Workplace bullying

[user764329056]

I am in a situation where management have verbally agreed i am being bullied and want me to start a formal grievance process which fills me with dread, has anyone been through this please?

It's stressful, why do they want you to be the one starting a grievance, don't get pulled into doing their dirty work for them if they have had complaints about a bully. Do you have a union rep, I would speak to ACAS or union first, what do you and they want from a grievance, is the bully still there and have they suggested mediation or a formal complaint first. What are they doing about the bully.

It is a stressful process and be warned that those that are supportive to start with can often change through the process. It can also be a lengthy process and make things uncomfortable but it doesn't mean you shouldn't go through with it.

Do you know why they've suggested this process when they agree you are correct?

Definitely speak to ACAS, and don't agree to anything until they've given you time to read and understand the full grievance policy and outlined what support you'll receive during the process.

I've seen this kind of situation before where a bully has been a problem for a while but the bully's own line manager hasn't stepped on it and they've been waiting for someone to make a complaint so they can get rid of the bully, could that be the case here?

Definitely speak to ACAS first, just for impartial advice. I'm in HR and have seen a number of grievances help situations, but obviously the result can vary widely, from apologies to people leaving the business.
Anyone going into anything like this should have a goal in mind, what do you want from the process, if you are genuinely happy to make a stand and have that person potentially leave, then go for it, if it's more hassle than it's worth, perhaps just talk to HR and ask for mediation (don't put anything in writing when you request this).
Worst case scenario and you're formally invited to a meeting, don't turn up!
Good luck!

I tried to stand up to a workplace bully and I raised a grievance. I ended up having a breakdown and I’ve been off work for 6 months. The bully is being rewarded with special training. I’m now having to move jobs because it’s likely that the bully will retaliate if I return to my job.
Few organisations are genuinely willing to deal with bullying. It sucks.

Thank you so much for the replies, things have reached crisis point now and I need to either file a formal grievance or hand in my notice, I have never been in this position before and feel completely out of my depth, am preoccupied by feelings of dread and fear which is probably just what the bully hopes for so try not to show my vulnerability at work, we are in the same office and the atmosphere is hideous. I am going to contact ACAS before making any decision but can’t put it off much longer

I am in a situation where management have verbally agreed i am being bullied and want me to start a formal grievance process which fills me with dread, has anyone been through this please?

I'm actually confused by what you've said here.

A grievance is used to formally highlight something is going wrong in the workplace, normally because management haven't recognised the problem. Grievances are stressful and time consuming.

You've said that management have agreed you are being bullied, yet they still want you to go through the anxiety of a grievance process? Are they pulling your chain? If they've accepted you've been treated badly then they have the power and responsibility to resolve the matter and ensure you are put to safety, not expose you to even more stress.

I'd be challenging them on this.

User - get signed off for a bit and use the time to think. Any decision you make now will be influenced by how overwhelmed you feel right now. I’ve been exactly where you are.

bullyonline.org/index.php/bullies/5-serial-bully
I found this website really helpful for understanding more about bullying. I bet it feels very personal just now, but the situation is a reflection of the bully’s shortcomings not yours.

Sorry you are going through this OP- it is awful.

I was also encouraged to make a formal complaint under similar circumstances. Unfortunately the person who wanted to do this was then promoted to a higher level and went from supporting me to trying to dismiss it as a personality clash and becoming friends with the bully. I tried to stand up to the bullying person- and ended up being ill and having to leave a job I loved and was good at. Despite the bully having form and known to be difficult, with people regularly leaving the department, no-one stood up for me or supported me. It was a very lonely place and still really upsets me now.

I would read the 'bullyonline' page- that is virtually word for word what happened to me.

If I were you, I wouldn't go down this route. Your employers are using you as a means to discipline the person- they are not doing it for your benefit, otherwise they would have found a way to help you already. I would look for another job and then leave.

Don't hand your notice in until you have a new job.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the replies as my mind is so foggy because of all this.

As PP said, it feels as if i’m doing management’s dirty work, they have acknowledged it’s bullying so why can’t they do the right thing themselves instead of me being the fall guy? They have enough evidence so could take action without my name specifically being used as ‘x has started a formal grievance’ which makes me hugely vulnerable, exactly as you say daisychain. This is all so confusing, I know I can’t stay as things are and will have to leave if management don’t do as they should, they’ve ignored this situation for years and have verbally admitted that a string of people have left the company due to this particular person, so why have they not been dealt with and it’s up to me to put my name in the frame as the one who is bringing it all to a head? Am letting this rule my life at the moment and need to find resolution and peace in my head to stop all the anxiety. Thanks again to everyone who has given their time to reply, it really means a lot xxx

they’ve ignored this situation for years and have verbally admitted that a string of people have left the company due to this particular person, so why have they not been dealt with and it’s up to me to put my name in the frame as the one who is bringing it all to a head?

General rule of thumb, the reason management turn a blind eye is that the bully is useful to the organisation and has difficult to replace skills and knowledge. They don't necessarily have to be particularly senior, but they will always be someone management would have difficulty replacing. Often they are a long standing employee, with many years service history and the people they drive out of the organisation are just 'collateral damage'.

Sounds like they want evidence to get rid of them imo

It seems a complete waste of an employee's time, and places the risk wholly on them to have to submit a formal grievance when management surely have all the evidence they need from numerous situations prior to the OPs current circumstances. That's why I'd be pushing back if I were in the OPs situation, and challenging them as to why the OP needs to do anything other than focus on their day job, given management's acknowledgement of the problem.

Sorry you are going through this op.

Thank you again everyone, unfortunately I have to sit next to this person so the atmosphere is unbearable, they have been with the company many years, I am new, they said ‘this has been a long time coming’ and I think I shouldn’t be the fall guy here, they have collected supporting statements from other colleagues and one attests to the fact that previous employees have left because of the actions of this particular person. Am dreading tomorrow, tried to switch off over this bank hol weekend but haven’t been able to

It is really unfair they have put you in this position. I really wouldn't do it- you will get caught in the crossfire. (This happened to me). I would start looking for another job.

Thank you golden, I really don’t think I can start the grievance, this person is the type to retaliate in ways that frighten me, very calculating and I think they would do things outside the workplace to intimidate me

If you can, go off sick, I say can because I realise this can have pay implications, but it seems that your health is suffering and you have a lot of anxiety, which is completely normal for your situation, just very unpleasant and I feel for you!
You need a break and to get away from work for a while, so if not sick leave (you can sign yourself off for 5 days if you work mon-fri, so no need for a note) then take some holiday. If your work also has extra benefits I'd highly recommend going through their employee assistance programme where you can talk to someone impartial about how you can help the situation, perhaps some techniques/ programmes to help deal with stress, CBT for example?
Hope this helps and your problem gets resolved!
X

Thank you Jackie, definitely good for thought

Sorry, I meant thank you Jacko, not Jackie!