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Difficult colleague

5 replies

FedUpEffedOff · 21/05/2018 13:41

Been in this role for 9 months - enjoyable but very challenging work. Two of us, plus one line manager. LM and teammate very buddy-buddy - go to get breakfast together, make each other cups of tea etc. (I get my own brekkie and don't drink tea/coffee). I get on with my LM but find my teammate a bit difficult. She's nice enough but we're very different and don't have a lot in common so chit-chat is difficult. I also find her very passive-aggressive towards me in terms of work specific issues.

Late last year she had an early miscarriage. We were all gutted for her (just LM and I knew) and, I hope, were supportive when she came back. Just into New Year I discovered I was pregnant - an unexpected surprise. I am now 25 weeks and teammate announced recently she is also pregnant again and is 19 weeks along.

Thing is, she doesn't seem to like discussing anything pregnancy-related with me or in front of me. Am I being paranoid, or is she somehow annoyed that I am also pregnant - and slightly further along so all the maternity leave arrangements etc are coming up in relation to me and not her? Or AIBU and it's all down to her being cautious and private, given her previous miscarriage - which is understandable.

Anyone else had difficult work relationships during pregnancy? To be honest, I find her so difficult to be around that I am literally counting the days until my mat leave starts....

OP posts:
marjorie25 · 21/05/2018 18:48

Me thinks you are being paranoid. Pray you do not have a miscarriage, because then you would know the utter devastation that some people go through when losing a baby.
She is being careful because she fully understand that anything can happen at any time. Maybe some days her thoughts are on the baby would have been x or y by now.
Until you walk in someone else's shoes it is hard to understand the pain they go through when things happen.
So yes it is not all about you.

Bombardier25966 · 21/05/2018 19:13

You're being unreasonable. It's not all about you.

FedUpEffedOff · 21/05/2018 19:22

Okay, thanks. That's helpful to know.

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Shattered04 · 22/05/2018 09:25

If she's only recently announced, then she's definitely very anxious about it (been there myself, kept it hidden as long as possible)

Fertility issues can cause all sorts of irrational but very very real feelings. I have been lucky in that I've not had to work with the lovely pregnant women (who were my friends) that my mind decided to fixate on, so there was never a problem. It may have been different if I'd been seeing them daily.

Even getting pregnant and subsequently having a baby doesn't always erase those feelings. It may well be that as you are further along, she feels that it should have been her going on maternity etc first - she will most probably still be carrying a lot of grief over her loss. Unintentionally, you're most likely a daily reminder.

With DC2, I'd had two previous losses, and I knew my colleague (who was also a good friend) was TTC. I even gave her advice, as she had been DTD at the wrong time. Thank goodness we both got pregnant the same week or I dread to think what might have happened - and I'd been helping her!

FedUpEffedOff · 22/05/2018 11:42

Shattered, thank you. Obviously I don't know for sure but that does sound pretty reasonable. It's good to learn from your experience.

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