Finding Au pairs without using agencies.

[hattiel]

Has anyone been successful in recruiting an au pair without using an agency. We have always used an agency but the fees are extortionate for what they actually do. In some cases the applicants did not fit the criteria and we ended up waiting ages.

Any advice on the pros and cons please.

try www.greataupair.com (it may have a hyphen in it) - it's a huge site anyway.

pros: no fees, loads to choose from
cons: no comeback if things go wrong.

Other than that there's no problem really as you can always ask for references (which is all an agency would do).

PS I did recruit an aupair from that site. There were problems, but that was mostly due to my not having asked enough questions first plus a bit of a personality clash, which could have happened with an agency anyway.

thanks Senorapostrophe.

Were you overloaded with applicants? and can you think of any questions you would recommend asking that would usually take for granted with an agency? Did you contribute towards airfares ect?

Yes i agree, there is always an element of luck/risk involved. We have been unlucky recently as our au pair who is a lovely girl, great with children says we could'nt have treated her any better, but is obsessed with travelling and always had itchy feet( i have always tried to avoid the obvious globe trotters) although she lead me to believe the oppsosite. Now i think she is off to another unsuspecting family alledging to stay longer than she intends.

isn't there an aussie website called gumtree too, with lots of au pairs on there?

Hattiel, I use greataupair.com as well. I really like it because you can actually interview the au-pairs by e-mail and build up a rapport (or not) with them over the course of a few weeks, which you can't do with an agency.

Also, I got my last au-pair to get a police check as well as references - which again, you can't get from an agency. TBH, you can do an awful lot more with a website in terms of checking people out and making sure they're suitable, for about a tenth of the price with an agency!

thanks meanbean.

Brilliant, Never thought doing a police check, I guess it could be done regardless of which nationality the au pair is from.

Did you pay for her to do a police check? Is it usual to contribute to airfares and other expenses?

Not necessarily. As with an agency, you agree up front whether you will contribute to air fares, where you will collect the au-pair, whether you will pay holiday pay, etc. You can discuss all that via e-mail.

As far as I'm aware, it didn't even cost my au-pair anything to get a police check. But bear in mind that not all countries have a centralised CRB as in the UK, so a police check may just mean that the local cop shop have never hauled them in for anything - if they'd been arrested in another city, there'd be no record. However, with a twenty year old who has never left home, that's highly unlikely!

Hi Hattiel, I've just found an experienced aupair for my Dd. I placed an ad on www.gumtree.co.uk. They seemed to have the best range of girls with experience, but you do pay £19.99. I also placed an ad on the free website nannyjob, but had no real luck. Coincidentally, I found my previous aupair on this site.

Do be aware when using an agency, I used one last year, paid £300 and the aupair got violent with my Dd. It caused so much chaos. I rang the agancy to get my money back afterwards and the woman put the phone down on me. If you use the websites and are looking for someone who is already in the UK, it makes using an agency not seem worthwhile. You just have to call all the families the aupairs have been with and get a good gut feeling.

Good luck! xx

Just found this very useful thread and wanted to ask about the police check thing. Meanbean (or anyone) how did you go about asking for one? Did you just tell her to get an official letter from her police stating she had not been in any trouble?

Hi Wilbur
I just asked during the course of e-mailing. It was actually because I employed a male au-pair, and ridiculously, it would never have occurred to me to ask a female - although now I know how easy it is, I would always ask for one.

Once I realised he was male, I had already offered him the job, but in the course of a chatty e-mail, I reminded him that I would like a police report and 2 references. No problem at all - he sent me the original police report (in Slovak!) and a translation which he did. Not much use if you don't know anyone who speaks fluent Slovak, but luckily, I do!

I must say, I would definitely never use an agency again - they don't get police reports, they're not interested in matching you up with someone who will suit you, and I think it's an awful lot of money for something you can do yourself much more effectively. I'd have no hesitation in recommending the internet.

Thanks meanbean - sounds like you have it sussed. This is our first try at having an aupair, but I had good experiences with them as a child. Off to check out my great au pair matches now!

I am so pleased i tried on line sites as i'm now getting somewhere it gives the opportunity to ask so many questions and get a better feeling about someone.

Last time it took me 4 -6 weeks with an agency. which i said it would never do again.( the cost & how little they really do ect).

I know its time consuming looking at applicants at least i can decide which are/are not suitable. As anyone got any advice on the subject.

It has also made me think about the possibility of a male Au pair, which never occurred to me before. Has anyone used a male Au pair good or bad experiences?

