Mobbing at work, what should I do?

[GiselleTorpedo]

Hello lovely ladies,
I am in a bit of a situation and would love to hear what you guys think?
I have been employed with this huge organisation for nearly 3 years now and just returned from Mat Leave a few months ago.
Since then my manager has been a living nightmare. He has been making comments, threats and just overall being really frustrated with me that I have to A) leave on time and B) don't just live for his team (so he can get far in the company). This would include working long hours as well as weekends. There is much more to it but I wont go into more detail as it might be tmi.
The situation has gotten so bad that I started having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. My heart would pound and I feel sick and dizzy in the middle of the night. I am dreading going to work and I am all choked up every morning. It has been a living nightmare. When I started having non menstrual bleeding I knew its too much to handle so I decided to go to my GP to ask for advice. She has instantly signed me off sick saying I suffer from extreme stress that is caused by my manager and that I shall use the time to find another job.
I was also told that I should sue the the company because under no circumstances they should treat you like this as a Mother. I am now seriously considering speaking to a No Win No Fee Solicitor but I am also worried as this is a huge bank, they must have the best lawyers right?
I am so stressed and dont really know how to get out of this mess, I dont ever want to go back there, but how do I get out of this with feeling better? Because if I just leave without saying a word it will look as if I am in the wrong but I want him to learn his lesson.
I would love to hear the opinion of ladies who have been in similar situations or have some sort of advice? Do I go silently or do I make noise?
Thanks xxx

are you in a union? if they are a huge bank, they must have a union? If you are not in one, please join one now and they can provide you with additional support.

Phone ACAS for advice on your next steps.

I think your first step should really be to write a letter of complaint to your HR department because the bank may challenge that you did not follow proper grieviance procedures.

It seems ott to get a solicitor at this stage and to sue for what exactly? Try your internal complaints process ( it will be on the intranet if you do not have a copy of policies to hand) and raise a grievance. You can also ask for a referral to Occupational Health to help manage your return. They may recommend adjustments such as a change of team and phased return.

Because if I just leave without saying a word it will look as if I am in the wrong but I want him to learn his lesson

Why care about what he or anyone else thinks? He won't learn any lesson. You'll have to personally fund a Tribunal case against your employer. You will need to have exhausted the internal process ie your employer's grievance procedure, then if that doesn't resolve the matter, you'd have to lodge a Tribunal case. All this, while holding down a job. It isn't clear from your OP which aspect of employment law you intend to take to Tribunal.

Find another job and don't waste your time, energies and money trying to get your own back. It's just not worth it. And yes they will have a team of employment specialists so wouldn't be paying out of their own pocket, but you would be!

You must go through the company’s procedures first. You can’t go straight to a solicitor and “sue” - what for exactly ? You haven’t told them or given them a chance to put it right.
Personally (not a hr or law expert) I think you have a couple of choices
1 Go through your company’s sickness absence process and at the same time consider raising a grievance against your boss. Get union support. This may take some time. You may find that you will be able to find a solution that works for you so you can go back to work (E.g. he backs off, you go part time or moving to another team) If not you may be offered a compromise agreement to leave.
2 if you can’t face going through the company’s internal processes use the time you are off to look for a job that suits your current life needs and resign.

This could be discrimination or it might not be. There was a case some years ago where a doctor was mistreated after maternity leave. She won her claim.
It's not clear if this type of treatment occurred before you went on leave? If you want to take this further you need to raise a grievance with your employer.

I was sort of in this situation - my line manager gave me no support and then blamed me for being behind on the fact I had to leave on time to collect children.

I was off for 5 weeks with stress and then resigned as they weren't doing anything to address the issues. I then got paid off sick for my 4 weeks notice.

I was going to take them to tribunal, but a friend of mine who was an employment solicitor said "I will help you. Every step. But this will consume your waking thoughts and it will go on for months. If you truly think it will help you then we'll do it, but please think of your own mental health before we start as it's a tough and difficult process".

I didn't in the end. I got another job, moved on, and decided that being happy was the better outcome.

