Back to work on Monday and feel like I am damaging DD

[ArtichokeTagine]

My career has always been by "thing". When I got pregnant I could not imagine being a SAHM and opted for just 6 months maternity. Then I had DD and have loved every minute of my maternity leave. I extended it and DD is now nearly 9 months but I have to go back on Monday. DD is a lovely, happy little thing but very mummy orientated. She is quite clingy and prefers to have me in her sight at all times. Even Daddy is second best.

She did her first settling in morning at nursery today and when I came to collect her she ws red eyed and tear stained. It broke my heart. She had not even had to eat or sleep which are going to be the two big nursery challenges. I know this is not what is best for her. What would be best is having me at home for longer. But to do that I would effectively have to sacrifice my career and I am not sure I am ready to do that.

I am not sure why I am writing this all down. I have to go back and DD will survive at nursery. I just feel so cruel and I have a niggling feeling that this might really effect her happy little personality long term.

artichoke, check out the website www.workandpump.com, lots of support...

Thanks for that site it looks good. I am nearly at the end of my first day. The morning was horrible. DD screamed and screamed when I left her and when I called at 11.30 they were still describing her as tearful. I could not concentrate at work and started to worry that my mind had deteriorated to such an extent that I was incapable! People were talking to be about stuff and I could not understand what they were saying or focus for long enough to absorb anything.

However I had lunch with some friends from work which was actually fun. Then at 2pm the nursery reported that DD has cheered considerably after lunch and was giggling and playing. My mind also settled down and I have actually been quite productive this afternoon and had some good ideas.

We will see what tomorrow brings and how DD is faring when DH collects her in a minute. I hope things are looking up.

artichoke, well done on getting through your first day, you've done really well!

I found the first week the worst, but littly has got a short memory, they are enriched by being in a different environment, they still know very well who their Mum is, and it will be absolutely fine, honestly!! It might take her (and you) a little while but you will both get used to it. You will still be number 1 with her, and she will learn a lot from being with other children and carers, she won't lose out.. in fact it's a lot more healthy than just being with one person all the time. let us know how it goes tomorrow! Sending you virtual support!

also I might add that it takes a while for your brain to adjust to being back at work, then it gets much better, and you start to feel much more like the old you when able to have lunch with colleagues etc. that in turn makes you able to be a more fun mum when you're home. That's my experience, anyway!

Well done on getting through the first day...and finding something positive about it too ! There'll be ups and downs but I'm sure things will get better.

Well I survived my first (3 day) week. DD coped at nursery. They said she got better and better each day but still needs more time before she is settled. She is not sleeping well there as she is an incredibly light sleeper and they are expected to nap in the play room. Otherwise she seems OK and has been gorgeous each evening as she is so happy to see us. At least she does not seem "damaged".

Work is OK. My mind seems to be working again and it almost feels like I never left. I am rather worried I am expected to do all my old job but in 3/5 of the time for 3/5 of the pay . We will see.

I am totally knackered today though. Did others find that a full days work comined with intense one to one evenings with baby and early wakings nearly killed them? I am not sure I was even this tired when she was a newborn. I ache all over. Maybe it is me that will get damaged!