Going to employment tribunal for sex discrimination

[willowsmam]

This might be a bit long winded and tbh I’m not really sure what it is I expect to get... maybe some support/validation/tips from people that have been there.

I was the only female in a team of men and we travelled the world together as a team. I got a little closer than I should have done to one of the guys, to the extend that his wife thought he was having an affair with me. It wasn’t, but I got the impression he wanted one and when I backed away, things got difficult.

It ended up that I spoke to him about how he kept looking at me and how we were trying to have a professional relationship. He went to HR, said I was harassing him. Next thing I knew, I received a written warning by email. Yep... no investigation, no evidence, no hearing.... they took his word over mine. And to make things worse, his best mate who also worked in our team also stuck the boot in, and the whole team had to be consulted and the decision was that I needed a warning. And that is what I got!

I appealed the warning on the basis that it was unfair, unwarranted and didn’t follow the ACAS guidelines, and I submitted a grievance that I felt the process and parts of the warning discriminated against me (and detailed those).

2 weeks later I was dismissed for poor fit/apparently poor performance plus this issue with this guy. Even though my performance was great and had only received praise up to that point. Then they decided they were making me redundant.

I’m taking them to tribunal. They didn’t even respond to the tribunal papers so the court has awarded a defaulted judgement in my favour. However they’ve now decided to lawyer up and have asked the court to set the judgement aside and allow them to respond.

My employment was terminated 4 months ago now and and I’m still angry and hurt over what has happened. I’m working again, albeit in a lower paid role. The company seem much better but I’m constantly haunted by what has happened. And I obsess about it constantly. I wish it was over.

As I say, they haven’t followed an appropriate process. But they could argue that a similar situation between 2 men or 2 women would be handled in the same way.

The sex discrimination claim is fairly tenuous and not proven by their mistakes.

I don’t think they feel I have a case. Otherwise theyd probably have responded sooner rather than ignoring the solicitor etc. I’m not sure if their view had changed now they have legal representation

I’m sick listening to my own thoughts on it. It’s like a never ending show reel going round my head

Can you distract yourself with something else? Or get some counselling?

I think I’m going to have to get some counselling as it’s really interfering in my day to day life. And this could potentially go on for a very long time. I need healthy thought patterns.

I think I keep looking for answers, even though no one can really give me those. I just have to ride it out and see what happens.

It takes ages to emotionally process injustice.

I had to submit a formal complaint about my bosses on the grounds of discrimination and even though the company found in my favour (although I never got an apology - wankers) I still had to work with them (circumstances meant it was nearly impossible for me to get a job which met our family needs so well, so leaving wasn’t an option).

It took a long time to get over because I was so shocked, and felt so betrayed, and angry. What kept me centred was knowing that I fought back, I stood up for myself and for what was right.

That’s what you’re doing. Focus on that, celebrate yourself for that, and begin to pour your energy into your current role.

It will take time, and counselling is a great idea. Whatever happens you will know you did what you needed to when things were tough.

Thank you for that, and I’m so sorry to hear that you went through the same thing. I knew that when I was submitting my grievance that it was probably going to be game over for me. But I wanted to make it work. Because I was home based, it made it easier as I didn’t have to face them every morning. And I really felt that time would tell if the wounds could be healed (from the written warning process and feeling so betrayed by my colleagues). But the decision was taken out of my hands - I was prepared to fight for my place, even though they clearly didn’t value me.

Even though it’s been tough financially and emotionally, I’m still pleased that I’m fighting it. Apparent it happened to someone else before me. Not sure if the circumstances but 5 months in and the same 2 guys pushed her out in some way.

It’s food to know you’ve survived it!

Yes I survived and thrived and the arseholes who caused me all the difficulty have left!

So what has happened to you is part of a pattern? I think that really strengthens your case. Good luck. I hope the idiots get what they deserve.

I don’t know the circumstances of her departure but from what I’ve been told, two of the guys didn’t gel with her and she was pushed out but I don’t know what happened. So it could have been a completely different set of circumstances.

I just wish I could stop obsessing about it and looking for the answers that I really can’t get. In a way, going to a full hearing won’t be a bad thing as it should give me closure, even if I don’t win.

Give yourself time. A situation like this is so stressful and fills your body with adrenalin. It will take time for your stress response to lessen. But it will happen. And yes the clearing will give you some closure I imagine.