So by all means go for tribunal, but be aware it can be a tough process.

When you say he has been making 'comments and threats' can you be more specific? Those would seem to be the points on which any case would rest.

Asking someone to work long hours/weekends isn't in itself illegal, but if you are being harassed/bullied into doing so, then it would be grounds for a grievance.

You need to exhaust the internal process first - so what you should do is raise a grievance against your manager, citing the specific things he has done that you feel are unreasonable. Your sickness absence should not be a factor in this - your manager should manage this separately through the absence process.

I would suggest seeking advice from the union. Also, as you mention it's a major bank, check if you have an independent employee legal helpline (or your union may offer one).

You should contemplate further proceedings only after the internal process has been exhausted, and then only after seeking advice from ACAS. As pps have said, tribunals are difficult and stressful, and very expensive should you lose and have to pay costs.

Context is important. What is he threatening you with? Is yours the kind of role where long hours and weekend work are normal and expected? Did you work those hours happily before maternity leave?

I have contacted my HR consultant and she has told me that I can follow the grievance procedure after occupational health contacted me. That’s where we stand now. I also spoke to ACAS and they have advised the same. ACAS also told me that I can settle the case before going to tribunal meaning they have to agree on a negotiated exit or offer some sort of compensation.
They also told me that my case falls under indirect sex discrimination.
There have been jokes from management side that I just returned from a whole years off work doing nothing and therefore shouldn’t take advantage of my annual leave entitlement.
After I told him I have to leave on time to pick up my daughter he said he has worked hard to build this team up and he will not allow anyone to destroy his and the teams reputation.
When my child was unwell he texted me saying I still need to work remotely as I have a job to do and that it is my responsibility to find someone who can look after my child regardless of her health.
None within my team has kids including my manager so I feel they don’t understand that you can’t just leave your kid somewhere and work
Working long hours is definitely a norm within the team and I used to do it before the baby but now it’s just impossible. I get that some of you say it’s not worth going the legal route but I have been and am suffering mentally from this a lot. I feel being treated so unfairly is just not right.

It sounds as though you have made a good start, though I'm surprised that you have to wait for the OH report before you can start your grievance.

The 'jokes' are definitely inappropriate and your manager has no right to stop you leaving on time, assuming you are contracted to work fixed hours each day.

His team's reputation isn't relevant in this context - it's for him to manage how his team is perceived. Managing a team in a way that is family-friendly and flexible should reflect well on him rather than otherwise - if it doesn't, it points to something culturally wrong in your company.

You should be given reasonable time off for your child's illness - if it's prolonged it would be fair to take this as holiday or unpaid leave, after an initial period of paid emergency leave, if you're unable to make alternative childcare arrangements. Obviously what is reasonable would also depend on the severity of the illness.

”your manager has no right to stop you leaving on time, assuming you are contracted to work fixed hours each day.”

My guess is that the OP works in one of those roles where contracted hours are an ‘on paper’ thing and there is a clause in her contract about doing hours necessary for completion of her professional duties, which for her colleagues means not clocking off at 5pm and working some time at weekends.

Sounds like you’ve had some completely unacceptable comments OP I completely agree. But it does also sound as if you are expecting to work far fewer hours than your colleagues for the same salary, which will not be perceived well.

You are entitled to raise a grievance whenever you like, but I would also suggest you consider whether you can realistically fulfil your full time role and if you want to reduce your hours, consider putting in a flexible working request to do so.

Yes, if as flowery says, there is a clause to that effect in your contract you might want to consider whether it's the right role for you. Alternatively, you would need to provide evidence that you are performing your role to an appropriate standard within your 'on paper' hours - e.g. meeting targets, deadlines etc.

Thanks ladies, there is some good advice and opinions here. I have to think of what I am going to do next...argh...why is life so difficult sometimes...

ACAS also told me that I can settle the case before going to tribunal meaning they have to agree on a negotiated exit or offer some sort of compensation

I think ACAS are rather jumping the gun here! Telling you that "you can settle the case before going to Tribunal" makes it sound like the ball is in your court and they've already accepted wrong-doing on their part. They haven't done anything of the kind, and they probably won't.

