Would you employ me in this circumstances?

[Pandora79]

Good Morning

I am 36 and have a lot of experience in my industry. I am a manager. I have worked for my current employer for 20 months.

Last year my marriage broke down and I left my abusive husband. The department I worked in was very supportive. In March I had to move department, due to our department closing. The new department wasn't supportive at all. I tried to book annual leave to move into a house and was denied because they felt I hadn't been there long enough. One of my managers told me I was weak when I got upset at work, they changed my shifts to late shifts meaning that I didn't see my kids (apart from taking them to school) for a week and a half.

The divorce is horrible. Exh has continued being abusive and I just broke, in the end. I have been off with depression and anxiety for 8 weeks. Work appear supportive, but have already mentioned that I may have to be replaced if I don't return soon. They keep saying they need me back as they are short staffed. They have arranged counselling, I have had 1 session which actually made me feel worse. The counsellor told me, that my work was awf and I should leave.

Anyway, I have enough money to live for about 3 months so thinking of handing my notice in. Being able to spend the summer with my kids and settle us all into our new life (we have had move area as I could not afford a home in the area we lived in).

I thought I would look for a job and give me reason as leaving as simply that. After a tough year, I needed time to sort myself out and concentrate on my kids. How would that sound to potential employers?

Leaving work is a risk, in case I dont find anything. The job market can be quite difficult and I don't know how employers will react to my time off sick.

Any advice would be welcome. Thanks.

OP, Life is about taking risks, because sometimes, with jobs (just like bad relationships) it gets to the point of no return, they can turn badly wrong, they break and the very best thing is to cut-and-run from that damaging situation even when you don't know what the future holds. If you have good skills that can be deployed in a new company / industry context, and you have the right attitude, you will find new work. I've seen it happen many times (it has happened to me, and I cannot tell you how glad I was to take the risk) - your next job or even the one after that will be a massive improvement and you'll say to yourself thank goodness you took the risk and made the change for yourself.

Try not to think too hard about the downsides, the "what ifs" and go all-out with a plan towards your new future. There will be speed bumps along the way, but it sounds like you need to become 'unstuck' from the present damaging and demoralising role, and that will inevitably involve risk. Be brave.

I also meant to say, when you go for interviews, focus on your skills, what value you can bring their organisation, do a great sell and you will very often find that companies are pragmatic about the fact people have lives (effectively "shit happens" to us all).

It's how you convey your determination to deliver in that new role, that's really what they care about. The other stuff, well, find a way to focus less on that, and more on who you are, and how lucky they would be to employ you.

find a new job before you resign.

negotiate a start date which gives you break first before you start - say this is due to relocating.

if you resign, then don't find a new job before your money runs out, you would not be entitled to benefits

OP can you sign up with portals like CW Jobs, indeed, and do some temping (depending on your skills, there are many industries needing flexible workers. Summer is here, there will be loads of cover needed for holidays, and it's a great way of getting your foot in the door keeping up skills and keeping income flowing into your bank account.

'a personal emergency which is now resolved and I'm happy to discus further at interview' on a form wouldn't put me off interviewing someone

^ this

Or even a bland "short term family commitment which I have now resolved" means they will see you as a problem-solver.

🌷you’ve had a properly shit time of it 🙁

I think though, that you need to take a good look at your kids, pull your big girl pants up the their full size and show YOURSELF you can do this.

They are a bunch of utter cunts, undoubtedly, so don’t let them win.

Look hard for a new job, but don’t leave this one until you have another one. It’s really important.

IF you were honest with me, as you have been here, I’d have no hesitation in employing you and I’d be happy to do a delayed start if you wanted some time at home with your kids before starting.

I’d be FAR less inclined to do that if you had already left your job.

Be strong & focus, you CAN do this.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time of it.

I would totally employ someone after a 3 month career break. In fact, I recently took a 16 month career break because I wanted to spend more time with my daughter and found a brilliant flexible senior position after that time that I've been doing for the last six months.

You have experience and seniority, so a short break shouldn't make a difference but enough money for three months could be tough - it can easily take three months to find a job, and even if you get one straight away sometimes people have notice periods etc which mean you can't start straight away. So you'd have to be looking from the start and that can be time consuming.

What are the freelancing options like in your industry? Is there a good recruiter you can talk to for advice? Can you step up your networking and contact people you used to work with?

In short - this can totally be done, but it takes focus, effort and a thick skin. And it's risky. That said, I would still go for it. Life's too short to work with people who make you miserable.

Sorry you are going through this Pandora.

I’m sorry but I keep thinking of the very worst case scenario. What would happen if you left and then ran out of money before you found another job. I thought I heard something about not being able to get housing support from your local Council because they would see you leaving your job as making yourself effectively homeless by not having the means to support yourself on an ongoing basis. Like I say I don’t know if this is correct and I hope I’m wrong. Does anyone else know if this would apply in Pandora’s case?

Hi everyone. Thank you for all you advice.

Today has been a strange day. I finally got hold of our HR partner and told her what I am thinking of doing and why. She seemed shocked at the events in the department. But who knows if she is shocked or will just sweep it under the carpet. But she offered to at least look at a transfer.

Then an ex colleague who works for a company that is very similar to my old department got in touch as he has had an opening at his company, pretty much doing the same thing for them that I used to do. It's a job that I love and I would love to work for a smaller, more personal company.

So no notice handed in yet. But there maybe something better on the horizon anyway. Yay!

That’s great news OP ! The new job sounds great, good luck with it.

If you told me

"I took three months to move home and help the children settle. We were moving out of an abusive situation unfortunately and divorce was necessary, given the situation I thought it sensible to ensure a good foundation was in place for our lives moving forward. Everything is going very well now and I'm very much looking forward to getting back to work" (confident smile)

I'd be very impressed with you and yes if you were qualified and the best candidate, I'd absolutely hire you.

Thank you both.

It's great to know that people can be understanding. My current employer is very much 'so what if you have issues outside work just get on with it.

But hopefully, I won't have to take the risk anyway.