law.

I hope they right their wrongs and that they were using robust, albeit wrong, techniques to sound out your commitment to the role rather than thinking they won't hire you because you have a baby. They just went about it in a clumsy way. Now that you know this isn't the right way for recruiters to run interviews, stay on your guard, and yes definitely have a stock answer in your back pocket that's slick, confident and allays concerns about commitment.

Also do remember that you have protection against discrimination from Day 1 so whichever role you get, you can remain aware of any tell tail signs of being unfairly treated.

I hope they give you the job as you sound like the right person, as you really want it!

I learned the hard way never to mention children in an interview, even in answer to the chit chat 'what do you get up to outside of work' question.

Next thing I know I'm being asked what I would prioritise, an important meeting or the nativity play.

I didn't get the job.

It’s difficult isn’t it, I have always been honest on my CV that I have children so it kind of negates the question as it’s already been answered prior to interview. At interviews though I have always had to clarify childcare and assure potential employers of my reliability and commitment. It is annoying and in my experience (info from DP) is that employers prefer it when men have children as it is seen to make men more responsible and reliable yet is seen to to have to opposit assumption where women are concerned. It seems to be that the general consensus that men put work first and children secondary and that women put children first and the job second in terms of priority.

In your interview OP I think I may have been tempted to reply with ‘I’m sure as am employer/interviewer your aware of the illegality so I’m sure you’ll appreciate my cander in telling you that I have and 8 month old. I have childcare in place, and contingency for when necessary. I assure you I would not have applied or interviewed for this role if I thought my commitment and ability to fulfill to responsibilities of this job were in question. Smile and shut up....wait for response/next question.

Interviewers are not supposed to ask about children but I am not sure if they could get around that by saying that the OP brought up family first of all.