The reality is that, no matter how badly your manager has treated you (and from your account, he has made life very unpleasant for you irrespective of your contract - he just sounds like a nasty piece of work), them admitting wrongdoing could be light years away, probably never.

These cases tend to become protracted with the employer dragging their heels, doing everything possible to lengthen the process, in the hope the employee buckles and decides they can't continue.

Keep going with the grievance process but be prepared for it to take a lot longer, and for now don't raise your hopes about them making you an offer, better to stay realistic.

LovingMum. Just to be picky. You say under no circumstances should they treat you like this as a mother. Surely they shouldn’t treat anyone like this, even those who are child free?

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

There is some evidence that actively tackling this (up to a point) rather than just walking away, is the best strategy, as it not only improves the outcome, but also means your self-confidence suffers less in the long run. The important thing is to focus on securing a realistic good outcome for you (settlement plus reference plus good job to go to) rather than on full punishment of the ring leader (this is hard to achieve and can make it look like a personality clash rather than a victimization) although it can be possible to get their behaviour noted. And then a picture of them grows over time and eventually they get their comeuppance.

I did a lot of reading on this as it happened to me about 7 years ago. I negotiated a settlement and left. Some of the ringleaders said things about me outside the organization, however it was considered by a lot of people in the business community yo reflect more badly on them than on me. A couple of years after, one of the ringleaders made a big mistake speaking to the local media, and tried to bluster their way out of a lie. The local press ran with it and they lost their job and the organization lost funding. One of the reasons the local media felt it worth running with the story was all the local chat about how many people the organization treated badly (staff and clients).

It can have very long term psychological effects on you if you don’t stand up for yourself properly, in an assertive way. And people not9ce and in time it can come to fruition.

There have been jokes from management side that I just returned from a whole years off work doing nothing and therefore shouldn’t take advantage of my annual leave entitlement

OK they've joked, but h@ve they actively blocked you from taking your statutory entitlement of annual leave. A Tribunal would take this seriously, if you have evidence that they have refused you especially if they've threatened you dismissal if you do try to take leave after you've requested it through the approval process. That could be classed as harassment under the Equality Act if your case will be Discrimination-based. You will need to provide proof otherwise it's you word against his.

Does your husband take equal time off to cover pick up and sickness? This would enable you to work late two or three times a week.

The adjustment from doing long hours in a competitive job in a high-pressure environment to coming back from maternity leave with the added responsibility of having a child to look after is one that many women work their way through, it is rarely easy and often does not work out how we would have imagined.

You need to think about how you and your family adapt to this massive change. There are lots of things to think through....

• how much has the arrival of your child impacted your partner's working life, are they prepared to shoulder the burden
• what does your childcare look like? can you change this? what if you had more home help, a nanny, maybe even two, one who could cover 7-7 and one who could cover weekends and evenings if you were both working?
• what were your career ambitions before having your child and given the reality of your parenting responsibilities, how have they changed?
• are you considering having more children, how do you think the arrival of subsequent children will impact your childcare provisions and your work life?
• what do other women in your situation do?
• does your workplace have any female mentorship programme, family-friendly policies, return to work programmes? What is the profile of employees at the higher levels in the organisation, do different roles have different time demands? are there departments where the workload is more balanced and less pressured and would a change in role be an option?
• It is clear from your post that your manager does not support the balance between work and life that you are looking for right now. What was your view before having children? Did you know any employees that had children? Did you observe how they managed their lives? What was your opinion of how they adapted? What is your partner's view? How has your view changed?
• It is also clear that your current job is placing you under an extreme amount of stress. In order for this not to continue, some changes need to happen: either

a) you with the support of HR, manage to negotiate a change in expectations and behaviour from your manager, b) you need to share the childcare burden with your partner and possibly a nanny c) you need to find an alternative position where you can do your job in the hours that you are contracted for without the expectation of significant additional hours d) you agree with your partner that you will take a step back in your career, knowing that this will have a lifelong impact on your earning capacity and that this will be at significant cost to you in many ways (I did this, by choice and it is a difficult choice, not one to be taken lightly)

Excellent post from Forgiveness

I may be wrong OP but it does sound as though you haven’t had those realistic discussions and instead have just returned to work and started to work exactly your contracted hours, being a fairly significant change from what you were doing before but without any structured agreement or discussion.

