So I've just seen the Best Job In The World advertised - why am I so scared of applying?

[BikeBug]

I'm really struggling with this. I think my confidence is rock bottom at the moment and while part of my brain is screaming 'yes! That is Perfect!', another big part is telling me I'm not up to it and shouldn't bother applying. I don't know what to do - apply and (hopefully) get back on the career track I want, or leave it and concentrate on being a mum to ds (14 months), working p/t and ttc baby #2...

I work p/t at the moment in a job that I don't enjoy, don't feel I 'fit in', but that has very good prospects and may be a route back to an academic job, which is what I really want to do. But I've just seen the holy grail of an academic job in my field, in my town, advertised. I've phoned them for an informal chat, and confirmed that my skills / experience / career stage are all spot on. Competition for the post is likely to be tough, and I'm scared silly that if they offer it to me I won't be up to it! Talk about getting ahead of myself. And it's advertised as full time, which is not ideal at all. And it doesn't start till October, so I would have to put off ttc #2 until after then (if I have any sense).

What would you do? Go for the great job and try and sort out family life around it, or leave it (knowing that these posts are like hens teeth) and stick with the second-best job that I have at the moment? Aargh! I know I'm getting totally ahead of myself here, but I really need some perspective.

Apply, you loon! Just feel the fear and do it anyway, as they say. All the other stuff can be sorted out if and when you get the job, but it can't be if you don't even apply.

I agree with Aloha. Holy grail jobs don't come up very often.

Apply....worry about being able to do it when you get it.

You've got nothing to lose by applying and they aren't going to give you the job unless you do.

As the saying goes you've got to be in it to win it.

You have to apply for it because you will kick yourself if you don't. If you get an interview that's great, but if you don't it doesnt matter. It's only a job, and there will be others.

Firstly you have to decide whether you want to work full time or not. If the answer is yes and you can sort out adequate childcare then go ahead and apply.

Sounds like your reluctance is definately a confidence thing if you have already said skills etc are spot on. If you go through the process you might get it and be elated. If you don't get it, hopefully it will have given you a confidence boost and also good experience for the future. You could also ask for feedback to help you with future applications.

Go for it, you don't have to make a decision unless and until you're offered it. You have nothing to lose.

I know you're right, all of you, if I don't apply I'll never know whether I could do it or not. I just suffer terribly from fear-of-being-found-out, and nothing ever seems to shift it. I guess I could work f/t for a while if I had to, and if I'm lucky enough to concieve #2 I could re-negotiate everything then... Ah, they might not even offer it to me and I'm getting all wound up for nothing. It's just such an utterly perfect job, and academic life can be very flexible (unlike NHS life where I am at the moment...). And it's local. And the pay's good. And I'd so like to go back to university work. Right, I'm going to hunt down my cv and get working on an application letter. Thank you for your words of sense and reason!

As an academic, I would say absolutely do go for it. If this is really your 'holy grail' job, knowing how the job market is (and how universities are developing) I'd say you can't realistically expect another opportunity like this to present itself within the next decade... I know so many academics with young families who are struggling with their work and lives because in order to get an academic post, they had to take one in a university away from their home base - the opportunity of a job close to home is very very precious.

In terms of how academia works, I wouldn't worry about asking yourself whether you want to work full-time just now. It's vanishingly rare for 'tenure-track' type academic jobs to be advertised as part-time. But you may well be able to negotiate a part-time role once you're in post.

As far as delaying conceiving goes - I got pregnant a month after starting my 'holy grail' academic job! Not ideal, but we all survived, and I am so glad I took this job - not just because it's a great job, but because my partner works in the same town, and that means our life is so much more do-able than for many of my academic colleagues.

Good luck!

x-posted: just want to add that I have known so many women academics who suffer from exactly that 'fear-of-being-found-out', including me - in my first job, every time my HoD wanted to speak to me, I was sure he was going to tell me to clear my office (he never did, of course!).

OTOH, I've never heard one of my male colleagues admit to 'fear-of-being-found-out'...

I think it's really crucial to admit to yourself that that fear has everything to do with the tendency of many women to be under-confident and their own harshest judges, and NOTHING to do with your abilities.

Z, thanks for the insider information, that's really helpful. My brother and his gf have just the situation you describe - he works at a university 20+ miles in one direction from their home, she works 20+ miles in the other direction... The job is tenure-track (I was on short term contracts for 9 years before getting sick of it and jumping ship). And I got pg between accepting and starting my current job, which was a financial disaster. I don't want to do that again, but I'm 36 and the biological clock is ticking very loudly. But I'm giong to apply - just have to start really talking myself up again (BB is fabulous, wonderful, masses of experience, publications, highly relevant PhD, wants to be a leader in her field etc) and stop thinking self-defeating thoughts.

And I agree about the Fear being a woman thing - I had a great mentor in my first office job who really tried hard to get that into my brain, and to get me running projects without worrying that I wasn't living up to some mythical standard of perfect. It hasn't silenced the inner voice, but it has given me some good arguments to use against myself. I just have to get my sleep-deprived brain into positive mode and get going. Thank you!

I was 35 when I got my dream job - which is why I carried on trying to get pregnant, I'd been trying for ages and couldn't bear to stop (it was my first baby - the complications of academic life, including a series of posts that involved hideous commutes, had made me delay it longer than I wanted to). And although telling my new HoD that I was going to be off on maternity leave within the year was scary, I've never regretted either taking the job, or having the baby!

From your mention of the NHS, I'm guessing that you'd be hoping to work in a medical school - I'm in a very different field, but know several women in the med school at my institution who work part-time, and it seems to be accepted as normal and unproblematic within the instutional culture here.

Really hope it all works out for you.

Go for it! You can make the decisions once you know if you've got it - doesn't sound like it would be impossible to sort things by any means! What sort of age gap were you thinking of between your kids? FWIW I know a very senior academic who has two kids who she always manages to collect/take to school and does lots of homework with them. She takes loads of work home, works "shifts" at weekends with DP taking childcare in turns and makes sure she schedules meetings to fit in with the kids. Her kids don't lose out at all! If it's quite a research based post you should be able to do lots from home and maybe just take a sabattical when no. 2 comes along? Good luck!