Working from home with baby

[MatildasMummy]

I'm new to all this and having a particularly bad morning today so I'm looking for any advice or anyone coping with similar situation.
I work as a project manager for a FTSE 100 and am officially based at home. While i was on maternity leave there was big reshuffle in the company and nobody kept me up to date with what was happening. I was originally worried about keeping my job but that was fine. However, they didn't pay my bonus which was discretionary and they really didn't have any reason not to pay it in terms of my performance which is what they tried to say when i questioned it.
I decided not to make a fuss as at the moment I am able to work at home with DD with me. It means we save on childcare and boss is fully aware that this is happening. He said he was happy for me to do this and said that as long as i delivered I would be fine. All I requested was some notice for travelling as would need to sort childcare - ie grandma or auntie. On Wednesday he gave me 24 hours notice (when we had agreed a week's notice) that I needed to go to London. Today he phones when it is obvious I am in the middle of DD's breakfast and expects me to start taking notes of something when he could just as easily send me an email. After I hung up I cried for about an hour and feel that this is all too much to cope with. This comes on top of a number of other attempts by him to make me feel inadequate.
All has gone well since return to work (end of March) and DH is a teacher and keep telling myself to hold out till July and then all will be better and DD is going to Nursery in September when she is 1.
Does anyone have any tips - Am I the only one juggling and feeling like they are drowning?

I think you need to sort out some childcare and try to have dedicated time for working uninterrupted. And make this clear to your boss this is what is happening - even if it means doing stuff like talking about the nanny/cm whoever a lot. Otherwise, I really think they will make life difficult for you either by questioning your commitment/availability - if not directly, then more subtly. How old is your daughter? It's easier to work from home with them there when they're tiny, it's when they get older it's much harder. It's doeable though - I' m not suggesting you go back to the office or that they're behaviour is right. But I think you may find it only works with some help.

I'm working from home on Fridays - my daughter goes to pre-school in the mornings and theoretically down for a nap afterwards so I get a good stretch. She's fighting the nap today! And I'm just sitting her thinking about what the heck I'm going to do if this is how it's going to be from here on out!

I have to agree - you need childcare. When I was planning on going back to work the issue was resolved over this point - you can't work in most jobs (unless they're seriously flexible) with your child still with you. It's nice in theory but doesn't work in practice. Sorry. Your boss (IMHO) shouldn't have agreed to your working with your dd in the first place. I know it sounds rough but that's life with children unfortunately.

MatildasMummy, I work from home too, for a big City law firm, so maybe a similar company in terms of outlook, i.e. expecting me to be on the end of the phone when they need me on my working days etc. tbh, I think that it's reasonable that they should be able to expect me to be here for them between 9 and 5 on my working days. Outside of those days, I don't answer the phone, or look at email, and it works fine.

I really do think trying to work from home with DD there is a bit crazy, sorry. I do 2 days a week, and both my DSs are in nursery for those 2 days. While I was on mat leave (at exactly the same time as you!), I did a half day a week from dec to march, while DS1 was in nursery, and DS2 was asleep, and I found even that hard to manage. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I can see how your boss is worried that you won't be able to perform your role properly with DD at home (esp as she gets older ). My DS2 was also born in September and I would find it impossible to work with him here.

I think that trying to juggle everything will mean that you are stressed, your DD will be stressed, and your boss will be stressed. Can you get auntie and grandma to have DD for the time you are working between now and July?

Although agree it was naughty of him to give only 24 hours notice when you'd agreed a week.

My daughter is almost 8 months - she is usually really good and has an hour nap in the morning and maybe two hours in the afternoon. I then get on with most of my work in the evenings when husband gets home from work and does her tea and sorts out dinner for us too. I always knew it was going to be difficult but thought that I could cope (and I can most of the time but today it all got a bit too much)
My mum comes one day a week to help out which is great but I don't feel I can ask her for more as she lives 50 miles away.
I think you're right though - do need to make it clearer to him that I have childcare on some days and those days are good for me to get out and about.
I feel so guilty though as what's making everything so difficult (ie Matilda) is also what makes it all worthwhile and is such a good baby.
If he had said at the start that he wasn't happy with the arrangements then at least I would know where I stood. Also he isn't the best manager in the world and is all talk and no action.
Good thing is only 2 hours till husband gets home and i can crack on - looks like it's going to be a busy weekend!

