Ever successfully dealt with a BULLY AT WORK?????

[drosophila]

Have you ever had the right approach when dealing with someone flying into a rage over really minor things. Someone very senior who holds the balance of power.

What did you do when faced with the irrational anger vented at you??

Wrote it down immediately, went back to him afterwards and told him exactly how I felt and the effect it had had on me (while having my written note in my hand).
He was sensible enough to realise he'd been out of order and verging on a bullying and harrassment complaint from me, and while he didn't exactly apologise, I've never had a problem since.
There is only one way to deal with bullies, and that's to stand up to them - but you'll need to assess the best way to do that. Whatever you do, don't ignore it.
Good luck!

And if possible discuss with union rep.

I have been reading about it on the Net and the advice there was not to confront as it could and probably would make the bully worse. There was a lot of psychobabble about why people bully all of ot rang true (they feel inadequate etc) and given their personality type would not react well to confrontation. That's why I wanted to hear from real life experiences so thanks for sharing.

Sorry to hear you're having this problem, drosophila.

If someone is being irrational, I don't think there really is a right approach. However, senior civil servants behaving like that are usually on the way out (I take it you're not talking about a minister, drosophila?) So it's probably best to try to keep your cool and keep in with whoever may be taking over.

I've no experience of irrational anger - generally I had more problems with people who took out their own frustrations with the system, and the fact they were never going to make it to the top, out on anyone around them, generally by low-level continuous sniping. Maybe someone with more experience will come along soon.

Did you notice how vague I was being? No not a Minister but you make an interesting observation ties in with the psychobabble I was reading. I tell myself I am not good with politics of this scale but here I find myself immersed in it.

I was wondering if I should say somehting like - I would appreciate it if you dodn't speak to me llike that but worry about the fall out. Can I just quit?????

I hadn't read the psychobabble - just going on the premise that ime bullies need to be stood up to. It's happened to me twice over a 20-odd year career - once a boss, once a colleague - both male. I also stood up to the colleague and never had a problem with him after that.
I do know that assertiveness training would tell you to calmly state the problem, what the effect on you was, and what you would like to happen.
Aggressive confrontation, I agree, would not be helpful - but there's a big difference between being assertive and aggressive.
If that didn't work and the problems continued, then you should raise a grievance - do keep a detailed note of every encounter and his reactions, and get your union involved.

I left, and sent a long and detailed account of everything the bully had done, to all the senior managers.

Bully lost his job 3 months later. Result!

Unfortunately lots of experience of this, and the subsequent investigations and tribunals. My boss was a full on crazy man - although in a position of power and no one realised how unhinged he was. I was working on my own with him alot. It took me years before i dealt with it properly instead of trying to manage it myself. Eventually i walked out and reported it. It took 9 months before he was officially fired on 9 counts of harrasment, bullying, and sexual harassment (got some variations on the spelling of harassment there, so you can pick the one you like) If you'd like to know anything about the procedures or the tribunal or the stages i went through, you're welcome to get in touch.

I can't see a problem with the form of words you're suggesting, drosophila. It sounds assertive rather than aggressive, and may make him think.

I would talk to your union rep - it doesn't commit you to taking the matter further than you want, and he/she may give useful support, advice and information. If it does come to tribunals etc, they will also provide free legal representation (at least, they used to). If you're not in the union, this would be a good time to join.

Have you talked to your colleagues? When I had my Boss from Hell, I broke down in tears in the office one day and discovered nobody else could stand her either - not of great practical help, but I felt a bit better able to cope after that.

Why not drop everything this afternoon and join us for therapeutic rat-stabbing? Children welcome, of course. Apologies if you picked up my earlier pointer to this thread - I don't mean to hassle you.

No offence was intended to those who responded to the OP before I did - I'm just a slow typist who didn't see the earlier messages before responding.

Brockwell park a bit too far for me but appreciate teh invite ( I really need some driving lessons) I tend to use Tooting Bec and the Rookery, do you ever meet up there? Thanks for the advice everyone. I need to think up some stock responses I think so that I am not on the back foot.

drosophila, there's not exactly a regular local meet-up group as such, it's just down to someone - any of us - to start a thread suggesting a time and place. mafalda1 started the thread that culminated in the Hillside Gardens meet-up, and Blu started the Brockwell Park one.

If one of us were to start a summer meet-up thread at the Rookery or Tooting Bec we'd almost certainly get some other people along. We'd need to consider the practicalities - unless the orgasmatron's been plumbed in, there are no loos at the Rookery, and not everyone's unflustered about telling their children to use the bushes, especially next to a sign saying that vice squad surveillance cameras are watching! So perhaps Tooting might be better.

All the best with the work problem.

Last time I used a loo at the Rookery it was the one behind the cafe not the orgasmatron one but not sure if open all the time. I agree there are some shady characters around there someitmes. I think it is a known dogging site (at night) but I still love it. When you walk to the Whitehouse you can almost imagine there is no traffic no smog and I did see Neil Pearson there once!!!!

Tooting Bec is probably better though. i will give it some thought.