I think whether you use an agency or not, you could take on somebody with great references, a police check, etc and decide after one day/one week that you do not like them in your house let alone with your child/ren.
I would recommend you advertise yourself in The Lady or in the local newsagent/library or the internet and put EXACTLY what you are looking for and EXACTLY what you are offering to try to avoid the mountain of applications from unsuitable candidates. Then interview and do second interviews. Make the second interview 2-3 hours but tell them you want them to meet the children and to spend some time with them. I have interviewed Housekeepers and Nannies on that basis and have been irritated after an hour or two and just know I couldn't bear to employ them. Actually, two weeks ago I interviewed a Montessori Teacher who was lovely and v.experienced and we arranged a three day trial (paid). After the first day I had my doubts and after the second I told her that I had my reservations and there was no point in wasting her time further. (My reasons: she actually wasn't as calm as I had originally thought, both children hadn't had their nappies changed an hour after lunch so had had a pooey nappy for that time, she was scatty, she didn't listen and finished my sentences for me, she didn't stop talking even when I had the food processor going, she just spoke louder!!)
I couldn't take somebody on who I hadn't met but do accept that any Au-Pair in the UK who has left a job/family is really a "failed" Au-Pair but you may take the view that not all families are nice to work for and that you don't mind. I think its very important whoever you choose to look after your children/live in your house that you are completely happy with them. Also, if they are already living here, can you get them to do a 2 or 3 day trial and live out at the same time?

Hi Hattiel
Just coming back to you about your question on male au-pairs. I've just had one. I employed him quite by accident, thinking that he was a girl (the name wasn't obvious, and I hadn't looked at his photo). At first, my immediate reaction was to think "I'm going to have to tell him he can't have the job", but then afterwards, I thought, well, I liked him well enough when I thought he was a girl, so why not now that I know he's a boy?

I got him to get references and a police check.

There was one downside to him being a boy: as he's 21 and gorgeous, and I'm a lone parent, everyone assumed he was my toy boy. At first this was quite amusing, but afterwards became extremely irritating!

Other than that, there weren't really any problems which I wouldn't have possibly had with a girl. He was very good with the children, very pro-active and they loved him. He was also extremely useful, because as well as keeping the house clean and tidy, he did things that I can't do, like putting up shelves.

I have heard from other people that Eastern European male au-pairs are sexist and awful, coming from a culture which has yet to experience a healthy dose of feminism, and I certainly found at first that when he wasn't actually on duty, it wasn't second nature for him to clear up after himself, but he soon got the hang of it!

The other thing is, because cleaning, etc., wasn't something he was expected to do at home, it meant he did it my way, the way I showed him. With my previous au-pair, a girl, she did it her way, which wasn't the way I wanted it done.

I've had such a good experience with him, that I'm about to get another au-pair; the brother of my previous (female) au-pair. On that point, just because an au-pair wants to move families doesn't mean s/he is a bad au-pair. I had to get rid of her because DS didn't get on with her, and also because she slightly irritated me, but that wasn't her fault. (I did it very diplomatically, hence us still keeping in touch and me now being about to get her brother as an au-pair.)

HTH

Meanbean LOL

Despite lacking in dose of feminism, There is no reason why some Eastern European male Au pairs could be brought into this century and apart from obvious problems associated with 20 something males, there are different issues with females. I'v had many applicants who have stressed 'they don't do housework'and certainly not willing to, they were mostly female, needless to say they were rejected and as it happens ( although i have not said this) there is minimal housework to do.

Most applicants have in some way met our criteria, and others not. I would certianly not hestiate to send an au pair back who was unsuitable, or I had serious reservations about. I think there are many reasons why Au pairs leave families not alway their own fault. We had a great au pair who was treated her like a slave and bullied by her last family, she turned out to be the best help I've ever had and we still keep in touch.

when i worked (feels like years ago) i found nuseries and nannies harder to select, simply because i found it hard to hand over sole charge from day one. i used to find myself spying through the window, or returing from work early just for some reassurance. I could never leave an Au pairs in sole charge for weeks, or more until i'm totally satisfied and then it is only for 1 or 2 hours.

Anyway i have 4 possibilities to consider. thanks for suggestions

Wow, what I would have given to find this chat a month ago. We have an almost 18 month daughter. Earlier this summer, we decided to embark on the au pair / nanny thing. We used a childminder all last year. We too used greataupair.com. The first one was 20 and from Poland. She was not a good choice. I still would recommend the website, but have learned to ask a few more questions and go over the answers with a fine tooth comb. She turned out not to be so qualified on things like toddler safety and nutrition. I tried and tried to teach what a vegatable was... but it didn't work. And I thought that any twenty year old knows how to keep a toddler safe -- WRONG! She used to leave her windows open which were definitely big enough and low enough for Hannah to crawl out... scared me half to death. Anyway, then she gave us notice, which was really a blessing in disquise because it meant I didn't have to fire her. Then, she was hinting that she was going to leave much sooner than permitted by the contract (contract required 4 weeks notice). I work full time, and so does my husband. So, feeling that I couldn't go to work for some 9 hours not knowing if she was really going to be there when I returned, I decided on one Wednesday morning that she was leaving that day. And she did. I found a local childminder to use temporarily while I hunted for her replacement (again on greataupair.com). The new one is older and more experienced. She's fantastic on nutrition (even has a degree in it). She's from Estonia. Works hard. She's great... so far. Although she's only been here for a week and a half, so it may be a bit soon to judge. But when things went wrong with Lidka (the first one), I told my husband that I was going to go crazy if a I didn't find a support group for mums with au pairs. Things have settled now. But, as all of my friends use nurseries or childmeniders, I felt very alone in Au Pair Hell. I wish I had found this chat then.

