Could really do with some ideas, going back to work isn't an option anymore :(

[TasteTheBloodyRainbow]

Well, at least in my current job. I posted over on forces sweethearts last night just to have a bit of a vent, but I've been up all night, and thought I'd try and get some advice. Plus it's a little busier over here.

Long story short, DH now has to go away on exercise a lot without much notice. This leaves me responsible for getting DS to/from nursery at short notice, so I applied for flexible working to facilitate this. I requested to compress to three days, and drop three hours so I'd be able to start and finish half an hour each day to get DS if needed. They've said no, under no circumstances can I leave or start early, or reduce my hours. With no family or friends within a good hour radius, they've made it impossible for me to return. I can't afford additional childcare as well as nursery, and everywhere is full this is the only one out of ten providers that's offered him a place. It's our only option.

I looked at getting an au pair, but there aren't any three bed forces accomdation houses vacant until next year apparently so that option is out. I can't see an au pair being happy to have us traipsing in and out of her bedroom because it's the only damn room with a wardrobe in the house. Private renting isn't an option.

I tried to apply for some temp jobs at a couple of local agencies. Because, and I quote, 'I could move at any moment' they won't allow me to apply for anything lasting longer than a month. I need a reliable wage! I can't live month to month not knowing what I'm going to earn. I explained we were posted here for another two years, but they weren't interested. I didn't openly tell them my circumstances, they recognised the address as being on patch. A lot of employers do.

I'm just sick of employers classing me as unreliable and flakey. I've been shot down for so many jobs purely for being a forced spouse. It's awful, it's discrimination, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm sorry that ended up being so long. I'm just really upset by all of this.

What I'd really like to hear are any viable ideas as to what I can do. I'm really struggling to find anything part time within a 1.5 hour radius. I need to do something that means that when I have to be the sole carer of DS, I can be. So I guess that means home working is the only option?

I don't want to hear about MLM's. I'm not sure that going self employed is the best idea either, because I really need to know I'll earn enough to pay DS's nursery fees and my bills. So I guess I want to hear about anywhere/anything you've done that's a legitimate work from home job. I've worked out I can just scrape by on £600 if I can do whatever it is while DS is in bed, or £1250 if I can do it three days a week + when DS is in bed.

I'm currently in office management, background in retail management and recruitment.

I'm sorry that's so long and wafflely. I'm sure what I'm asking is totally impossible. I've got until September 2nd to sort something out.

My only other option is to just walk out of work early when I need to and see how long it takes me to get fired. But I'm gutted. I love my job, I really don't want to leave but they've really forced my hand.

Can you use a childminder instead? Usually a bit cheaper and more flexible ? You could fine one nearer to work if the commute is an issue? Or choose a nursery closer to work so you don't have to leave so early.

I know some employers will only take 1 request for flexible working every so many months. If this is not the case can you request again. The compressing your days may be the main issue? Or did they say no to any options?

Personally I would stay in a job that knows you as it's easier.

There are some work from home
Customer services companies but they require you to have a dedicated work space. Own pc, broadband, land line etc. I believe they can't be in a shared family space or bedroom. I haven't done this, but reading up on it you needed to be quite flexible on what hours as it was competitive for the good hours.

Thank you for reading through all the waffle!

Unfortunately it's the only nursery he's gotten into out of the ten in the area we're in. Whenever I call any of the others all I'm told is that he's still on the waiting list, and they can't give me a time frame. Obviously I'll move him if he gets offered a place elsewhere, but it's what we do in the interim. Nursery is about 30-40 minutes from where I work, the earliest drop off is 7:45, and I need to start at 8:30, to get there on time I used to have to leave at 7:30 because of the traffic, and I'd literally scrape in. Latest pick up is 17:15, and I finish at 17:00, so I'll never make that one. I spoke to the nursery who said they can't arrange for DS to stay an extra 20-30 minutes, which is more than understandable. I've had to accept the place as September is the latest I can return, but the timings just aren't going to work.

I may be looking in all the wrong places, but childminders here seem to start at £9 an hour, which works out nearly double what the nursery charge for a full day. I'll keep looking though unless that seems to be about right?

In the letter I sent them I outlined a few suggestions, I even had a meeting to discuss it with them before I wrote the letter. I suggested compressing days, job sharing, working from home for the half hours I missed of work, working weekends, I even offered to stay full time if when DH was away they'd let me come/go as needed to sort out DS. All rejected. So I'm not sure what else I can even ask them to consider! DH is going to be doing drop off/pick up whenever he's here, so it's only going to be some of the time I need the flexibility. I only asked to compress because I thought at least then my employer would have consistency, and I wouldn't be ringing every ten minutes telling them I couldn't come in on time.

It's all well and good saying to stay with them, but I imagine I'll be sacked pretty quickly when I'm bunking off to sort DS out because DH is away. I know that my child care issues aren't my employers problem, but I just wish they would be more understanding that with DH in the forces, any help we have is hours away, it's hard.

Sorry, this is all so self indulgent and 'woe is me' isn't it? I feel like I'm all problems and no solutions! But I'll certainly keep looking at child minders to see if I can find one at a slightly lower rate.

Something phone based may be an option, I used to do recruitment and I've seen a few home based roles for that sort of thing advertised. Slight issue is the only phone line is behind the fridge! So I'd have to talk to our housing officer and see if they'd consider letting us have a second line somewhere else. I could probably convert the dining room quite easily. I say room ... it's a 1.5x1m box.

