staff development days and reasonable expectations

[decidedlydizzy]

My department had a staff development day last year (think "fun" quizzes, group activities etc..) and I had a really bad time of it and it made me ill. I hate these type of things, am generally down about work anyway and some other personal factors contributed. We have another development day in a few weeks and I emailed the department manager to say that I really don't want to attend as I don't want to be ill/stressed again. Their response is that it's not optional and it's been arranged to align with my working pattern (I work part time) and that they have liaised with me to take on board my reservations and proposals (we did have a meeting after the event and she was quite good about asking me what they could do to accommodate me). It's making me well up just thinking about having to go but she mentions reasonable expectations and taking an active part. The tone of the email was quite curt and that's upset me now as well. I'm wondering if she's annoyed and thinks I can't be arsed to go. I know it might be different this time but I REALLY don't want to go. I'm worried now that if I don't go this will jeopardise my position here. am I obliged to attend even though it might make me ill again? Advise please?

It made you ill? What on Earth were you all doing last time?

If it’s physically challenging stuff or something, could you get a medical note excusing you from doing particular activities?

"it's been arranged to align with my working pattern (I work part time) and that they have liaised with me to take on board my reservations and proposals (we did have a meeting after the event and she was quite good about asking me what they could do to accommodate me). "

Assuming that's true, I'm not surprised she's a bit curt when you've said you don't want to come!

Many people hate these but it's difficult to imagine what they could be asking you to do that is so bad it makes you ill, particularly if they've taken your concerns into account! Everyone's job sometimes includes stuff they dislike, and it's one day a year. I'd say refusing to attend is likely to be career-limiting, yes.

If they've taken on board your reservations about the last event, why not give them a chance by going along and taking part to see if they have kept to their commitment.

Was it over-competitive? Were you subjected to some sort of bullying or humiliation? Some of these 'team building' type events can be intimidating when you have a bunch of highly competitive pushy alpha-Male types (men and women) mixed in with more introverted personalities- unfortunately they can create division and demotivating which is quite ironic.

The key thing is for the organisers to cater to different personalities in the workplace, within reason and to have good facilitation to ensure things don't get out of hand. For you to have been distressed from the last event, there must have been something awful going on there!

If they have listened to your concerns and tried to accommodate you, then I'm sorry, but I think YABU. You can't just opt out because you don't like that kind of thing.

In what way did the last day make you ill? Do you mean ill because of stress or something else?

You have my sympathy OP, these type of events are awful. They are a massive struggle for some employees for lots of reasons (ASC, anxiety or just being introverted for example) and sadly employers don't seem to realise that they often do more harm than good.

I hate them too, but I think it's one of those times where you have to grit your teeth and put up with it. It would be reasonable to ask if you could sit some individual activities out if you find them upsetting. I've done this on occasion and it's hardly been noticed - just say apologetically 'I'm going to have to sit this one out, I'm afraid.'

thanks for the feedback. Yes it made me anxious, stressed and I pretty much had to sit there in floods of tears as I felt obliged to stay when all I wanted to do was run away & keep running. Several staff could see I was struggling, one or two were sympathetic, one wanted me to reassure her that it wasn't her that had upset me, and my manager did come over to me and I told her that I couldn't cope. It's not just "not liking" these things but I'm worried now that due to what happened last time the worry of it happening again is more worrying than the actual thing ifyswim? I have done loads of these in the past and enjoyed them ironically enough. It's making me teary just thinking about it so god knows how I'll feel on the day.

decidedlydizzy and others - hopefully to make you feel a whooooole heap better, you are definitely not alone in finding these "development days" a dreadful ordeal.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3225282-aibu-or-are-team-building-events-really-f-cking-awful?trending=1

This ^ thread is running atm, and you can tell those who suffer with anxiety being thrown into the melee, don't enjoy it at all.

I think there should be a law against them

If I want to do a team event, I give people the option of a meal or an internally run half-day with some food. Running a "team build" for 50-100 people is counter-productive!

Hopefully you can come to a compromise with the organisers/managers.

thank you daisychain & others. This has helped and that thread is brilliant. I don't as alone & I'll refer to it throughout the day if & when I need a pick up!