Hi all,
It’s probably going to sound like a depressing and long post so apologies in advance!
I managed to lose 3st last year after ending a super bad relationship. I got my BMI back to healthy, was in a really good routine with the gym, and I felt I looked great for the first time in a couple of years.
Since Jan 2018- I have been on a secondment with work. I didn’t hate my old job but there was no progression for me after I had originally been promoted. I thought I’d try move sideways and develop some new skills / take a new career role as I knew with this new role I could progress and make more money. However I really am not enjoying it. I might sound ungrateful and I’m not trying to- but I get to work from home a lot, I can pick my own hours, not micromanaged, however this is because my manager doesn’t seem to know what work to assign me or even know to what to do with me. I have tried being proactive and asking my colleagues if there is work and workshops I can assist with and help co-ordinate but i feel as though I am coming across as though I am a burden as no one has time to shadow me or they have nothing they need help with. Prior to getting my new job / interview stage, i networked and managed to have a few meetings with my new manager and build a rapport with him and in the end a role opened up within his team and he was keen to give me the role. I felt as though the role was something I'd enjoy doing. He was aware of previous experience and he was confident I could easily fit in as the support was great, so many courses I could go on, opportunities, it's a job people tend to fall into etc. And someone else from my old team got a role within his team and has excelled since. I can study the role through books but I am one of these people that like to learn practically or as I go along (again explained this whilst getting to know him and was reassured). I believe it is possible with this role (business analyst) that I can learn on the job also. I’ve read books, watched YouTube videos etc and I want to apply this to real life. I’ve expressed my concerns to my new manager in professional terms numerous times (when I can get hold of him as he is always busy) and nothing has really changed. Both of the mentors within the team I was given, one is on maternity and the other left all of a sudden due to illness. My new mentor who I have set a meeting with next week knows who I am but never acknowledges me in person so I’m dreading it. I was originally due to finish this secondment at the end of summer but it’s in the works to be extended until the end of November and I’m not really sure how I feel about it. My days in the office are spent doing hardly anything apart from “coffee/social/ networking catch ups” and my working from home days might as well be annual leave. Any work I have been assigned is irrelevant to the tasks my role would entail- I’m being put on projects where there is lack of resources within other teams.
Since this secondment, my motivation and energy levels have seriously reached the lowest point. I can barely get up in the morning, I have no motivation to eat healthy or keep fit, I’ve gained at least a stone and a half and now I’m back being fat and looking gross. Up until this point, I could easily get up at 5:30am with no problems, was always alert, was in a good routine but now getting up at 8:45 is hard. I’m moody, snappy and just feel lost and emotional day in day out.
I had a weak moment and broke down to my old manager the other week and he has fully been aware with what is going on throughout, has expressed his concerns to my new manager and told me an action plan my new manager had (that hasn’t been done) and is quite keen to have me back. I like the idea of going back because I know I’ll be busy and always have something to do and I am hoping I will feel I’m in more control. But it’s a very micro managed. I’ll be clock watched, will need to be in eyes reach of my manager so any networking will be quite hard to keep up, VERY unlikely to be able to progress there or make more money and I’m worried I’ll look like a joke to everyone as other people that have left have never gone back. If I stay on with this secondment and get a permanent role, my wage would increase by around 10-15k and I’ll have a higher “status” but I’m just so miserable.
Sorry it’s a very long post, I’ve told some of my peers and boyf but they think I’m mad to not enjoy my work life at the moment and they don’t seem to understand that I like to feel as though I have a purpose and keep busy so I am constantly battling whether I am being stupid to even want to go back.
Have you ever been stuck in a situation like this? Where although you hate your job- the “stakes” feel as though they are too high to give up. Do you have any suggestions on how I can approach this? Would it look unprofessional to recruiters within the firm (I would like to stay with this company), and my manager or potentially new managers if I try another secondment 1-2 years after returning. I have been building a network of contacts within the company, but I am still trying to work out what it is I actually want to do but I know it’s not my old job!
Apologies again, I would really appreciate any advice / experience / encouragement.
Thank you x