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Original poster

Back at work - dd 20 weeks - feeling guilty - support needed!

18 replies

thentherewasthree · 17/05/2007 19:46

I went back to work when dd was 17 weeks, it was always the plan but has been much harder than I thought. Please has anyone else gone back when their baby was so little - feeling very guilty!!!

OP posts:
JoanCrawford · 17/05/2007 19:55

bump . Not gone back to work myself but wanted to bump this. The guilt thing must be very hard. I'm sure there are many positives both for yourself and the baby. Hope someone comes along soon

gemmiegoatlegs · 17/05/2007 19:57

i went back whenndd was 19 weeks. Don't berate yourself, you HAVE to earn the pennies and you will always be the most important person in her life. Give it some time and you will both settle into your new routine...and even if you decided you can/will be a SAHM, at least you will know that you gave it a chance. I stayed at home withds until he was 17 months and it was so much harder to get him used to going to cm and even playing with other kids. I know all kids have different temperaments, but it may not be a coincidence that dd who has had cm since 19 weeks is now a nearly 2 years old social butterfly. She is very strong and confident and i think a lot has to do with the different experiences she has had. HTH

alexw · 17/05/2007 19:59

Yes!! My dd was 17 weeks when I went back to work full time. She is now 2.4 and is so happy and confident due to her nursery. Don't feel guilty!!! I know it's hard, but each weekend will be a whole world of surprises when you realise just how much your dd has learnt in a week.

cornsilk · 17/05/2007 19:59

I did too. Also felt very guilty about it but had no choice at the time. Try not to though, it just drains you.

Taylormama · 17/05/2007 19:59

I went back when DS was 26 weeks - how has your DD settled with her carer? This makes a biiiiig difference to how you feel i think. DS has thrived since he has been at nursery ...

Original poster
thentherewasthree · 17/05/2007 20:23

Thanks so much guys. The silly thing is she absolutely loves her nursery - and the staff are wonderful. I just feel bad cos she is so much smaller than the other babies.

OP posts:
Original poster
thentherewasthree · 17/05/2007 20:29

and also - she keeps getting ill! First it was a tuumy bug and now she has a cough and cold.

OP posts:
dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/05/2007 20:32

yes . felt guilty, yes, but dd2 always so happy, i stop myself from running little movies in my head about how sad it might be for her because it isnt. she's lovely and has been developing lovely, and she benefits because she gets exposure to many different things.

dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/05/2007 20:32

she catches it at nursery. ask them to open the window in the class more.

Original poster
thentherewasthree · 17/05/2007 21:01

Another mum told me the other day at nursery that i had 'gone back to work far too soon'. So cross (and a bit upset).

OP posts:
dontwanttogetoutofbed · 17/05/2007 21:04

DON't listen to what other mothers have to say. they have no idea who you are and why you chose to work or not. she obviously was in a bad mood and taking it out on you.

skibump · 17/05/2007 21:05

that's not fair, she doesn't know anything about it. I'm a SAHM, but I do notice that ds is a bit more reticent with other kids than those I know at nurseries

pointydog · 17/05/2007 21:16

I went back to work when dds were 5 months.

It was fine and they're lovely if that's any help

Original poster
thentherewasthree · 17/05/2007 21:30

I know that i am happier at work - and that she is happy at the nursery. the big smile she gives me when she sees me at home time is the best thing in the world. It's funny, i think the thing that bothers me most is other people's opinions - that people will be saying i am a bad mum / don't care etc.

OP posts:
pointydog · 18/05/2007 16:32

ANother thing occured to me. It's often much more difficult if you go back to work when they are 9-12+ months as the whole separation anxiety starts. That would be much more stressful.

Original poster
thentherewasthree · 18/05/2007 17:22

that's true - at least she is settled in now before she really knows what it what! thanks!

OP posts:
yogimum · 18/05/2007 17:44

my ds went to nursery one day a week from 4 months only because I needed a break as DH works away for months at a time. I couldn't believe how hard it was and I always picked him up early. He absolutely loves it as the staff are so lovely with him, actually one paticular girl impressed me so much that she was the deciding factor that I would leave him there. Ignore other peoples remarks!

HonoriaGlossop · 18/05/2007 18:07

I know it's easy to say but feeling guilty is pointless. Don't allow yourself to wander down those thought pathways if there's going to be no positive change as a result of it. Either you can change things, and go part time or stay at home, or you can't; and if you can't then there's no point letting yourself think that way.

Try repeating the same thought each time you get guilty feelings, whatever is true for you eg, "I can't change things so I'm going to accept things how they are".

If you can change things, and you want to, then start making plans and DO it!

Best of luck.

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