Hi
Was wondering if someone could advise.
I have worked for my current employer for 19 months. Its notorious for treat staff badly.
Last october i left my abusive husband after he raped me. The department i worked in were supportive and allowed me to change working hours etc.
In january, it was announced our department was closing. All 200 of us needed to be moved around the company. I managed to find, apply and be offered a position in a different department. The job was different, but same level.
My new department needed more staff. My managers (in old and new department) left me in charge of moving the new staff. With no support or help.
We all moved over. This was a stressful time as we were preparing to be moved it was announced we would be made redundant if we didnt find anything.
During this time i had to deal with my ex trashing the house we owned, a very stressful sale and being made homeless (i am currently sleeping on a sofa with my son at a friends).
The new department is very stressful. Lots of bickering between managers, senior managers are very strict on sickness and gossip about people on sick. They can be really quite rude whilst calling it 'strong'.
As its worked out i ended up very anxious all the time and breaking down in tears (which my manager made clear made me appear weak and she wasnt happy) i went off sick. The doctor signed me off with anxiety and depression.
Work appear supportive on the phone, but made it clear they need me back asap. I had a bad weekend and feel horrendous today. Today is the day i should phone in, i cant face it. So emailed my manager to ask if i could call her tomorrow and explained how bad I feel. She rang me within minutes. I now darent check my email qnd feel like i just want to hand my notice in and not go back. The thought of talking to them or even going back is making me panic. I cant leave as I cant afford it and am in the middle of buying a house so would screw my mortgage application over.
I have booked another doctors appointment, but just dont know what to do. I feel like my life is so shit theres no point in being alive. I feel like work are putting so much stress on me and know they will all be talking about me, i just cant face dealing with them. But i cant afford to be offf either.
Any advice would be appreciated.