Arg, I can't bear it - when do they stop crying when you drop them off at nursery?

[MissGolightly]

Title says it all really - I am going back to work this month and feeling quite positive about using my atrophied brain but it is tearing my heart out that DS sobs every time I drop him off at nursery.

I think I had a false sense of security because he LOVED the first few settling in sessions, raced away to play and wouldn't come away when I came to collect him. However now he seems to have worked out that this is permanent and cries bitterly every time I drop him off. When I left him this morning he was bawling and completely inconsolable.

Does it get better? WHEN?

Sob sob.

Nearly 13 months.

have you asked the staff how long he cries for after you leave? When i was going around looking for a nursery for DS, a man was dropping his baby off, baby cried and cried, dad walked out of the door looking really distressed. As soon as dad was gone, baby stopped crying and started playing with toys.

I don't know Browncat - I'll ask when I go back this PM.

They always say he's been fine when I come to collect him - but I have a sneaking suspicion they just say that to make me feel better!

he is probably just adjusting to it -esp if he has had you for over a year. I've heard it gets better and then they love it (crosses fingers as going back to work next month, DS going into nursery soon)

my little boy cried from about 9 months then as he got older he would cling to me and whinge but all the time as soon as i left he stopped and was then fine all day.

It broke my heart every time we left dd at nursery, she would sob, cling to me and my clothes, scream and look at me like I'd completely betrayed her. We tried everything including me going in every morning for a week to play with her and leaving a little earlier each time. It got so bad we handed in her "notice" to leave and that very day they rang me at work to say she had been fabulous and could they have my permission to film her so we could see how happy she was?

The hard times lasted almost 2 months, some days better than others, but at that point she was going one full day a week - the change in her mood coincided with us changing her hours to two mornings a week - less time between visits - she now loves it and we dont even got a kiss goodbye at the door.

Speak to the staff, see what they recommend - they probably see this all the time. Good luck x

Thanks for the support everyone.

I have asked the staff about it but they seem to think it's completely normal - and I don't have any yardstick for comparison because DS is the only one in his age group who has just started, all the others have been there from about 6 or 9 months.

I used to think those nurseries where they have web-cams for the parents were the last word in pretentiousness but now I would love to be able to log on and see how DS is doing!

Sigh...

Most children stop crying once the parents have gone, so although it's hard for you to see that they are upset while you are there, if the nursery is saying that he settles after you've gone, it's probably true. I found that mine went through a stage of crying when I picked them up at the end of the day, which made me think that they'd been crying all day. But they hadn't - apparently they sometimes go through a stage of only realising you've been away when you come back (if that makes sense!) But at least you're there for them then. Don't want to make you worry about that happening, but just thought I'd let you know incase it happens to you.

when I was a childminder, if any new children cried when their parents left I always told the parents to wait in the hall and listen

95% of the time time the child had stopped crying within seconds!!!!!!