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Approached about "possible" harassment need advice!

6 replies

needgoodadvicehr · 15/05/2018 02:40

I've name changed for this though I'm overseas and I'm sure no one on here would know me but even so!

So for background my DH owns a company and I also work there. We're in canada with Canadian staff but both brits if it makes a difference but I'm sure the general rules are not dissimilar so I'm seeking advice from anyone experienced in HR issues who can advise how to best manage this.

So I also work in this company but am not strictly "senior management" and work / sit "on the floor" with other staff. Work in a fairly close knit team in my department and have developed what I consider friendships (even though we're all aware of my "bosses wife " position which prob puts me slightly outside the really good work friends area if that makes sense. I'm also 10 years older than most of the team (90% female) I work with but like to think they find me approachable and trust me and I think sometimes talk to me abt work things they don't want to talk to DH about or HR as the know I have an "in" and could possibly help them - again hope that makes sense.

Anyway today the woman I sit beside who is in a quite senior role and is ambitious and a great employee, approached me and showed me an email from another (male) employee that was a work email "sorry if I caused you extra stress with my recent demands" but also said "if the only relationship we can have is a work one I want it to be a good one"

I saw this as him wanting to say THAT part disguised as a work email.
She told me it's not the first time, he emails her to say she looks good , that sort of thing.

For even more fun background, she is in a long term relationship but It is well known (I've heard from multiple) that he has a huge thing for her. So either he's told others this or made it obvious. She told me she knew that as she has also been told. We talked about how people discussing you in that context was extremely uncomfortable as a professional woman especially.

So when she first told me abt this email today it was presented in a more "wtf how crazy is this" way by her but after considering all day I messaged her tonight to tell her that as both an employer wanting to make sure she wasn't made to feel uncomfortable at work and also as a friend that I felt this should be dealt with and we should talk about how and made it clear that it would not be dismissed

I don't THINK she wants to immediately go the HR complaint route as has to work with this person daily. So we talked about if she felt able to actually tell him herself to stop and that it's making her uncomfortable (she said she usually just ignores him when he does this ) and use that as a first step.

But as an employer now I want to do the right HR thing and support her and help her deal with this. I don't want her to feel the onus is on her to deal with this but also don't want to do anything official without her agreeing to do so.

Does anyone have any insight about this? I like this woman and she admitted after talking to me she realized she's quite upset about it, feels tense when she has to talk to him about work etc- so also as an employer I understand we have an obligation to her to manage this

Sorry for the long post and hope it makes sense

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MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2018 02:53

The rules are very different in Canada so I'm not sure how much help UK HR types will be.

If you're in BC there's a lawyer referral service and other services in other provinces.

flumpybear · 15/05/2018 02:53

I can't really see an issue here, he's clearly made his feelings known, she must have said no off the back of the email he wrote to her and he's now saying it's a work relationship .... I'd be worried if he was constantly asking ember out and she kept saying no and he wasn't listening but what I've read above he seems to 'get it' she's not interested

needgoodadvicehr · 15/05/2018 02:57

@MrsTerryPratchett I suppose the point is that I can't imagine the employment "rules" are really so different that someone couldn't give me some advice - especially in this day and age in another commonwealth country I expect there are pretty similar "lines" and "obligations" for employers

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needgoodadvicehr · 15/05/2018 03:00

@flumpybear I'm not sure what you're saying. The issue is he clearly DOESNT get it. This has been going on for AT LEAST a year during which she's never given any impression she's interested, has ignored his verging on inappropriate emails and has been in a relationship.
The actual point is that he continues to make her feel uncomfortable and I'm asking what as an employer should I be doing if she's now felt that need to bring it up having ignored for so long.

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needgoodadvicehr · 15/05/2018 03:02

@flumpybear and to clarify he's kept it low level - comments on her appearance, emails asking if he's upset her, a slow build up that she has felt when taken as individual instances that she'd be "overreacting " if she said or did anything. Isn't that how it starts? He's also told others how he feels, they gossip and laugh about it, that is upsetting to her as a professional as well to be subject to office gossip when she's not even a party to any thing

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needgoodadvicehr · 15/05/2018 03:04

@MrsTerryPratchett also we have an employment lawyer if we need one- we're not there yet. I'm asking about supporting her if she feels she wants too

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