Doing that now, rather than raising a grievance, might be a better approach, if you want to stay in your job.

if it is a big bank they will have a greivance procedure and /or a slush fund to pay off those who may litigate.

Have to say I am a bit surprised at your GP so confidentially recommending sueing your employer to you, didn't know they taught employment law at medical school now

I think as Forgiveness says you need to have a think about what you want out of this process, if it's to stay in this role/with this company then getting support from Occupational Health and an informal conversation with your manager about what flexibility you are asking for and how you see your role working within that and how you can still meet all your requirements/targets, is perhaps a better bet than going straight in with solicitors and threats of legal action. And if you have definitely decided your aim is another role then your energy might be better spent in getting yourself healthy again and starting a job hunt. Not saying to not put the grievance/ET claim in if you are sure you have a case but be aware how time consuming and stressful these things are.

Just to follow up on a couple of things, your main complaints seem to be around time off to look after your daughter and 'jokes'/threats about when you can take your annual leave. You are entitled by law to emergency time off to arrange alternative childcare if your daughter is ill and unable to attend her usual childcare but this is unpaid and meant to only be for the short-term whilst you make alternative arrangements (e.g. emergency babysitter). You are not entitled to stay off work until she's better. Harsh but that's the law, many companies of course are more flexible and will let you take last-minute annual leave or even paid special leave to look after a sick child but if your company sticks to the letter of the law that is their prerogative, provided of course this is applied to everyone equally and fairly.

You also say that they implied you shouldn't be taking annual leave so soon after returning from maternity leave. Another poster commented that employers cannot prevent you taking your statutory annual leave, this is correct but they can (and many employers do) exercise control on when annual leave is taken, e.g. to say you cannot take annual leave at a busy time of year. I do know employers who would discourage the taking of too much annual leave immediately after a period of extended leave such as mat. leave or sick leave, as there might be essential training to do immediately after return, or re-integration with clients etc., and provided their reasons are justifiable and again applied equally to everyone. I think this is OK within the law. Of course I don't know if this applies if your role but just to be aware...

Have to say I am a bit surprised at your GP so confidentially recommending sueing your employer to you, didn't know they taught employment law at medical school now

perhaps they did a law degree or are married to a lawyer.

Just because you do one job doesn't mean that you don't know anything about other fields. Always worth bearing in mind when looking down upon retail staff....

but I agree that in principle it is a bit odd for a GP to be giving legal advice.

does your workplace have any female mentorship programme, family-friendly policies, return to work programmes?

The concern I have, from the OPs account of the interactions with their manager, is that it's a company that doesn't practice women in the workplace type policies. Return to work programmes are great if they are imbued throughout the hierarchical structure of the organisation, so that a situation like the OP describes doesn't happen, ie having to contend with management making barbed jokes of the "haven't you had enough annual leave already" variety. The manager should have had positive performance planning meetings with the employee to discuss and agree a condusive work pattern, to delivery work to deadlines, but instead they expect the employee to just jump back into the cut and thrust of work, without any help and support towards that transition.

At this juncture, I expect the OP feels the relationship is broken and that any family friendly policies are on paper only and not practiced in reality. Fighting against that culture is exhausting.

Get a free no obligation chat with an employment lawyer and gather your evidence as well as your company's family policies.
Meet with HR perhaps you can suggest a sideways move so you're not bullied

Re your contract, if you do have a job that expects you to get the job done then perhaps work from home, but I'd definitely be sharing the work out between you and your husband as he should take family responsibility just as seriously as you, it's not just your burden