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Original poster

HR/employee rights advice please?

12 replies

PuddingPie16 · 09/05/2018 15:28

I am looking for HR advice please regarding a strange and difficult situation at work. I will try to be as straight to the point as possible!

I work in a big business (head office) and
found out I was pregnant last year. I had to tell my Manager earlier than I wanted as I had a scare. Before I had my 12 week scan, she informed me that she would have to tell someone else in my team I was pregnant as they would be upset as they cannot have children naturally(I worked out who - small team). I said that is fine but not before my 12 week scan. My Manager ignored this and told her before my scan and this person got upset. She struggled to cope with me being pregnant and also had a failed IVF attempt. She then refused to come into work (worked from home) until I went on to mat leave. I was then pushed onto early mat leave (it was clear they were struggling without having her in the office) and made to feel guilty and pressured about my pregnancy by her and my Manager.
I have recently returned and apparently this person is not happy I am back - she informed a colleague she was not comfortable. The team has also expanded and are aware of her situation (she has told everyone) and it is clear I am not able to talk freely about my baby. To be clear, I would never constantly do this but I shouldn't have to pretend he does not exist or where I have been for the best part of a year!

I know what she is going through must be horrible and I can see why pregnancy/a baby must be hard to hear of but I feel very secluded and guilty. I also don't know of anyone who has been through this. I want to mention this to my Manager but she clearly has been very slack in handling this. Therefore, I am unsure what to do? I don't think it falls under bullying but I do feel like I need to do something.

Any advice please? To be clear, it has gone past sitting down with this person and talking. I did this at the beginning of the pregnancy. I am looking for more HR tips and how to approach resolution.

OP posts:

Hogtini · 09/05/2018 15:35

Crikey this sounds bonkers. I'm all for sensitivity and some tact but this sounds way beyond. Surely it falls under sexual discrimination? Have you spoken to ACAS?
I wonder what would happen if she had a child would you be expected to forget all this happened? I think she and the management need to put their professional heads on here, it's not fair for everyone to be on eggshells.

Asdf12345 · 09/05/2018 15:40

Sounds like a nightmare. Could this be the chance for one of you to get promoted out of there?

Original poster

PuddingPie16 · 09/05/2018 15:43

Thanks Hogtini..glad I am not going insane and it is as bonkers as it sounds.
Apologies but who are ACAS?
Well, she did get pregnant through IVF and wanted to hear all about my pregnancy but then sadly miscarried very early and then didn't want to speak to be again .
This is exactly what I have been told by a couple of friends I have told but clearly it is not happening. I didn't want to have to escalate it upon my return but it is just as bad (she apparently says she hates pregnant women and 'new' Mums but when the baby is older then she is fine with it

OP posts:

Original poster

PuddingPie16 · 09/05/2018 15:45

Asdf12345 I wish! I have gone back part-time in a 'spare part' role (bored to tears already but management have over-recruited in our team so they just had to find me something to do...) and there is nowhere to be promoted to...

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Happygummibear · 09/05/2018 15:54

That is ridiculous. I got pregnant when i.knew a colleague had had miscarriages
However I wasn't told to be quiet.

If this other person is struggling to deal with it perhaps they need to be offered counselling. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for being pregnant or having a baby.

I would think that this is discrimination. Yes if you were bleating on about it 24/7 then the manager might ask you to take it down several notches and be mindful of others but it doesn't sound like you doing that at all.

Acas is a free employment helpline who offer advice etc for the workplace

TheMerryWidow1 · 09/05/2018 15:59

this is ridiculous, I can't have children but would never expect someone not to talk about their baby or children, life goes on. I think you need to speak to your HR/Manager you have rights too.

Liefster · 09/05/2018 16:01

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I work in HR and the first issue for me is that your manager was completely inappropriate by telling your colleague you were pregnant before you'd had your scan when you specifically asked her not to. I think it was very good of you to agree for her to tell your colleague in the first place as although she is clearly going through a very tough time, your pregnancy has no bearing on hers (I hope that doesn't sound insensitive in any way, it's hard to demonstrate the right tone when it's written down!)

You said you have already had an informal chat before you went on maternity leave (I hope I've understood that correctly?) but I would ask to meet with them both again to try and resolve it as I assume that initial chat was quite a while ago. If that fails to work, you could raise a grievance against both your colleague and your manager as you have said here that you feel excluded since returning to work and made to feel like you can't talk about your baby. This isn't fair. While you of course want to be sensitive to your colleague, your baby is a huge part of your life and you cannot be expected to avoid the topic (nor should you have to). I think your manager is handling this really poorly too so if it's possible, you would need to submit a grievance to your manager's manager. If you're not sure how to do this you can ask your HR dept for the grievance policy.

It might feel frustrating having a chat with them again but at least that way you can show that you have tried to resolve it informally.

I hope this helps?

BakedBeans47 · 09/05/2018 18:18

That’s a form of bullying.

Say to HR they will need to take her in hand and sort it out or you will raise a grievance. I understand fertility issues must be really difficult but that kind of behaviour is not acceptable in the workplace.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 18:22

Bullying centred on a protected characteristic!! I am applaud you were treated this way. Your line manager is clearly shit! I have no advice but I’m so angry for you!

weebarra · 09/05/2018 18:35

Completely unacceptable. A member of my team has been going through unsuccessful fertility treatment and has been off sick as another member of staff has announced her pregnancy. I contacted my team member to let her know so that she didn't find out unexpectedly when she returned to work.
Obviously I will also be very sensitive to her distress but being around pregnant people can't be avoided.

IrenetheQuaint · 09/05/2018 18:40

Usually I roll my eyes when posters on MN suggest going to HR (often over very minor issues that should be resolved within the team), but in this case you would be 100% justified in doing so.

Original poster

PuddingPie16 · 09/05/2018 22:46

Thank you everyone for your comments. I was a bit apprehensive and thought I may get a few eye rolls but it is great to see you would all feel the same.
I have a one-to-one next week with my Manager and first one being back so I will be more assertive about the situation and how serious I am about taking my concerns higher and monitor it over the next couple of weeks and then speak to HR.
Thanks again everyone. You have made me feel a bit better about an utterly cr*p situation.

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