If you are working you need childcare! It really is that simple. YOu could just hire someone else's au pair or nanny with children in school to work for you at your home during the day. Tryng to do both at once is madness, and incredibly stressful. Your boss is not unreasonable in expecting you to be available if you are being paid, I'm afraid. Breakfast or no breakfast. If, however, he is calling at 6.30am and you normally start at 9am it is fine to say, I will call you on the dot of 9am when the nanny arrives.

I am afraid i have no relative experience to be responding to the above, apart from having had a female bully of a boss one who i never stood upto and eventually left the company (always regret not taking her down with me!!) so apologies if my advice is of no use whatsoever. I am not "in the know" on employment law but do have several friends in HR so often hear things about proceedures etc. Am sure you do have grounds for at least a discussion if he is going against what has previously been agreed (which was hopefully documented?) If you do chose this avenue then you will need a impartial reprisentative for the discussion and should get it documented too incase of further muddying of the waters. However, only you know how this is likely to be recieved and it does seem that your current situation is temporary. My advice would therefore be to keep a written diary of any instances where you are expected or asked to do something you feel is either against previous agreement or unreasonable, make sure you date and time all phonecalls and print off any relavent emails. Then if you are still having issues when you are back at the office you have something to back up the fact that this has been an ongoing issue. In the meantime and in the interests of maintaining your sanity... b*tch like hell about said boss! Maybe also find a suitable nickname for him that you use whenever talking to DH or friends (or fellow mumsnetters) my personal fave for a bloke would be "needledick" Then try to let it all wash over you as much as possible and enjoy your DD. Hope I have been of use, good luck with it xXx

The thing is, you can still save quite a bit on childcare- you could hire an au pair type person because you're at home and can do some supervising. I think that is realistic. What is not realistic (unless you want your day to start at 7 and end at midnight)is you doing childcare/sporadic work during the day and then effectively starting your job when she goes to sleep at night.

i work 2/3 days per week at home and the rest of the time i am office based but DS is in nursery fulltime, 5 days per week. There is no way that you can do both - today is a case in point for me. DS has chicken pox so is off nursery - i am trying to take calls, send emails etc etc and trying to placate him/give him attention as he feels awful and no-one is getting my full attention.

With the 24 hour notice thing somtimes issues etc come up which are urgent - part of working life. I don;t mean to sound unsympathetic but the reality is the unexpected happens - deadlines shift and change ...

ladywithbabies - i don;t think the OP's boss is bullying her at all!

hi mm..
yes, all this juggling lark is a nightmare, isn't it? i don't think anyone gets the work/life balance "right", tbh, just as right as they can make it!

i work from home and my dd is with a CM two days a week and her brothers are at school. it's simply too stressful to work with them around (although i do try too).
but, as my dd is pawing at me to get me off the computer, it's a double whammy of guilt: can't do my work properly and not spending time with her properly.

through long and hard experience, MM, the main thing is to draw up boundaries and stick to them. if, as working mums, we don't respect our own boundaries, we can't expect our employers to.
hope it works out for you
good luck!

will look into getting a mother's help - someone to be with me during the day and maybe even cracking on with some of the ironing! how much do you think this would cost per day say 9-4?
I suppose my biggest frustation is that at the beginning he was very understanding and it's not like i'm not prepared to work my post-baby sized backside off, just not fair to move the goal posts. My job has always been very flexible and i'm always at the end of the phone but now I don't have the confidence to say I'll call you back in 5. When he was trying to justify not paying my bonus he said I didn't go above and beyond - I pointed out that I drove 200 miles in the snow to get to an 8am breakfast meeting while suffering the delights of morning sickness.
Also looking at monster today - just in case anything more office based paying another £10k to cover childcare comes up!!
I can but hope...

If you earn more than your husband then may be you should go back to work in the office and he stops teaching to mind the child?

