Feeling stressed to the max - seeing Dr today

[RosieC72]

Hello there, I need some advice.
I am suffering from stress and anxiety which my Dr is aware of. I am taking Venlafaxine and Propanolol for migraines
The reason for this is pressures at work. I work for a local authority and it feels like the work has piled and piled upon me. In addition to my work, I am studying (as part of my job) and I feel like everything is on top of me.
I have a colleague who helps me for in the afternoons, but she is the shirty, passive aggressive type and has been making snarky comments to me within the last few months. Where I have been included in drinks after work in the past, I have not been included in the e-mail she sends to everyone, that I can cope with, but her irritability with me at work and comments towards me is hard to bear.
I feel she has been talking to our line manager too, as my line manager seems to be watching me like a hawk suddenly, and pulling me up for things that she is not pulling up anyone else for. (For example chatting to a colleague about a work related project, my line manager snapped at me saying I should only talk to my colleague about this in our lunch breaks. The thing is though she is quite happy for other staff members to talk loudly in the office about their personal lives for 10 minutes or so when they should be working, and also there are colleagues that constantly make personal calls or texts during the day.
I feel like I am sinking as this pressure makes me anxious, on top of the mountain of work that I have to do, and I am already many hours over my normal flexi limit.
This weekend I could not relax at all and have been crying for most of it. I make myself physically throw up to feel better (temporarily) and I feel as though I just cannot take anymore.
I cannot face going into work this morning, I am crying a lot, I feel exhausted and and my anxiety levels are high.
I honestly feel at the moment that if I do not go back at all it might be advantageous, which upsets me as I used to like this job under previous managers, and I put my heart and soul into it. The people who I work closely with know I do a sterling job and go above and beyond. I just cannot take the anxiety anymore from the line manager.
So I am going to see my Dr today to discuss this and see if he can sign me off for a week, as well as increase my prescription dosage.
Any advice would be appreciated as I feel so down right now.
Thank you.

You’re being victimised and bullied. I would keep a log of everything now (along with associated evidence where possible.)

I think a week off sounds like a good idea.

I've been where you are, and know others in the same situation, it's terrible and all I will say is be honest with the GP.

What do you want to happen regarding work? My GP did not sign me off, I went to occupational health but they only made small recommendations which where never implemented. A few changes in management coincided with this and the pressure has not disappeared entirely but it is better.

Have you talked to your line manager about how you are feeling?

Thank you...regarding work I think that I would like this week off to get myself in a more relaxed frame of mind, then I think I will be able to proceed and look forward more clearly. That's my hope.
I haven't got the courage to approach my line manager yet about this due to my anxiety.

Thank you MrsCog... it certainly feels like that. But some days she is fine with me, complimentary even, and other days it is the complete opposite. I never see her like this with anyone else.

Have you already been off sick? Only my doctors surgery won’t sign you off unless you’ve self certified for a week first. But you should absolutely see them either way.

Re work maybe have a chat to acas for some free advice or are you in a union?

Anxiety and stress is often down to a feeling that you've lost control, as you've mentioned, the 'PA colleague' and manager are making you feel disenfranchised and isolated.

During your week off (which is a good idea), you could rebuild your inner resilience and make a plan to shake things up, and make changes to feel like you are regaining control. You don't need to mention the changes to others, these are thing you can own and manage for yourself.

For example, don't be the one to talk about personal things at work, leave that to other people. It doesn't stop you smiling at people and saying a few friendly comments at the coffee machine but the perception is "down to business".

Instead of informal "chats" about work projects, which under normal circumstances are valid, why not set up a 15 min diary slot to talk about the project. Turn it into a short meeting. I do this a lot - it turns a perceived chat into a productive meeting.

Always walk around the place with a note book and pen. Everyone thinks you're very busy, and taking notes has a strange effect on people, it makes them think you're recording stuff, maybe it's about them. . Think of other things you can change that could help you regain ground.

Key thing is, making a few changes will shake up these people who are on your case, they'll get subliminal messages that you're different, you aren't prepared to be down trodden, you aren't locking horns with anyone but you are different now.

That's terrible OP I hope you feel better soon. I do want to ask something though, and I mean this with kindness but is it possible that you have become very sensitive to things? I have seen similar situations, where someone that is in a spiral sometimes reads too much into things, things that if they were feeling a bit more resilient they wouldn't bat an eyelash to, for example you may not see colleagues getting pulled up for things and therefore perceive that it doesn't happen, but they could be having a similar discussion with your manager in a one to one. I am not trying to downplay your worries, but I know from personal experience that your sense of perspective can become distorted when you are feeling so awful and it can make you feel even worse. Sending you lots of love, I hope that after a week off you'll feel much better and have a plan x

Some good advice here op I hope you get in okay.

Thank you all, some brilliant advice here, and it felt so good to get it off my chest.
@ Mintkat - I haven't been off sick prior to this, only a few weeks ago migraine related.
@daisychain01 - I am really loving your notebook suggestion, it is something I wouldn't have even thought of but I will definitely implement it when I return back.
@madsiemoomoo - I think you are right, I was feeling extremely wound up all weekend, and so anything that is happening right now is like the straw on a camels back. Thank you :)
Update:
I saw the Dr yesterday who was completely understanding, and advised that I take a full two weeks off after assessing me. She has also upped my beta blocker dosage which should take effect more after two weeks. She has also suggested if I feel no better than to go back before to her before the fit note runs out. Will see how I fare.

When I reported into work by phone my usual boss was not there, but her deputy was who was very sympathetic, and told me if I needed to talk at all to contact her so that has helped to calm me down.
I'm a pretty conscientious person, so I hate taking time off work, making sure it is only for a day or on flexi, but this time I really need it.

I feel I should check in with my actual boss with a call on Wednesday. Not looking forward to it as she will want to know the ins and outs of everything, but I will just tell her my symptoms for now and not the cause, and ask her if she needs the original fit note posted back to her asap.

I am taking advantage of the weather, getting a little bit of sunshine tomorrow will help, I am reading a book and meditating also. If I need advice I know I can always come back here, and I really appreciate all of your replies. It is good to know.

Thanks again,
Rosie x

I feel I should check in with my actual boss with a call on Wednesday

If you are signed off this week with the endorsement of your GP, you don't have any obligation to have a call to check-in with your manager. You are fully covered in law, so don't leave yourself open to getting a grilling and having to justify yourself.

This could be another one of those 'changes' - stand your ground