Round here the childminders are 4.25 - 5.50 p/h( outside London but not really far from ) There's an app called childcare and often you can see their rates.

Are you working in London ? Are there no nursery's by your work ? I can understand if you get the train to work, then taking DC on the commute would not work.

I haven't gone back to work due to similar issues. My DH works long irregular hours and is away a lot ( not forces) It's very difficult, you have my sympathies

I will be getting the train in. If DS was a bit older, it might be manageable, but I can't see a 9 month old and I traipsing around with much success!

The cheapest one I've found so far is £8.50 that's not even including lunch! There are a few £6.50 ones I'll get in touch with, but they only seem to have morning sessions available.

I must say, I'm feeling a bit more optimistic today. I'm not too sure why, I just guess I know this'll all work out because failure isn't an option.

I think a bit of sympathy is all I want really. DH and I are being really snappy with each other, I just want to cry most of the time in frustration and disappointment, and I just can't face the idea of not being able to go back to work (the debt I'd incur aside). I've had really bad PND, and I know going back to work would really help me I can't face being stuck in this town, as socially isolated as I am now. It's really putting a lot of pressure on both of us.

Is there anywhere offering wrap around care so early drop off to child care, they taste to nursery and collect, tippy get from child minder?

Oh! I hadn't thought of that Standing! I'll have a look around. I think realistically I could drop him off at a CM, if they were local or on the way to work ... it's certainly worth a look! The thing is it wouldn't be needed all the time, I wonder if short notice childminding like that exists?

Fab example of this is DH has just come home and told me he's away Monday for two weeks so that's one working days notice!

It just seems a bit of a waste scrimping and saving to pay for a service I might not use every day.

Obviously if that's our best option (and it certainly seems it) I'm sure we can find the extra money to get wrap around care. Somewhere.

Ok so when DH is here he does drop off and pick up?

You would probably have to pay it permanently even if you didn't use it.

You talk about scrimping and saving - I'd that because it's all coming out of your wage or would it be tight between the two wages?

I'd look at every nursery that's near your work as well. How long is the train journey? I reckon it would be doable to commute with baby if needs be. He won't be 9 months for long and I reckon you'd get into a routine.

How about a nanny? Or nanny share?

Would you be able to pay a ‘babysitter’ to do the wrap around care when you need it? You will probably be able to get a regular one or a small squad. Try the bubble app- I’ve had success with students in early years tupe courses who seem happy with ad-hoc.

What area are you in? I'm a childminder in quite a high cost area and our rates are still way below £9 per hour.
Are you sure that is a childminder rate and not a nanny rate? A nanny would look after just your child so is more expensive. A childminder looks after several children from different families so has a lower hourly rate per child.

Hi, this may be something you've already tried, but do any of the nurseries etc you've got dc's name down for have space for a different service? So, some nurseries here do pick up after school etc and take them back to their own place until maybe 6-7pm. They also have childcare within the day, but those kids go and then the pick up service is another thing and used by different parents so may not necessarily be full up.
Perhaps call all the places you've currently got your name down for and ask if they do this. So effectively you'd be using two nurseries, one for during the day and one for the hours either side. Cost may be prohibitive. You could always ask the nurseries if they have any trainee staff who are interested in part time/ad hoc babysitting. I'm sure some of those doing their child care courses have to build up a reference base and experience.

Really, the fact that this is such a common problem should mean there are loads of providers for wrap around care, but it's sooo hard isn't it?

I think it would be a lot for a baby to cope with to use an C.M
plus a nursery (which is why I haven't returned to work.) I personally preferred the idea of a nursery originally, but having got to know a few childminders I think it's more homely. Obviously they have to go on the school run and then after school is a bit hectic, so pros and cons.

A friend that worked in a nursery said under 2 yrs, they would prefer to use a childminder for their children. Just due to the time spent with the children.

I think it's just harder to find the right childminder.

Do you live on camp or a garrison? Is there another mum you could share the load with? E.g. she takes your son when DH is away and in return you take her child wherever they go when DH is home/offer some babysitting or whatever in return?

My brother is forces and lives in the garrison - generally, my experience is that forces families stick together and help each other out as much as possible.

I hope you get sorted

Positive update ! Thank you all for your wonderful advice and suggestions.

Unfortunately, I was completely unable to find a child minder who would be able to have DS all 5 days. I had a chat with some other mums we know, and neighbours in passing. Most either have two or three of their own children and are totally overrun, and our neighbours are all young, childless and not overly interested. We're on patch, but it's not an overly friendly community. Everyone seems to keep to themselves. Anyway, It seemed really unfair to send him to multiple childcare providers, so I handed in my notice for September.

Then, work decided 'after a lot of thought' I could do 9-4 on a trial basis for 3 months. So at least that buys me a bit more time to sort something out and means I can get DS to and from nursery without rushing!

I've also had three interview offers from a private company that runs on base. They actually called me out of the blue based on some contract work I did for a similar company a couple of years ago. It's not something I want to do particularly, but it offers flexible working, 9-5, five minute walk from nursery, ten minutes from home, and are all double what I'm earning in my current job. So hopefully, fingers crossed I'll get one of the three jobs!

Excellent news with the job interviews. Good luck!

And isn't it funny how your current employer reconsidered when you handed your notice in?! 🤔

It is quite strange, isn't it Fatted ?

I'm in two minds about the interviews! Any of the three would make life so much easier for all of us, but it does totally derail my career again.

I can't have it all though I guess