Also my sister can get emergency childcare from a nanny agency on 254 hours notice in her area so I expct you can. Did you try to call up agencnies? Some big city companies have someone on call all the time too to cover for workers' childcare hitches but it doesn't sound as if your company has that or what about your husband taking a day emergency leave? Remember your career is as important as his and it is your husband's issue to arrange this as much as yours.

Xenia's got some really good points there - don't let this be all your responsibility. My husband is in education too and it's really easy for him to refer to his 14 wks per year holiday in such a way that it makes it sound like it makes up for the time that I generally take off when our daughter is ill during the school term (which has been loads).

A mother's help sounds like a good option for you.

Boss shouldn't move goal posts, I agree. But he's probably feeling his way here too - conscious that if he says/does the wrong thing he could be HR'd. But also not sure how to stake his ground in terms of what he needs from an employee. Help him come to some realistic solution. Also, for future, I wouldn't ever talk about working through pregnancy symptoms as a big deal - evidence of going above and beyond etc. That may come back to haunt you.

I think the real issue is that you need proper childcare for every hour you are working.

I would find it very difficult to work from home with a baby and helper around. Actually, I don't like working from home (I had experience of this for a while before having a child) and will not contemplate this when I return to work later this year.

At the moment I am thinking of a nanny share with a family with one child who has a full-time nanny - that way the two girls will get to play together for 2 afternoons per week, the nanny can take them to ballet, gym etc (they will be at school in the morning) and that way I won't have to do chauffeuring to activities on the days I am not working.

Although I agree it's bad for your boss to move the goal-posts, at the same time if what you agree to isn't working out (from his POV) then as a manager he has to address that.

I'm afraid I agree with other posters that it's unrealistic to work and take care of a baby at the same time, and not good for you (it sounds from your post like you are finding it hard work). My work broadly supports working from home EXCEPT if you have a child, then you have to provide evidence that you have childcare in place for the times you propose to work from home.

Hi I work 4 days a week, 3 days in the office and one day at home. On that day I generally keep ds with me which is often very stressful and difficult - luckily he still has a nap so I try and time phonecall etc for then and do emails, paperwork while he is up. It is much easier once you have found a good nursery you like - I often put him in on the working from home day as an extra day if I have a conf call or a lot to do. It has made it much easier having that option as I don't get panicky if someone books a meeting at 10 or something as I can just put him in that day. You really do need to get some childcare sorted out - I have had some incredibly stressful days with just one day working from home, can't imagine what more would be like. Also, I don't know how old you baby is but it becomed virtually impossible to work from home while they are there from the age of about 18 months to 2 as they demand so much attention. it is getting easier again now ds is 21/2 as he has a longer attention span and will play with his lego and cars while I am on the laptop. Nursery will really help and you can still mix and match.

as for boss/job after going back from mat leave - I have beem sidelined too, they treat you like shit when you work flexibly, just think that you are still getting the same salary and if teher is less to do, so be it. It is rubbish though, I am off on mat leave again soon so I really don't cares anymore!

I had same thing with bonus too - said it was becasue i was on mat leave for over half of the year (even though this is illegal) it is pants.

One answer is to go b ack properly full time and if there are sick children/those type of issues leave it to your husband to sort out.

Although competely different line of work, we run a B&B, DD goes to nursery 3 mornings a week and in the holidays and half terms, we have a frinds daughter who comes in the morning to help. That way everything gets done, accounts, washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning etc Find that on the days she is home and we have guests in the night before then everything takes about 3 times as long.

Just to clarify, I wasnt trying to imply that bullying was taking place, but having been bullied (seriously the b8tch actually physically grabbed and held onto me to prevent me leaving while she shouted at me on one occasion!)I am perhaps over sensitive to such situations and felt I wanted to offer some advice that allthough it may seem OTT in current circumstances, would offer support if things escalated. This was my main problem when I finally broke down infront of one of the other managers over the above situation I had nothing to back it up except my tearful 19yr old word against her much more collected (and obviously entirely evil!!!) 40yr old account of events! But like I said I have no relevent experience of such situations really. And it looks like there is some really clued up advice on here from people who have juggled the same balls, so good luck MM I hope you find the right situation for you xXx