My advice here is focus on the interview and if anything seems not quite right to you, go with your gut instinct. If it smells like smoke and it looks like smoke... there's probably a fire! It is so much easier to not hire someone in the first place then it is to stand guard on your house until they pack their things and leave on a moments notice. That was such a long day. But you just have to do what's best for your kids, even if you think it's ruthless.

Does anyone live in Middlesex / Kingston area. I live in Sunbury, and would love to know if there are any other mums with au pairs close by. I work in Leatherhead so anywhere inside the southwest part of the M25 is accessible/convenient.

[email protected]

One more thing (as if I haven't typed enough already)... The second time around I used a MSWord document with a long list of questions. I sent the same questions to a variety of about 5 or 6 potential candidtates. This was useful because when they came back, I could compare the written answers. Its much harder to compare what was said in verbal conversations. As you may have guessed there were some key nutritional and toddler safety questions. If anyone wants my interview questionaire to use as a go-by, I'd be more than happy to share... [email protected]

Cassied I'd be very interested to swap lists - I've just put a question about deodorant use on mine!!!

Now this is where I always get confused about the aupair/nanny thing. Presumably, CassieD although you are using the term aupair you really mean more of a nanny as you are using her for fulltime care while you are at work. My understanding of aupair was that you should not leave them in sole charge of young children for any lenghty period of time and that their childcare qualifications/experience was limited - hence the fact that you don't pay them very much! At the moment, I have a Hungarian nanny for ds's aged 3 and 5 who, although a bit cheaper than a UK nanny, is still blooming expensive! Once ds2 starts school, I would look at changing to an aupair who would help in the morning, I would take both to school, she would be free all day - barring illness and inset days - and then look after them for a couple of hours in the evening until I get home. Ds's would then be aged 7 and 4 - and for that I would expect to pay the going rate, plus a bit,because I think it's unbelievable how little some aupairs get paid. Presumably I can then also stop paying tax and NI which I am doing at the moment for the nanny. Or have I missed something? Are other people using aupairs for much more than this? But then that's probably a whole other discussion!

I do sort of use the two terms interchangably. As far as I can tell, Au Pairs work shorter hours (say 20 or so per week) and lack experience. But, on the other hand, nannies don't do house work. Our current employee (whose name is Heidi) has some very impressive education (3 degrees -- 1 in nutrition, 1 in education, and 1 in veterinary studies) but she doesn't have loads of "work" experience. However, she has raised two kids of her own. And, that was good enough for me. So, her long hours and the fact that she has sole charge are more like a nanny. But, she also has to do some basic housework, like laundary, cleaning the kitchen, and tidying up after Hannah.

In return for these long hours, we do pay her more than the going rate of an au pair. But, less than an experienced nanny agency (not even including the outrageous nanny fees). But then, she also works 60 hours per week.

I just thought you all might like to know that I've just posted a complaint about Lidka... ooh that was a refreshing bit of therapy. :-)

I only discovered this feature on greataupair because my MIL asked if I had done it... she is apparently a better detective than I am.

I've just discovered this thread and have decided to try to recruit an au pair through great aupair.com and/or gumtree. Cassie, I might e-mail you to get a copy of your questionnaire once I have done the ads. (is this ok?).

Also, how has everyone found the sites compare to putting an ad in The Lady?

gumtree is brilliant - our fantastic Polish cleaner (now sadly ex because she's looking for a job as a teacher) came from there, as did our super-qualified new nanny, who's every bit the calibre you'd expect if going through (and paying through the nose for) an agency. I would now only say use an agency if it's your first go at employing someone, otherwise use gumtree - you'll be reaching exactly the people you want.

Only observations:

• depends where you live, gumtree is still only really comprehensive in London - you mightn't reach the right people that way if you live o/s London;

• don't put a phone number, you'll get 50+ calls (from a single day's ad) and you won't be able to keep track. Insist on e-mail replies; it's also then very easy to sift out who you really like, by the tone/competence of the answers.

I'm thinking of getting an aupair too. I haven't used one before but have had lots of experience of foreign lodgers in general.

would any of you who've used aupairs recruited from these websites be able to email me the questionnaire you have used? through CAT. I'd be really grateful thanks.

Hi all. Sorry, I've just read these. Had a bit of a bad experience on my last thread and haven't been back since. Anyone who wants my list of questions is more than welcome to contact me. Also there is a book, which can be bought at Waterstones called The Good Nanny Guide. It has really good advice on the interview process. Well worth the price.