Big pay cut for part time work? Worth it? Help!

[Mummabear10]

Hi All,

I am new to Mumsnet and am looking for a little advice. Sorry if it is an essay! Thank you if you read.

I currently work full time, 38hours per week, with the commute it is more like 45 hours per week that I am out of the house. My partner also works full time and we have a 3 year old who attends nursery full time :-( which I feel guilty about.

My partner has a lot of issues at the moment that cause a lot of stress which I wont bore you with. He does not help with any chores or day to day childcare like bath time, bedtime, activities. I also manage any household jobs etc. He is also very poor with money.

I feel burnt out! I know thats life and people have it worse but I am constantly exhusted. I am not being a good employee or mother. I am pulled in too many directions. I had a severe anxiety attack at work last year which my doctor attributes to grief after loosing my Mum however daily stressors certainly built up.

I have just been offered an Admin position in the NHS for 25hours on Minimum wage close to home and I am tempted to take it. My close friends think I should take it for more balance. However I have had a few comments I would be mad to give up my current salary (27k) and will never earn it again.

Deep down I think I should take it, money isn't everything however these comments have give me doubts. To top it off I am worried my current employer will be really annoyed when I give my notice in & give me a bad reference. I do my job well but have had 10 absences over 18months. 5 after my panic attack ( I was signed off for 30 day's & gave HR a fit not but returned early after pressure from my employer) 2 when I had a corneal ulcer, and 3 for illness involving my child.

Any opinion's on my situation would be appreciated.

Does it have to be one or the other? Maybe applying for jobs is more stress than you need right now but you could look for better paying part-time work, or look at reduced hours/job share for your current job? Take care of yourself either way

I've done almost exactly the same as you and haven't once regretted it. Yes we have less money, but what we have gained is so valuable. You sound like you're going to run yourself into the ground if you carry on. I was too and am now busy of course as life always is, but my mental health and relationship with partner, children etc is so much better.

Reference wise if they were emergency childcare related for the children there isn't a lot they can say. Every employee has absences for one reason or another. I always used to have to list how many occasions for absence but never why or my opinions on it.

In your shoes, I’d get your partner to step up and take on a more equal share of the household tasks. That will probably help you feel less burnt out.

Why doesn't your partner do more?

Thank you for your replies :) To answer a few questions my partner is an alcoholic unfortunately and is in treatment. I dont want my child to be unhappy to tend to keep a brave face on things and take everything on myself. To be honest as a couple we are at breaking point.

In my current role I have asked for part-time/job share etc. and it has been declined. My role has lots of deadlines and account management that really do call for a full time person.

I have been looking and applying for jobs daily for 6 months. It seems a well paid job within my skill set in my area is like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Thank you beansanssausages thats really reassuring!

Ah shit sorry thsts tough. Does he work and is his job at risk?

Yet if he loses his job you’ll be working fewer hours on minimum wage. Which will impact your child.
Maybe not now but definitely when they’re older and the lack of cash restricts their opportunities. Can some of your 27K pay for a cleaner/au pair to help you with your child and house jobs?

Yes he works and is quite high up in his job. I dont think he job is at risk just yet he has admitted the problem and has sought help its just a stressful time. Tbh I dont know where my money goes! After bills,food, nursery, travel, clothes etc I dont have much although I am comfortable. God I am in two minds! I was thinking of doing this for a few years then moving back to full time, although I know its not that simple..

I personallly wouldn’t - it sounds like a reaction to the extreme stress, understandably, rather than a positive career move for you.
If you believe your DHs alcoholism is treatable, then this is hopefully a short(ish) phase. I would be looking to make Work as easy as possible in whatever way you can, apply to work from home a few days a week for eg, and getting paid help around the house - cleaner, ironing, gardener, or whatever you need.
the p/t job will come with its own stresses, and while your home situation is tough having the regular income and a familiar job might be best.
Are you getting any support/counselling? Living with an alcoholic is hell. If you can also fit in some self care, whatever that looks like to you, you should.

Also, should you end up alone with your 3yo your income and career progression opportunities will be very welcome. I’m sorry that your requests for reducing hours have been declined... I would really hold out for a job in your current field/with similar salary expectations.

I did earn lots of money, had children and scaled right back and accepted a min wage job (for the nhs) working 15 hours per week 5 mins from home. I haven't regretted it.

Your child will be receiving 30 hours free childcare soon, this will allow you some time to yourself, get on top of your cleaning, have time to cook and become more shopping savvy. I have just changed jobs am now working full time, but the kids clothing, activities and childcare eat into money as nursery costs do with little ones. But as your child goes to school, are you going to want to miss out on play days with friends? Plays assemblies etc all these things I have not missed because I took the career break.

I can't imagine ever earning that money again, but I am less stressed, have a good work life balance, I've enjoyed hanging out at the park after school in good weather and I would never consider a long commute again. Life is too short and if you can afford to take the career break, it will no doubt improve your life immeasurably.

In your circs i wouldnt.
Jobs are not easy to find and the issues with your partner mean prioritising financial security.

I have just literally halved my income for a better work/ life balance. I have 4 teenagers ( one of whom currently needs extra support after a tragic bereavement), 2 dogs and an a dh who works full time with a longer commute. I do have the option to do some work in my old job on a zero hours basis though.

Thank you so much for all of your replies!

I explained to my potential new employer that the pay was too low and the upped their offer! Its not loads but much better. I have to let them know next week and think I will be saying yes :-)